


Where We Used to Play

by exploring_in_space



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Gaslighting, M/M, Magic, Non-Graphic Violence, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Some angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exploring_in_space/pseuds/exploring_in_space
Summary: Mages and humans once lived in harmony in the land of Emmerdale. Until one day, Queen Sarah is killed by a mage, and all mages are executed or jailed for that treasonous act.Years later, Aaron Dingle, one of the last remaining mages in the Kingdom, is propositioned by King Jack to hunt the mage supposedly responsible for Sarah’s death: Robert Sugden, Aaron’s childhood friend.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 120
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This universe has been my sandbox for many years. Just recently I thought about putting Robron in this universe and I’m very excited to share it. This fic means a lot to me, to be able to finally put words to this universe I have thought about for so long. The entire plot has been outlined and I know the ending of this fic, so I hope to regularly update. Enjoy!

Mage magic is unpredictable. Sometimes, the magic manifests at puberty, sometimes it happens years later if perhaps a traumatic experience happens. No one knows for certain how or why magic manifests, but Aaron is eleven years old when his comes.

He and Chas lived in a modest village on the outskirts of the kingdom of Emmerdale. It had a moderate amount of people, bustling and lively. Chas didn’t have much to her name, leaving her pathetic excuse of a husband and taking Aaron far away from him. But she cared for Aaron with what they had and he loved his mum more than anything.

Aaron’s magic comes when he had been playing ball with some of the village kids and the ball is flung right towards Aaron’s face. He crosses his arms over his face to shield himself from it, but the blunt pain of the ball never comes. Curious, Aaron peeks an eye past his arms and sees the ball frozen in midair. The other kids are staring at the ball, slacked jaw and pale. There hadn’t been magic in the village in years and the children had never seen a mage before, Aaron included.

Scared, Aaron’s emotions get the best of him and the ball drops unceremoniously to the ground. The motion of the ball kicks everyone out of their stupor and they all run off shouting and screaming in terror. “Aaron’s a mage! Aaron’s a mage!” They all shout.

Aaron runs off as well. He runs as fast as his little legs can take him and gets to his grotty home. Chas is alarmed at the abrupt arrival of Aaron and gathers him in her arms. She’s wiping away Aaron’s tears as they fall down his face as he recounts what had just happened in the village square. When he’s done, her face is pale like the other kids’ but instead of fear, she’s grief stricken. 

“We’ll leave this village. Run away so they can’t find you.” Chas declares, hugging Aaron tightly to her chest. Aaron nods and clings onto his mother, fear growing in his chest.

There may not have been a mage in the village in many years, but everyone knows what happens when magic manifests. Mages are stripped of their familial ties and taken to the Royal Court to be trained as a protector of the Kingdom. Aaron would never see his family again.

Chas holds onto Aaron all night long, neither one of them sleeping. Any sound that happens during the night has Chas holding on tighter. But of course, children are gobby and too young to understand the repercussions of their actions. They must have told their parents who no doubt called the local police to alert the Kingdom about Aaron’s magic.

As Chas and Aaron are packing their belongings, a thunderous knock interrupts them. Before Chas can even answer the door, men in the Royal Guard colors are entering the house.

“Trying to escape, eh?” One of the men sneers, taking in their packed stuff.

“Please! He’s just a child!” Chas cries, shielding herself between Aaron and the guards. They roughly push past her and come for Aaron, who is cowering in fear.

“You know the law. Mages belong to the Kingdom.” Another man says, more compassionate than the others.

Aaron, even though his magic had just manifested the day before, tries everything in his might and little body to try to use any magic that might be able to help them. It’s futile. He’s too young and inexperienced to do anything.

One of the people who barged into their home is a woman. She comes towards Aaron with an outstretched arm and places her hand on Aaron’s head for a few seconds and then nods. “He’s a mage” she confirms emotionlessly, and two men seize his arms and pull him up. Chas is shouting and crying, but powerless to stop them.

“Mum! Mum, help me!” Aaron cries out, heart torn to shreds. He’s manhandled towards an unmarked vehicle that sits on the road along with other fancier cars that have never been in the village. Several members of the village are outside watching it all unfold. Chas comes charging out of the house, face tear stained and her heartbreak evident.

“I love you!” She wails as two men hold onto her, keeping her from even touching Aaron one last time.

“I love you too!” Aaron cries out, still not fully comprehending what is happening. The men put Aaron in the vehicle and shut the door. Aaron bangs on the door and watches his mother disappear as the vehicle roars to life and drives off.

The last image he sees of Chas is her on her knees crying and yelling at the sky.

Aaron cries the entire drive, thinking of all the ways he might have been able to prevent this. He thinks he should have let that ball hit him in his face. Then... _ then _ , he might just have a bruise and Chas fretting over him. Now he’s being transported somewhere he’s never been to, and he’ll likely never see Chas again.

*

Aaron is jostled awake abruptly, not realizing he had fallen asleep. The vehicle is stopped and Aaron peers outside the window, seeing the most imposing building he’s ever seen. He thinks it might be Emmerdale’s castle, but he’s never really cared about the royals to know where they reside. Just as his eyes are taking in the grandness of the building, the guards open the door and pull him out of the car.

Everything is a blur from the moment the guards take Aaron out of the vehicle and shove him along some stairs to the entrance of the castle. He trips a few times, the guards pushing him along too hard and quickly. They walk down a winding number of corridors that look the same in their over the top decorations. It’s more wealth than Aaron has ever seen before and it makes his head spin. He thinks he  _ must _ be at the castle.

Finally, they reach a dusty old door that the guards push Aaron through but don’t follow behind. The other side reveals an open and airy common room. There’s light streaming in from clerestories high above everything else, and there are a few hallways that feed out from the common space. A bald man comes over to Aaron where the guards had left him alone.

“Hiya. You must be Aaron.” The man says kindly. It’s the first time anyone has shown Aaron compassion since he was taken. 

“Who are you?” Aaron asks suspiciously. The man may have put on a friendly face, but with the way Aaron has been treated the past couple of hours, he’s not willing to let his guard down.

“I’m Paddy. I’m one of the mage tutors here. I’m going to help you learn your magic.” Paddy replies, crouching in front of Aaron and taking his shoulders.

“What is this place?” 

“You’re in Emmerdale’s greatest castle. This wing is just for mages.” Paddy states proudly. There’s something fake and off-putting about him. 

Paddy keeps chattering on about things that make little sense to Aaron. None of it is sticking, either because it’s overwhelming or because Aaron just doesn’t care. What he wants is his mum. When Paddy finally stops talking to take a breath, Aaron cuts him off.

“Am I ever going to see my mum again?” Paddy bits his lip and wrings his hands a little, giving Aaron the answer. He’ll probably never see her again. His heart sinks into his chest and feels devastated.

“I’m sorry.” Paddy says softly, placing a concerned hand on Aaron’s shoulder but it does little to placate Aaron’s mood. He sniffles and weeps, tears somehow still falling down his cheeks despite the amount of times he’s cried today. 

“Take comfort that you will live a better life here than anywhere outside of the castle. Your mum will be dead proud knowing you’re doing something to help the kingdom’s safety.” Paddy says as if he were reading it from a book. It’s meaningless to Aaron and devoid of any real comfort. Aaron is still weepy and upset and doesn’t really register what Paddy is talking about.

Paddy gives Aaron a tour of the entire wing. There are classrooms and a library for mages to study and learn. The common area is where most young mages hang out and practice together. Eventually, as the day winds down, Paddy leads Aaron through one of the hallways off the common room and into a small room. He explains to Aaron that when magic is revealed, mages are taken to the castle in order to learn how to focus their magic. 

“It’s dangerous for mages to be outside these walls. Who knows what kind of destruction might befall if they get angry at the Royal Family.” Paddy says and though that statement it doesn’t sit right with Aaron, he doesn’t say anything.

Paddy tells him that him and the other mages aren’t confined to this wing. They can wander around within reason and so long as they’re accompanied by a tutor. He also tells Aaron that mages have daily training at some grounds a few meters outside of the castle. Aaron won’t be going to the grounds just yet, but in a matter of time, he will.

All the rules and rituals are still overwhelming, but Aaron just nods and keeps nodding. His heart is crushed and he thinks if he just listens to Paddy maybe he’ll be able to live. Paddy finishes everything and bids Aaron a goodnight, leaving him utterly and completely alone for the night.

The last time Aaron fell asleep, Chas was holding onto him.

*

Paddy’s tutoring is boring and it doesn’t feel like Aaron is learning much. He rarely can get magic to spill out of his hands, and whenever he does, Paddy frowns at it as if he’s disappointed in Aaron’s magic. At first, Aaron had resented the fact he was a mage, too stubborn to even want to learn about magic. But as he started to learn from Paddy more about the things he could do, he starts to get excited and eager to learn about it all.

He doesn’t make friends right away as all the other student mages are older. But he sometimes will putter around the common room to see if he can practice his magic with any of the other kids. It’s not exactly the most thrilling life, and he still carries around a great deal of sadness about his situation.

The common room has glass sliding doors that lead out to an enclosed exterior space. Paddy had told Aaron it’s there for the mages who don’t regularly go to the training ground; so they don’t get stir crazy being indoors all the time. Aaron still hasn’t gone down to the grounds so he sometimes will sit outside and close his eyes to pretend he’s back in his home village. One day, a few weeks after Aaron has come to the castle, he sees an old man gardening in the enclosed area. 

It’s a curious sight to see because previously the only people out there are young mages playing. Intrigued by the old man’s presence, Aaron ventures out to the area.

“What are you doing?” He asks when he approaches the man. The gardener looks up and smiles warmly at Aaron.

“I’m gardening.” He states obviously and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“I know  _ that _ .” Aaron crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you a mage?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t have been able to be here if I wasn’t.” The man replies, still nice and gentle. “I’m Doug.”

“Aaron. You don’t look like a royal guard.” Aaron crouches next to Doug, studying the bed of flowers he’s tending to.

“My magic reacts to plants.” Doug says proudly, patting on the ground. “I’m no fighter. Never have been.”

“That’s dead boring.” Aaron wrinkles his nose, hoping that his magic doesn’t have to do with plants. But Doug’s declaration confuses Aaron, he thought all mages had to become part of the royal guard. It’s what Paddy has hinted at since he began tutoring Aaron.

Doug laughs a little. “Well lucky for you, it’s my magic. You’ll learn what yours is soon enough. Why don’t you try using yours to see if you can make this flower here bloom?” Doug points to one of the flowers that is still in its bud.

“If I can make this plant grow, does that mean I won’t have to be part of the royal guard?” Aaron asks, suddenly excited at the prospect of making a plant grow.

“Where you magic comes from will determine whether you will be part of the Guard.” Doug replies and Aaron appreciates his directness. Paddy always waffles about and tries to find the most diplomatic way of answering Aaron’s questions.

Aaron furrows his eyebrows and looks at the flower intently and lifts his hand. The leaves move a little and it encourages him, he sits up straighter and continues to stare at the flower. Nothing happens past the leaves swaying a little and it starts to worry Aaron that it might have just been the wind that was making them move. He continues to try to push his magic out of him, but as the minutes pass, frustration and anger bleeds into Aaron’s chest.

With Aaron’s mood sullen and upset, his magic finally reacts to the flower. Suddenly the flower turns brown and starts to wilt and die. Alarmed, Aaron puts his hand down and looks at Doug in embarrassment.

“Guess horticulture isn’t your calling.” Doug says, frowning at the dead flower.

“I’m sorry!” Aaron cries, but Doug shakes his head and waves his hand over the flower. It immediately regains life and blooms a brilliant orange shade. It’s different from the other flowers and it stands proud despite it being dead only seconds ago.

“It’s quite alright. No harm done.”

“Aaron.” Aaron looks up and sees Paddy looking down on both him and Doug, lips downturned. 

“Alright Paddy?” Doug asks, standing up.

“Yeah, you?” 

“Just showing young Aaron here the beauty of plants.” Doug says with a kind smile. 

Paddy doesn’t say anything to Doug’s words or smile. He reaches out to pull Aaron up, “Come on Aaron, let’s get you back to training.” Paddy says, Aaron sighs softly and gives a little wave towards Doug as he’s led back indoors.

It’s not like Aaron dislikes Paddy, but the few moments spent with Doug was nicer than all the times Aaron has been alone with Paddy. Paddy spews the lines about mage magic being bad and that it’s good they’re here to train for the royal family. But Aaron doesn’t feel that way. The stuff he’s learnt and the magic he’s been able to do is harmless, save for the flower dying. If anything, Aaron feels anger towards the royals for collecting and carting him away from his family.

*

Three weeks after coming to the castle, Paddy leads him out to the training grounds. Paddy teaches Aaron the theoretical and softer side of magic, but the trainers at the grounds will help Aaron to learn the physical side of magic. The grounds quickly becomes Aaron’s favorite place to be as he finally gets to see the manifestation of his magic.

The grounds are a little ways outside of the castle walls with a small building where the trainers live and sleep in. Paddy usually waits in that building while Aaron trains. There are always a few royal guards milling about the area, keeping an eye on everything. The area where mages train is depressed with a retaining wall made of pavestone blocks surrounding the rectilinear training grounds.

As Aaron starts to regularly go out to the grounds, accompanied by Paddy, he notices a kid not much older than Aaron that is always sitting at the retaining wall. Everyone seems to let him be and it’s weird to Aaron. The boy wears fancy clothing, fancier than anything Aaron has seen before. The lad sits on the edge of a retaining wall that drops down from the main garden to the training grounds and watches them. Sometimes, Aaron will see some guards come and tentatively touch the boy and then they’ll leave together.

It’s a bit weird to Aaron. The fact that no other person but him sits and watches, and the fact Paddy and the other tutors allow it. Paddy has constantly told Aaron that mage training is sacred and to be kept a secret. Yet, this boy comes and watches them. It’s too creepy for Aaron.

So Aaron asks Paddy about it one day, too curious to let it lie. Paddy looks over and hesitates for a few seconds, starting and stopping his sentences. “Go on!” Aaron cuts Paddy off impatiently.

“That’s Prince Robert. He’s to become King one day.”

Aaron understands why Paddy had been so hesitant. Rage fills Aaron. That boy is the reason he was stolen from his mother. And he comes here to gawk and watch them like they’re some kind of  _ animals _ . If Paddy is saying anything else, it is drowned by the buzzing anger that fills Aaron’s ears.

Without warning, Aaron takes off towards Robert. He thinks of Paddy’s training, about focusing magic and letting it work for Aaron. He’s angry and hurt and he feels the magic inside his body swirling inside him. When he reaches Robert, Aaron pushes him and his magic helps by throwing Robert forcefully a few yards away.

“I hate you!” Aaron screams at Robert. “It’s your fault! It’s  _ all _ your fault!” 

“Aaron!” Paddy comes running behind Aaron and holds Aaron frozen in place with his own magic before Aaron could continue his assault on Robert. “I’m so sorry Your Highness. He’s new and doesn’t understand things.”

Aaron would have turned around and slung a fist at Paddy if he wasn’t frozen in place. He’s angry hearing Paddy apologize on his behalf when he doesn’t feel a lick of remorse.

A couple of royal guards have gathered around eyeing Aaron suspiciously. Robert gets up without the help of all the outstretched arms and dust off his fine fancy clothes. He holds his head high despite the large unflattering bruise that Aaron’s magic left on his right eye.

“No need to apologize, it’s alright.  _ I’m _ sorry.” Robert says softly, and the apology throws everyone off, Aaron included.

Without another word, Robert stalks away, several guards following him. “Get your mage in order, tutor!” A guard spits as they leave the area back towards the castle.

“Are ya mad? Or just plain stupid?” Paddy hisses, hitting Aaron on the upside of his head. His anger apparently frees him of his pointless babbling, Aaron distantly notes, while scowling at the hit. “You’re lucky he didn’t care. Mages attacking members of the Royal Family is punishable by death. You’re meant to protect them, not  _ attack _ them.”

He drops the hold he’s had on Aaron and he deflates to the ground, embarrassed to be scolded by mild-mannered Paddy. “I don’t care.”

And it’s true. Aaron really doesn’t care what happens to him. His life has been yanked out from underneath him. What’s death at this point?

“Aaron…” Paddy’s mood shifts as he crouches in front of a dejected Aaron. “I promise ya, it will get better. You just have to trust me.”

Aaron nods pathetically and wipes away the tears that have been threatening to spill over. Paddy sends him to his room for the rest of the day, food dropped off at the door. Isolation is the hardest punishment, when his magic aches to be around other mages.

Aaron cries himself to sleep that night, like he does every night. 

*

The next morning, Paddy knocks on Aaron’s door and lets himself in. He’s holding a small pastry as a peace offering. Aaron wants to stay mad at him, but his stomach growling betrayed his resolve.

“I’ve been thinking.” Paddy starts tentatively. Aaron doesn’t say anything but stuffs his mouth with the pastry. “I think I understand your magic better. You killed Doug’s flower because you got annoyed it wouldn’t grow. You threw Prince Robert with your magic because you were angry at him and his family. Your magic seems to be tied to your emotions.”

“Is that a good thing?” Aaron asks around the pastry, thinking about what Doug had told him. 

“It’s not a  _ bad  _ thing.”

Aaron doesn’t really understand it. Still doesn’t really understand magic all that much but he nods slowly and gives Paddy a watery smile.

With the new knowledge of Aaron’s magic, they start anew. Paddy is patient and helpful in a way that Aaron hadn’t known before. But Paddy doesn’t take him to the training grounds for weeks. They stay in the common room and Aaron knows it’s probably because of Robert’s continued visits to the grounds.

Aaron tries to adapt to this new life. He still doesn’t fully accept the reason why he’s here, but he thinks that maybe Chas would be happy knowing that Aaron doesn’t go to bed with an empty stomach and sleeps on a bed that is more grand than anything Aaron had ever seen before. There are still nights where Aaron cries himself to sleep but they’re becoming less frequent.

After a few months of Paddy not letting Aaron near the training grounds, he finally relents. Aaron has started to gain a better understanding of his magic and controlling it that Paddy thought it was time to get out to the grounds again and train. It is becoming apparent that Aaron will join the royal guard when he turns eighteen. It’s disappointing news to be sure, but from what Aaron can gather, people generally seem to think highly of mages who join the royal guard.

_ Another way of caging us _ , Aaron thinks to himself as he skips downs the steps to the training grounds. As a sign of good faith or something, Paddy allows Aaron to go down to the grounds on his own. When he arrives, he sees Robert sitting on the retaining wall again. Aaron furrows his eyes and marches over there, knowing it’s probably a bad idea to do so.

Robert straightens up when he notices Aaron, as if he’s almost excited to see Aaron. “I thought something bad might’ve happened to you.” Robert explains when Aaron is close enough to hear.

“Paddy didn’t want me out here in case I’d get mad at ya again.” Aaron says.

“At least you’re alive.” 

Aaron deflates a little, not feeling all high and mighty as he did before. He thought Paddy may have just been saying that to scare Aaron into not attacking royal members.

“I ain’t apologizing. If it weren’t for yas, I’d still be with me mam.” Aaron grumbles, sitting next to Robert.

“I’m sorry.” Robert says softly. “I don’t understand why you guys have to leave your family. But the King says it’s better for mages to be safely trained here instead of threatening to become powerful and unhinged.” 

It’s an echo of what Paddy had told Aaron when he first came here. That mages were a danger if they weren’t to be trained under the royal family. But at least the way Robert says it makes it sound like he might not believe that reasoning. Aaron does think it’s weird Robert called his dad ‘the king’, but he supposes fancy royal people must have a different way of showing their love for their family.

“Well he’s daft and I hate him.” Aaron knows he probably shouldn’t be talking about the king in such a fashion but for some reason he trusts Robert not to grass him up. “Why are you always watchin’ us, anyway?”

Robert shifts a little on the seat, uncomfortable. “Well it’s fascinating, you know? Being able to do whatever you want once you have the control of your magic.”

“We’re not animals!” Aaron says indignantly. It was something he thought that the first time he attacked Robert.

“I didn’t say you were!” Robert quickly defends himself. “I genuinely think it’s amazing watching you guys practice your magic.”

Aaron doesn’t know what to say, so he just shrugs and stays silent. The silence starts to grate on Aaron’s patience and then shifts to introduce himself. “I’m Aaron by the way. And I’m not gonna call you Your Highness or whatever.”

“Please don’t. Just ‘Robert’ is good enough.” Robert says with a smile. After Aaron leaves, he realizes that Robert’s smile was a sad smile. He briefly wonders why a prince would be sad when he literally has everything he could ever want.

Aaron doesn’t understand it but he gains a friend through Robert. They continue to chat whenever Aaron goes out to the training grounds and has extra time. Whenever Aaron learns a new thing he can do with his magic he shows off to impress Robert. He finds out that Robert is two years older than him and he quickly becomes Aaron’s favorite person in the castle.

Robert is still very detached whenever he speaks of Jack, always referring to him as ‘the King’. But he’s not like that when it comes to the queen, he will always start a story by saying something like ‘my mum…’. Aaron is too young and doesn’t fully understand it, but he tells himself it just is probably some royal thing.

Still, they become unconventional friends despite the odds. Robert continues to be fascinated by Aaron’s magic, if also a bit stand-offish. He rarely talks about his position as a prince and that’s probably why Aaron likes him so much. His siblings, Andy and Vic are a little more stuck up about their positions of power. They will sometimes come down to the grounds to chat with Robert but they always put Aaron down, furthering the contention between royals and mages.

The years start to bleed together, Aaron feeling slightly more comfortable in his new situation if not always accepting of it. He thinks of Chas intermittently and wonders if she thinks of him. He wishes he could call her or write her a letter or  _ something _ , to at least let her know he’s alive and well. 

Two years after Aaron comes to the castle, he sees king Jack in their common room one morning looking foreboding and scary. In the time Aaron’s been here, he’s only ever seen the king from afar, either at public announcements or when he comes down to watch the training. Aaron can count on one hand the amount of times he’s ever seen the king so close. The morning Aaron sees Jack, he senses something is not right.

He stands there for a bit alone but the doors open shortly after a few mages have gathered in the common room and queen Sarah comes walking in with someone trailing behind her. There are tears streaming down her face and it’s a mirror image of Chas’s the day Aaron was taken. He’s so consumed by Sarah’s appearance that he didn’t notice who it was that was following her when she came in. It’s Robert, who is looking blankly at nothing and a solemn expression on his face.

Aaron’s heart starts beating quickly when he begins to fit the puzzle pieces together. One of the tutors that Aaron never learned the name of comes up to the royals standing in the room and takes Robert’s shoulder. That one act confirms Aaron’s growing suspicion about what’s happening. Sarah heaves a slight sob and turns toward Jack, but the way he comforts her suggests he’s not upset about this as much as she is.

“Good morning mages. This is truly a peculiar situation.” The tutor begins, still holding on to Robert’s shoulder. “Last night, magic revealed itself to the prince, marking him as a mage. He’s no longer a prince, but the newest member of our mage family. Please welcome Robert.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert grow even closer after the reveal of Robert’s magic. Aaron gets an unexpected visitor.

Following the announcement that Robert is a mage, the common room gets a bit rowdy. Some mages clamor around as Jack and Sarah leave, and the tutors have to field all these questions that are being shouted out at once. Aaron stays back a little, not wanting to add to the commotion, but so desperately wanting to talk to Robert; Robert, who has had his gaze toward the ground the entire time, face vacant. 

It’s a different kind of treatment than when Aaron first arrived, but he knows it’s apples to oranges. Robert just lost the title of ‘prince’. Paddy has been teaching Aaron the history of mages, and while it has bored Aaron to tears and he’s barely paid attention, he knows a member of the royal family has _never_ had a mage in it before.

Aaron wants to ask Robert a million questions. He watches the tutors give Robert the same tour of the wing that Aaron got, sitting at the edge of the common room. When one of the tutors escorts Robert down the hallway where the bedrooms are located, Aaron jumps up from where he had been sitting and follows them at a reasonable distance. He peeks past the walls and sees which room Robert is going to live in. Once he does, he rushes back to his room before any of the tutors see him.

He lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling, counting to a hundred. With each number, another question is wondered.

 _One_ ... _has Robert always known he was a mage?_

 _Thirty-eight_ ... _who is going to be the next king?_

 _Seventy-four_ ... _is that why Robert would come to the grounds so often?_

 _One hundred_ ... _do I even_ know _Robert?_

The last thought has Aaron springing up from his bed and racing down the hallway. He thinks that the counting and questions was enough time for the tutors to leave Robert alone in his room. He wants to be the first person Robert talks to here.

He’s knocking on the door confidently, somewhat excited to talk to his friend about all these new developments. When Robert opens the door and sees that it’s Aaron, he just leaves the door open and walks back into his new room. Aaron follows him in tentatively, closes the door behind him, and leans on against the door - giving Robert some space. Robert falls onto the edge of his bed, Aaron half expecting him to fall over. But he doesn’t.

“Well?” Robert finally snaps after a few seconds of Aaron trying to come up with something to say. He’s a little stunned by the anger in Robert’s voice, but has to remind himself he probably would have been no better if someone had talked to him when he first got here.

“Are ya okay?” Aaron asks. He thinks that’s probably the question he would’ve wanted asked to him and hopes that it brings a little comfort to Robert. Knowing someone cares enough to ask.

Apparently it’s very much the _wrong_ thing to ask. Robert’s face scrunches up in anger and he stands up from the bed in an intimidating manner. “Oh yeah. I’m _perfect_ , thanks for askin’. The thing I had always been promised since birth has just been taken away from me. And some grotty mage who thinks he knows pain, is asking me if _I’m okay_? Real comfort that is, Aaron. Why don’t you just do one and leave me alone.”

The words sting more than Aaron will ever admit, and he can’t help the tears that prickle at his eyes. He’s so hurt by Robert’s anger, he throws the door open and runs out the room. He’s upset because he thought he and Robert were mates, and now when he’s trying to be a friend, Robert is a jerk. He’s full on crying as he takes off blindly away from Robert’s room.

Eventually he ends up at the courtyard and he sits himself firmly on the ground to brood. His anger results in the grass around him to start to wither and brown. Doug will probably have his head for killing his perfectly tended garden, but he doesn’t care enough to even try to fix the dead plants around him. He’s pretty much hiding in plain sight, the courtyard a dead focal point from the common room. But he doubts Robert could make it over here, too overloaded with the tour he went on. 

At least that’s what he hopes...it seems that every assumption Aaron has made today has been wrong. Sure enough, the sound of the doors sliding open and close indicate that Robert followed Aaron out to the courtyard. At least, Aaron assumes. He’s not going to look back and let anyone see how upset he is feeling. A couple seconds pass and then he hears some footsteps and someone sitting next to him on the ground.

“Look, Aaron. I shouldn’t have kicked off at you like that.” Robert’s voice comes somewhere above him. Aaron refuses to look at him, watching as a little bug crawls on the now dead grass. “I’m sorry.”

The apology placates Aaron a bit, but still doesn’t say or react to Robert’s presence. Eventually, Robert steps a bit closer towards Aaron and heaves a dramatic sigh, “Won’t you talk to me?” 

Robert says it as if he’s going through _such_ a hardship by speaking to Aaron. Distantly, Aaron realizes he’s being a baby by being like this, but Robert hurt his feelings. He waits a few more seconds not saying anything, but finally decides to get over his anger.

“How long have ya known?” Aaron asks, sniffling a bit. It’s obvious to him now, the way Robert would be so enraptured by the training grounds and when Aaron would show him new things he could do with his magic.

Robert shifts a little uncomfortably for a few seconds. “I think I’ve always known. But it wasn’t confirmed until the day you pushed me with your magic and gave me that black eye. The bruise was gone the next morning, looking like it was never there. A bruise like that should have lasted at least a couple of days. Apparently my magic is tied to healing.”

Aaron is quiet, unsure how to respond. It was his fault Robert’s magic awoke? “Do you hate me?”

“Why would I hate ya?” There’s bemusement in Robert’s voice and he tries to catch Aaron’s eyes, but Aaron just hunches over a little further, away from Robert’s gaze.

“‘Cause...it’s my fault you’re here. Instead of with your family or whatever.” Aaron angrily wipes away at a tear that falls down his cheek.

“It was always going to come out, I just was able to hide it for a couple of years,” Robert replies firmly. “How could I ever hate you, Aaron? You actually taught me stuff.”

That perks Aaron up a bit. He looks over at Robert to finally meet his eyes, and Robert is looking back with a smile. “Really?”

“Yeah, whenever you’d show me something, I’d go back to my room and try it out myself.”

Aaron sidles in a bit closer to Robert and smiles up at him. “Well now we can practice together.”

Robert smiles back but lets out a sad sigh. Aaron understands some of that despair he’s feeling right now, but he doesn’t know how he can help his friend. So instead, Aaron waves his hand over the dead grass and some of it regrows. He’s not nearly as gifted nor is as talented as Doug, but at least some of the grass isn’t a total lost cause. 

Robert sighs softly and just watches Aaron practice some of his magic. It’s a tentative beginning, but Aaron thinks they’ll make it work just like before.

*

The next day, as mages are broken out with their respective tutors, Aaron sees Doug come by and take Robert away. It’s a curious sight: Aaron doesn’t remember Doug _ever_ talking to the other apprentices. When Aaron and Paddy are alone in their class room, Aaron starts asking leading questions, fishing for some answers about Robert.

“Strange Doug is Robert’s tutor…” Aaron remarks lightly, plopping himself on one of the chairs in the room.

“Hm?” Paddy adjusts his glasses with a slight frown. “Oh...no not really. Robert’s not going to be part of the Royal Guard.”

The news comes as a surprise and Aaron leans forward on his chair, “Is he still gonna become king, then?”

Paddy actually laughs out loud at Aaron’s question, “Why on earth do you think he’ll still become king? He’s a mage, he’s not part of the Royal Family anymore.” Paddy says it in that patronizing manner he does whenever he thinks Aaron is saying something daft.

“Why not? Just ‘cause he’s a mage doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be king!” Aaron replies angrily. Aaron doesn’t really believe in the royal family, but he thinks that if someone should be able to change how mages are treated in the kingdom, it should be Jack, who now has a mage for a son.

“Aaron…” Paddy starts hesitatingly, but Aaron cuts him off by slamming his hands on the table and standing up. 

“Why can’t the king change the law? Why does everyone hate us?!” Aaron shouts. As he continues to get worked up, the window begins to start cracking. Paddy reaches over to Aaron and grabs his arm, a slight burning sensation hurting Aaron as Paddy holds him.

“Sit down and shut up! Look at you! _This_ is why people hate mages! You can’t control yourself and then you put others at risk!” Paddy smacks Aaron atop the head and points at the cracked glass. “You’re a liability! Get your emotions in check and stop being so bloody childish!”

Paddy’s harsh words have Aaron sitting back down with a bowed head. It always hurts whenever Paddy disparages mages and not for the first time, he wishes he had a different tutor. He looks at his arm and there’s a small welt from the burning magic Paddy used right now.

“Look, Aaron...y-you’ll be a good mage one day. But you’ve _got_ to stop letting your emotions run wild.” Paddy’s tone changes to a softer one. Aaron doesn’t understand Paddy. How he can be so nice when he was so awful just a few moments ago.

The rest of their lesson goes on without a hitch, but that’s mainly because Aaron wants to finish as quickly as possibly, to get away from Paddy as soon as he can. When their lesson is over, Aaron rushes to his room, slams his door shut, and hurls himself on the bed. He still feels like an outsider in this world, despite being here for two years now. It doesn’t help that he and Paddy still butt heads occasionally.

Aaron doesn’t really move from his bed after locking himself in his room. But after a handful of minutes pass by, a tentative knock comes from his door. He thinks it might be Paddy so he just opens the door with his magic and doesn’t bother to get up.

It’s not Paddy, but rather, Robert, who walks through the door. “Hiya.”

Aaron clambers up from his bed and uprights himself to a sitting position. “Hey.”

“Neat trick with the door.” Robert says with a smile, going to sit himself next to Aaron on the bed. “May I?” He lifts his hand up questioningly.

“Go on, then.” Aaron encourages softly. Robert furrows his eyebrows a bit and puts his hand up towards the open door. It wobbles for a few seconds but eventually through some stop and go motion, the door finally shuts on its own.

“Nice one!” Aaron cheers softly, feeling proud of Robert’s magic. He knows Robert had practiced for years on his own, but he’s still impressed with how quickly he’s already picking it up.

Robert preens under Aaron’s cheer and sags a bit against Aaron’s body. The weight of Robert is too much and they end up falling onto the bed, both laughing.

“How was your first day?” Aaron asks, looking intently at Robert’s face as they lay side by side. He’s never noticed all the freckles that dust Robert’s face. He wants to count them all.

“Yeah, it was good. I guess. Doug’s a laugh,” Robert says with a smile. “Wouldn’t shut up about all his gardening, though.”

Aaron laughs, knowing how Doug can be with his plants. “Why is Doug your tutor?”

“He’s not going to be my only tutor. I guess ‘cause my magic manifested late, I’m on an accelerated program or summat. I’ll be ‘graduating’ when I’m nineteen,” Robert explains. Aaron will be initiated into the royal guard when he turns eighteen, spending seven years training. By Robert’s logic, he’ll train for only four years before he gets to advance to whatever they choose for him.

“Paddy told me you’re not gonna be part of the royal guard like me,” Aaron hedges softly.

Robert sighs and rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling. “Yeah...they don’t know what they’re gonna do with me, yet. Still want to figure out how my magic is tied to healing or whatever.”

That doesn’t really come as a shock to Aaron. It took a few weeks before it was obvious that Aaron would become part of the royal guard. Though he wonders what else mages can do besides be part of the royal guard. Paddy hasn’t really told him all the different ways mages can help the kingdom. Briefly, Aaron wonders if Robert will become a tutor.

“I’m sure you’ll be ace at whatever you end up being,” Aaron declares with a smile.

Robert doesn’t say anything back but the smile on his face is all Aaron needs to see to feel warmth go through his body. He thinks having Robert here in the mage wing is going to make life so much more bearable.

*

Since Robert won’t be a royal guard like Aaron, he doesn’t have to go to the training grounds very often. Whenever he does, Aaron gets to act as his escort since he's been able to go on his own for a few months now. It’s not often Robert goes down, but when he does, they’re the days Aaron looks forward to the most.

As the weeks go on and Robert periodically goes down to the grounds, Aaron starts to notice Sarah starts to visit the grounds on the days Robert is there. Just like when Robert would sit and watch the mages train, Sarah stands atop the retaining wall and silently watches. Sometimes, Vic and Andy will come with her, but mostly, she keeps vigil on her own. There’s always sadness etched on her face and Aaron wonders what it’s like to pretend Robert isn’t her son anymore.

Robert never comments on Sarah’s presence. In fact, he acts like he doesn’t even see her. If he has to look over to the area where Sarah stands, he’ll stare at the lower ground rather than look at her. Aaron feels bad for both of them. It’s just an all around awful situation, but he doesn’t think Sarah should come. It probably makes it worse for both of them. Knowing that they can’t have a relationship anymore. Aaron wonders what it would be like if he saw Chas standing there instead of Sarah. And the thought hurts - he can’t imagine what Robert is feeling.

One time, when Aaron is on his own, he sees Sarah standing there. He worries at his lip watching her, but he doesn’t approach her. What could he possibly say to the queen of Emmerdale? However, when his training for the day is over, Sarah approaches him instead.

“May I speak to you?” she asks pleasantly. Aaron spies Paddy milling over by the trainer’s building, watching them. Aaron shifts a bit on his feet and gives a small shrug.

“You’re Robert’s friend, right?” 

“Yeah,” Aaron responds softly, eyeing over at Paddy. 

Sarah takes a step forward and touches Aaron’s hand softly. He doesn’t jerk away, thinking that would be too rude to do to the queen. “I just need to know...is he happy?”

The question startles Aaron. When he sees Sarah, he sees his own mum wondering the same thing as Sarah. Is Aaron happy? So he gives a small nod at her, “Yeah, I think he is. Or at least, I’ll make sure of it,” Aaron promises. It’s all he can say and promise to Sarah. 

Sarah gives out a relieved sigh and she clutches at her chest. She had stayed composed for most of their talk, but he sees a little crack of her veneer when she hears about Robert. “Thank you so much. I...know he’s not mine anymore. But he’ll always be my son.”

Aaron gives a small smile, unsure what to say. So he just simply bows awkwardly towards her. She smiles at his little bow and touches the crown of his head briefly before departing. The interaction leaves Aaron feeling sad and upset at the injustice of their situation. But he doesn’t dwell on it when Paddy comes and gets him and they walk back to the mage wing together. 

Paddy thankfully doesn’t mention their conversation. Perhaps even _he_ is starting to understand how unfair this life can be at times.

Aaron doesn’t tell Robert about his conversation with Sarah. He doesn’t think that would benefit Robert at all, just make the wound of losing her a little more raw. Still, he’s not sure how to feel about keeping this secret from Robert.

*

Months start to pass and they fall into a good routine. Aaron and Robert become glued together, always going down to the training grounds together on the days Robert has to go down there, having their meals together, practicing their magic with each other in the common room. Everyone in the mage wing becomes accustomed to seeing _AaronAndRobert_ , the dual unit.

During all the time they spend together, they also build a treehouse out in the courtyard. There are a lot of large old oak trees scattered around the courtyard. One morning, they got up early and scoured the grounds looking for wood pallets and other things they could transform into a treehouse. It’s hidden up in the tallest oak and they enchanted it so that only he and Robert could enter it. It’s become their little safe haven, away from everyone else and where they can gossip and tell each other secrets.

One day, a little over eight months after Robert first came to the wing, he’s subdued and quiet all day. When they retreat to their treehouse towards the evening, Robert finally admits to Aaron what has gotten him so quiet.

“I think they’re gonna make me a priest,” Robert tells him. They are lying on an old beat up mattress they stole from an old mage’s room and hoisted it up to the treehouse. 

Aaron had heard the word ‘priest’ thrown around a few times, they are the kingdom’s healers. A lot of the time, priests are sent to large cities and towns around the kingdom to act as the town's medic. Aaron’s village didn’t have a priest, but he knew of one that lived in a neighboring town, one that was bigger and more densely populated.

“So does that mean you’ll be sent away?” Aaron suddenly worries about the idea of Robert having to go to one of those outlying towns and it fills him with dread.

“Yeah...I think so,” Robert sighs softly, rolling away from Aaron and curling in on himself.

“They can’t do that!”

“The King has specifically asked that I be sent away. Thinks it will make it easier on th-the Queen,” Robert stumbles over his words. He avoids talking about Jack and Sarah, pretending that neither of them exist. But this is the first time he’s called Sarah, ‘the queen’. Robert always seems to be careful in how he talks about the royals, more than any other mage. And certainly more than Aaron. He thinks about his conversation with Sarah and holds his tongue about it. 

“But Doug didn't have to leave,” Aaron points out, as if he’s just found the flaw in the reasoning.

Robert just scoffs at Aaron’s ignorance and snaps, “Doug is a gardener in case that's escaped your notice.” 

“Why are you getting mad at _me_?” Aaron stands up from the mattress, trying to pretend he’s not hurt from Robert’s sarcastic reply.

“I'm not. I'm sorry. I'm just angry that I’m effectively getting kicked out of my home. I don’t want to be a priest.” Robert’s chin wobbles a little bit. 

“And I don’t want to be a royal guard,” Aaron points out. Sometimes, Aaron finds it hard to feel sorry for Robert despite them being friends. Robert acts like he’s one of the only ones who suffers, even though all the mages here have in some way or another. But that doesn’t mean he wants Robert to _go away_. Aaron would probably never see him again, and that thought petrifies him.

They sit in silence for a bit, neither one knowing what to say. Eventually, Robert sighs out a chuckles and slides down the wall of the treehouse to sit back down on the floor. “I wish I could be like Doug.”

Aaron wrinkles his nose, “What? A gardener?”

“No. Someone who gets to be what he wants to be. He’s lucky.”

“Yeah...suppose so.”

Robert sits up and pulls Aaron back to the floor with him. “Go on, then. Tell us what you’d want to do if you got to pick.”

“I dunno. Just be Aaron, I guess.” 

“There’s nothing you’d rather be than in the Royal Guard?” Robert asks skeptically, wagging his eyebrows up and down. It gets a chuckle out of Aaron, but it also makes him sad. He doesn’t want to lose _this_ between them.

“Maybe...someone who could help other mages like me. With their emotions or whatever. Like a counselor or summat.” Aaron finally decides on. He thinks Paddy tries his best to understand Aaron’s source of magic, but it’s always with a bit of contention. Robert is grinning at Aaron’s response and it suddenly makes him feel insecure at his answer, “What?”

“You’re the softest, Dingle lad.”

“Shuddup.” Aaron grumbles, but there’s no stopping the smile that spreads across his face. One late evening, when they had been huddled together in their treehouse, Aaron had revealed his surname to Robert. Mages’ surnames are abandoned when they arrive at the castle and he shouldn’t have told Robert his, but they tell each other everything and so he did, without a care in his bones. Now when it’s just the pair of them, Robert calls Aaron ‘Dingle lad’. It’s a thrilling, secretive nickname and Aaron loves it.

Lately, Aaron has been noticing more and more things about Robert. More than maybe mates should. Like the way his freckles stand out more during the evening sunset. Or that his hair sometimes will look as if it’s spun from gold. He doesn’t mean to think those thoughts, but...he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t captivated by Robert. 

When Robert says things like ‘Dingle lad’, or playfully pushes and hugs Aaron, it’s sometimes all a bit too much. His magic seems to always swirl softly whenever he’s around Robert, and he thinks he knows the reason why. He just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Too scared to admit what it could be. How it could possibly alter their friendship...or ruin it.

*

In order to not feel sad about the fact that Aaron and Robert may have only a limited amount of time left with each other, they decide to not talk about it at all. They pretend it’s business as usual and continue on as if nothing is wrong. It’s only when Aaron is alone at night, staring out his window, that the dread begins to trickle in. He doesn’t know how he will be able to cope without Robert by his side. 

The problem with them always hanging out with each other is the fact they have successfully alienated themselves from the rest of the apprentice mages. If Robert has to leave, then Aaron will have _no one_. The thought plagues Aaron and each passing day, he feels even more sick to his stomach about the prospect of Robert leaving.

Aaron dives hard into his studies, trying to ignore that sense of dread that follows him these days. He’s attentive and responsive whenever Paddy teaches him something new. Paddy smiles more with Aaron’s newfound dedication.

Paddy places an unremarkable rock on the table during their lesson. It’s dark gray and spotted in white flecks. “I want you to move this rock,” he says, pushing his glasses up his nose.

It’s a weird request. Aaron has been able to move objects with little to no effort, it was one of the first things he ever learned. He doesn’t even bother to straighten his slouch, just waves his hand in a lazy manner. But the rock doesn’t budge. Aaron looks at Paddy curiously, but he just continues to watch Aaron expectantly. After a few more fruitless minutes of Aaron failing at moving the rock, Paddy puts a gentle hand on Aaron's hand to stop him.

“This is sediment. It’s a synthetic rock designed by mages to mute magic.” Paddy explains, picking up the rock and handing it to Aaron. It’s not heavy at all, it feels weightless in Aaron’s hands. It’s incredible how something so light can have such an impact on magic. 

“Why does it exist?” Aaron asks, handing the rock back to Paddy. He doesn’t like that it has the power to mute magic. It’s been years since he’s had any resentment towards his magic, feeling extremely proud and protective of it. How could any mage want to mute it?

Paddy places the rock back on the table and adjusts his glasses again. Aaron recognizes that move as some sort of nervous tick and braces himself for the bad news that Paddy will no doubt tell him. “It’s for mages who get jailed. They can’t be able to use their magic if they’re jailed.”

“How often are mages jailed that they made this rock?” Aaron frowns at the sediment, as if it will personally come and take Aaron’s magic away.

“It’s just a precaution, Aaron,” Paddy tries to placate him. “I wouldn’t worry about you. You’ve made excellent progress in controlling your magic.”

The compliment makes Aaron smile, always craving Paddy’s approval. But he looks at the sediment in quiet wonder. It never sits right with Aaron how everything he learns about mages is the subjugation of them and how the common folks need to be protected from them. He thinks about Doug, who just uses his magic to make beautiful gardens around the castle. And of Robert, who is so soft in his healing powers.

But the thought of Robert healing people always makes Aaron’s heart heavy, thinking about how little time they have left. Looking at the sediment, Aaron realizes how fleeting time is, and he worries how life will be different once Robert is taken from Aaron.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Aaron and Robert adjust to their new roles, rumors and trouble begin brewing in the kingdom that will forever alter the course of their lives.

Two years pass. 

Aaron and Robert pretend time isn’t moving so quickly. Robert is filling into his lanky body, becoming this...beauty of a person. He gets more confident and comfortable in his skin as he masters his magic. Aaron feels a little like the moon, caught up in Robert’s gravitational pull. His life has come to revolve around Robert and nothing else. The idea of the two of them being separated does nothing to deter their devotion to one another.

Aaron also becomes masterful in controlling his emotions and to be a better mage. Paddy doesn’t frown at him as much and their relationship begins to improve as well. He gets to go through the castle hallways occasionally on his own. Sometimes, he’ll go down when he wants to think on his own - he likes to imagine a younger Robert running down these halls. Robert elects to not go about the castle, preferring to spend time in the courtyard to read or listen to some naff music. 

As he’s walking about the castle, he passes a man and a woman in fancy noble clothing. They had been chatting but as soon as they catch sight of Aaron, they immediately stop and just stare at him as he walks past them.

“Is that one of them mages?” he hears the woman ask. He keeps walking but stops when he turns the corner to listen in on their conversation.

“Yeah. Freaks of nature, if you ask me. I don’t know why King Jack allows them in the castle,” the man declares, voice full of disdain. His words put Aaron on edge and he knows he should leave before he gets even more upset.

“Wasn’t his son a mage? Thank god he’s no longer in line to be king. Can you imagine one of _those_ ruling the kingdom?” the woman responds with a dramatic sigh.

“That would be the end of Emmerdale as we know it,” the man says back with a sneer in his voice. Aaron sees red at those old bats gossiping about Robert and mages. He peeks over the corner and sees the two standing by a console table. They laugh cruelly and begin to walk away. Before he can second guess himself, he conjures some water on the ground and takes great delight in watching the man slip on the water and try to hold on to the woman, taking her down with him.

He runs off laughing before they can see him and further solidify their belief that all mages are bad. He knows he shouldn’t have done that but it pisses him off when he hears shit like that about them. All the mages in the wing have been nothing but kind, and the fact common folks still are so weary of them make him so angry.

But what made Aaron the most offended was the way they were talking about Robert. He’s sure at one point, before Robert’s magic was found out, the people loved him. It annoys him how quickly they turn on him just because now he can heal people. 

He’s so satisfied and elated from his stunt before, he doesn’t realize he’s running into someone until he hits them square in the chest. When he looks up, it’s just Robert.

“Who are you running from?” Robert catches Aaron’s wrists with a laugh. Aaron wants to tell him what just happened with those two people but knows Robert might just frown and not approve of it. He doesn’t always like it when Aaron is a troublemaker, especially when it concerns the noble people.

“Oh never mind, I’ve been looking for you!” Robert still hasn’t let go of Aaron’s wrists, he wonders if Robert has even noticed. “I have some great news!”

“Tell us, then,” Aaron urges. He hates suspense and surprises, and Robert knows that. He’s being suspenseful for the sake of being suspenseful.

“Just heard from Doug that I’m not going away once I become a priest after all!” Robert says with a grin. The words make Aaron balk for a few seconds. Aaron opens his mouth a couple of times and closes it, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Apparently the Queen had a word, demanded that I shouldn’t be sent away just because of our history together. I’m staying here...to be here with you,” Robert adds shyly and Aaron can’t help himself from hugging Robert. They both laugh and sway back and forth as they hug tightly. They hug probably longer than strictly friends do, but the stress that Aaron had been weighing on his chest since Robert had told him he might leave slowly evaporates as he holds onto Robert.

“Guess you’re stuck with me,” Robert says against Aaron’s neck. He tries to ignore the tingle that goes down his neck with Robert’s voice.

“I’m quite okay with that.” Aaron snuggles a little closer into Robert. It’s not what mates do, but they’ve blurred the lines somewhere along the way as they’ve spent the years entwined with one another.

Knowing Robert won’t be leaving him makes Aaron sleep better than he has in years.

*

The day of Robert’s ceremony of becoming a priest, Aaron sits on Robert’s bed, watching him finish tying up his robes and looking very sharp. It’s a small ceremony, there are a few other mages who will be entering the royal guard and priesthood, but it’s staying relatively small. Aaron had to strong-arm his way to get Paddy to let him go but he managed to talk him around and Aaron will be one of the only apprentices attending.

“So?” Robert outstretches his arms with a wide stance, showing off his robe. “How do I look?” 

He looks remarkable but Aaron would rather swallow his tongue than admit something like that to Robert’s already sizable ego. So he just gives a nonchalant shrug. “You'll do.” 

“That's it?” Robert’s self-satisfied grin grows into a self-satisfied smirk, seeing through Aaron’s nonchalance.

“I like your ribbon,” Aaron admits, eyeing the ribbon that’s tied around Robert’s waist. It bears the royal family colors. Each priest wears a differently colored ribbon that designates where they will practice their healing. The fact Robert is wearing the royal colors is concrete proof he’ll get to stay in the castle and not leave Aaron.

“Me too. It's my favorite part,” Robert’s smirk turns back into a soft smile. The ribbon means more to them than either will admit, but this is the closest they'll get to verbalizing it. 

Robert won't be wearing the robe all the time, it's more ceremonial than anything. He'll be wearing loose linen clothing and Aaron's not sure how he's going to be able to cope seeing that on Robert. He’s not sure how he’s _been_ coping, being around Robert all the time. He is more than in love with his best friend, but he’s still so terrified of crossing that line. 

“Well, it's you next. You'll be a Royal Guard in a year. How do you feel?” Robert breaks the silence that fell between them.

 _Like this life isn't mine,_ Aaron thinks to himself. It’s been six years, and still, _still_ , Aaron mourns his stolen life. He doesn’t allow himself to feel maudlin these days, preferring to see the good opportunity of being a mage than a punishment, but there are still moments of doubt where he wished he could’ve lived the life he wanted. “Yeah. Excited, I guess.”

“A ringing endorsement.” Robert sticks his tongue between his teeth in a teasing manner. Aaron averts his gaze from it.

“Today is about you. I don’t want to talk about me,” Aaron says to divert the conversation back to Robert’s ceremony. Robert pouts a little, always a little upset how Aaron doesn’t talk about his feelings often enough. 

“Maybe _I_ want to talk about you,” Robert says softly, and steps closer to Aaron, causing him to hold his breath. Aaron’s heart is hammering in his chest almost breaking up his throat and through his mouth. Robert is looking so very intensely at Aaron and he thinks he might explode from excitement. But just as he had stepped into Aaron’s space, there’s a knock on Robert’s bedroom.

“Hello? Are you ready?” Doug’s voice rings through the door and Aaron could kill him for his terrible timing. They’re both still standing in each other’s space, but Robert looks away with a bashful face and takes a step back.

“Yeah, we’ll be out in a second,” Robert calls back. 

Aaron tries to stamp out the disappointment that howls in him. _It’s just not the right time_ , Aaron chants to himself. He’s not entirely sure there will _ever_ be the right time between the two of them. But if Aaron needed proof that Robert feels the same way as Aaron, then this was it. Maybe Robert feels just as scared as Aaron does, about fucking up their friendship. 

The ceremony is pretty boring. A couple of priests make a few speeches about how Robert joining them is an honor, that he’ll be one of the best healers this kingdom will ever know. Aaron spaces out a few times, not really too bothered with the whole ritual. He does perk up when Robert has to stand and they laughably put oil on his forehead, marking him to be a full-fledged priest. 

Both Sarah and Jack are actually at the ceremony. Jack is stoic in his mannerisms and doesn’t even crack a smile when Robert takes a few steps onto the stage holding some ceremonial relics. Sarah has a soft smile, but it’s the only give to her emotions. He’s never seen her as distraught as the day Robert joined the mage wing.

Jack gets up and makes a dispassionate speech about how Robert is an exemplary mage who will no doubt do great things. Aaron wouldn’t have believed a word coming from Jack’s mouth even if he had never spoken to Robert before. It’s detached and sounds like a cookie-cutter speech, the same speech he probably makes every time a mage graduates.

As the boring speech comes to a close, Jack does surprise Aaron when he turns to Sarah and touches her arm softly, “We’re so very proud of you, Robert.”

Aaron’s eyebrows fly up at that statement and immediately looks over to Robert. His face looks like he’s ready to cry and it hurts Aaron. Robert blinks a lot - trying to no doubt clear away the tears that have welled up - and his chin wobbles for a few seconds. It’s a heartbreaking sight.

Finally, Robert composes himself and gives a deep bow, “Thank you, Your Majesty. I hope to serve this Kingdom well.” 

Aaron gets up, too emotional and upset on Robert’s behalf to continue to watch this... _sham._ He rushes off to his room and locks himself in there. Aaron was so embarrassed on Robert’s behalf. Robert should be king, not have been forsaken by his family and having to intone the words every mage has to say after they graduate: I hope to serve this kingdom well.

Sometimes, Aaron doesn’t _want_ to serve the kingdom. And why should he? What has this kingdom done for him except rip apart his life and cage him up like he’s some kind of wretched creature? 

He knows his absence will be noticed by Robert immediately, but he can’t bring himself to go back to the festivities and be _happy_ for Robert. This shouldn’t have been his life. None of this should have been their lives. Distantly, he knows if he had never been brought here, though, he never would have met Robert. Perhaps all the anger and heartbreak is enough to justify the ends. Because Aaron knows his life is better off with having Robert by his side.

It’s only for a short while that Aaron is alone before he hears the telltale signs of Robert’s footsteps. There’s a quick knock on the door and an even quieter, “Can I come in?”

Aaron actually gets up to unlock the door and let Robert inside. He’s disassembled part of his ceremonial robes, the ribbon thrown over his right shoulder. They quietly walk into the room and sit next to each other, neither one of them speaking.

Finally, Aaron shifts a little and rests his head on Robert’s shoulder, “Sorry I left your ceremony.” 

“It wasn't all that great to begin with," Robert confesses, draping the ribbon around Aaron's shoulder. 

“Cos of Jack?” Aaron whispers it.

Robert shifts about for a few moments and Aaron doesn’t think he’ll actually answer the question. But eventually he looks down at Aaron and simply says, “Yeah.”

Aaron just nods and doesn’t want to push it. The last thing he’ll want is for him and Robert to get into a row if Robert doesn’t want to talk about it. 

“Listen, Aaron. I've not told you this but…he's always known. About me being a mage,” Robert says it quickly that the words aren’t fully comprehended at first.

“You what?”

"I think he was ready to keep it a secret. Let me be King and not have to be here," Robert continues as if Aaron hadn't said anything. It’s such a shocking confession that Aaron doesn’t even know where to begin with it.

“What changed?” Aaron finally asks, because he thinks that might be the most important question. How can Jack possibly just decide one day he doesn’t want Robert to be a prince anymore?

Robert is silent for a few moments. Aaron can see him working his jaw, trying to find the words, Aaron just sits there waiting patiently. “There was this lad…”

Aaron’s heart hammers in his chest, “And what...didja like him?”

When Robert nods his head, Aaron thinks he might die. He bites the inside of his mouth - knows it’s not the right time to say anything. Even if he starts to buzz with excited nerves, with the idea that there's potential.

“He was part of some noble family. We got along really well, he was nice, and I just...I _liked_ him. We-we went to my room and…”

“Did something happen?” Aaron whispers it, starting to maybe understand where Robert was going with this story.

“Would’ve. But he, uh, the King. He came into my room and found us,” Robert’s chin shakes like it was earlier during the ceremony. “He went into a fit, trying to pull the lad off. I had never seen him that angry before, and I just-I just was scared. So I tried to stop him...with my magic.”

Robert falls into a silence and Aaron’s heart breaks. It makes Jack’s words from earlier all the worse. It’s just all a fucking lie and Aaron wishes he could deck that bastard for the way he just disposed of Robert like he was garbage or something. 

“Did your mum know, too?” Aaron has to ask. He somehow doesn't think Sarah would be okay with Jack doing what he did. 

“No. She found out when...Jack exposed me,” Robert says quietly. Aaron just nods and worries at his lip softly. The whole situation is so shitty and he really doesn’t have the words to comfort Robert. 

They just sit on the bed in silence, both commiserating the cruel way they’ve been treated. Aaron doesn’t understand how Robert can stand it, and he admires him all the more for putting on a brave face these past few years.

“I don’t care what the stupid king thinks, I think you’re amazin’,” Aaron finally tells Robert. All he really wants is to show Robert how loved he is, so he does it, tells Robert, “And I love ya.”

Robert moves a little and touches some of the fluff at the top of Aaron’s head. “Love you too, Dingle lad. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Aaron can’t tell Robert that he doesn’t just love Robert as a friend, he’s _in love_ with him. But Robert is right: finding each other was the best thing that’s ever happened. He can’t be stupid and ruin it just because Aaron had to go and fall in love with Robert.

They move away from that heavy topic and start to fall into their usual banter. Robert forces Aaron to listen to his bad music and Aaron indulges him since he’s now a priest. The dark cloud that fell on them early slowly goes away and by the end of the day, Robert is smiling and laughing and Aaron just loves seeing him so happy.

Having Robert be unhappy will never be an option for Aaron as long as he breathes.

*

After Robert’s ceremony, he moves to the upper level of the mage wing. It’s where all the tutors live and other mages who have graduated. Aaron won’t be moving there, however. He’ll live in the building outside the training grounds like all the other mage royal guards.

Robert and Aaron make the most of Aaron’s last year as an apprentice. They both know after Aaron’s initiation, they’ll see a lot less of each other. They already have started to not see each other as often as before due to Robert’s new position as a priest. Routinely, he goes down to the city that abuts the castle and is gone for a few stretch of days.

“I don’t think they know what to make of me,” Robert tells Aaron one evening after returning from his trip. They’re in their treehouse, still making this their safe space. “A former prince healing them.”

Robert jokes more about not being a prince more often these days. Aaron hasn't figured out if it’s a way to shield the hurt or if he finds it truly funny.

“I’ll bet they’re going around tellin’ everyone,” Aaron says, levitating an old book Robert had brought a while back. He’s never told Robert about that man and woman who had sneered and laughed at the fact Robert wouldn’t be king. He hopes the people he meets down in the city are nicer than those noble people. 

“Some people have nothing to do except gossip. I’m sure my presence makes their stories all the better,” Robert agrees, lifting his hand and taking the book to levitate himself. It’s easy to sit around and carelessly practice their magic. 

They lazily continue to levitate and lift the book between the two of them for a while when suddenly Robert jumps up. The book falls to the ground abruptly, startling Aaron.

“I’ve got to go,” Robert says apologetically.

“What? But you just got back!” Aaron complains. He’s been good about understanding that their time is now at a limited capacity, but Robert had literally just come from being away to the treehouse. 

“I’m sorry. I actually forgot I had to do something before coming here,” Robert runs a hand through his hair. It sticks up in a frazzled way but Aaron distantly thinks it actually looks pretty good. 

“Can’t you just bunk it off?”

Robert crouches where Aaron is still laying on their mattress and brushes some fringe off of Aaron’s forehead, “After this, I’m all yours. I promise.”

Aaron tries to not let the words hold weight. Robert just meant it in a platonic way. But it is enough to soothe Aaron’s indignation. He gives a half-smile and nods, watching as Robert exits out of their treehouse. Though these days, it’s starting to feel more like _Aaron’s_ treehouse, rather than both of theirs.

It’s not entirely a surprise that Robert will randomly leave to go somewhere else. It’s been happening a lot more lately, since his ceremony. He never tells Aaron where he’s going and some part of him just aches knowing they’re starting to drift apart. Robert is no longer divulging secrets to Aaron and he doesn’t know what to do with it.

Only a couple more months until Aaron’s own ceremony. He wonders how much more they’ll drift after that. It’s not a comforting thought, if Aaron is being honest.

*

When it finally gets here, Aaron’s ceremony is much grander than Robert’s. There are more apprentices joining the royal guard than when Robert graduated. Robert’s had been held in the mage wing, with only Jack and Sarah attending. This one is held in the grand ballroom in the castle and many nobles along with the entirety of the royal family attend.

Jack and Sarah are flanked by Vic and Andy like bookends. Andy, who is now the heir presumptive. It’s still a sticky situation from what Aaron could gather. Though he doesn’t care enough to keep with the details. 

There are twenty or so of Aaron’s peers who are entering the guard at this celebration, and if he’s being honest, he’s not sure he could name half of them. It’s a stark reminder of all the time he’s spent with Robert the past seven years he’s been at the castle.

Just like before, Jack gives a pleasantly boring speech. Aaron tunes him out, not giving him the time of his attention. Since Robert’s confession, Aaron has held a burning hatred towards the king. He just picks at his fingernails, bored out of his mind. He wonders how much longer until he can ditch the ceremony and be with Robert.

He knows Robert will be in attendance, they had talked about it earlier in the week. But he also knows that Robert had to go into town, so he may be a little tired from his days away.

At the end of the ceremony, all the graduates stand and say the same words that Robert had intoned a year ago: “I hope to serve this Kingdom well.”

The words feel like sawdust in Aaron’s mouth, still not fully convinced of his role in the kingdom. When they finish their intonations, the ceremony is officially over but the celebrations begin. Aaron sees Robert tucked in one of the tables with other priests. They’re all laughing and having a good time and it warms Aaron to see Robert smiling. He thinks he will wait before going over to talk to him. Everyone is coming over to Aaron to congratulate him and give him thanks for serving the kingdom.

The celebration goes into the evening and it honestly gives Aaron a high he had never felt since coming to the castle. Everyone keeps coming over and congratulating him. He doesn’t get to see much of Robert during the day, too swept up from everyone else to get a proper chance to chat. 

Around early evening, Robert finally catches Aaron’s eye and nods his head towards the exit of the festivities. Almost immediately, Aaron is excusing a conversation he was having with Paddy and some other royal guards. He isn’t particularly broken up about leaving the conversation, he’d much rather be with Robert, he’d always much rather be with Robert.

Robert is waiting for him a little outside of the castle grounds, under a tree. It’s early winter and he’s framed by the slowly setting sun, the beautiful golden hour making Robert look almost god-like. Aaron stomps that thought out almost immediately, telling himself he needs to get a fucking grip.

When Aaron finally reaches him, Robert meets him in the middle and playfully bumps his shoulder against Aaron’s, “Congratulations, Dingle lad. You’re a proper Royal Guard now.”

Aaron feels a little bit of pride at Robert’s words. Being a royal guard wasn’t what Aaron had wanted, but tonight’s ceremony and the work he’s put into today has Aaron feeling a bit proud of the fact he made it. 

“Guess we’re grown-ups or summat,” Aaron runs a nervous hand through his hair. He doesn’t know why, but being here with Robert is making him feel a little on edge. Perhaps because he thinks after this, they won’t see each other that often anymore. That today is the beginning of their new lives and it’s not going to be just _AaronAndRobert_ anymore.

Robert sighs a little, takes a step back to lean against the tree, and beckons Aaron with his hand, “Come here.”

Aaron takes a step forward, not sure what Robert is trying to do. Robert gives a dramatic eye roll and pushes himself off the tree to get closer to Aaron.

“What are you scared of?” Robert whispers, apropos of nothing. Still, Aaron doesn’t know how to answer that loaded question. He’s afraid that now that they won’t be glued to the hip anymore, they won’t be friends anymore, afraid that if Aaron admits how much he loves Robert, that will be the end of their relationship. It comes down to one simple thing: losing Robert.

As Aaron just flounders for a bit, trying to come up with words, Robert walks a bit closer towards Aaron and flicks his eyes towards Aaron’s lips. Aaron’s breath catches in his throat. He’s not sure what Robert is playing at, but that small part of him that’s been holding a candle for years, hopes it’s what he thinks it is. They stand in each other’s space, swaying back and forth, intoxicated by each other’s presence.

Aaron is still holding his breath when Robert finally takes a hand to Aaron’s cheek and kisses him softly. He thinks he might die from what’s happening, too excited and in disbelief that this is _finally_ happening. Robert holds onto Aaron’s face gently and Aaron surges up, wrapping his arms around Robert’s shoulders and neck. He wants to be as close as possible to Robert, feel his body against his and never let go.

The kisses turn into frantic little pecks, each of them obsessed with the other. There’s snow on the ground and their breath is visible to the twilight sky. But Aaron feels nothing of that winter sting, so pressed against Robert and being in his space.

“Aaron, sorry, wait,” Robert murmurs against Aaron’s lips.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asks, not resisting from giving quick kisses. Robert hasn’t pulled away so he doesn’t think it’s them kissing that is making him stop.

“I...have to go.”

“You what?” Aaron is amused, not fully registering Robert’s words. It’s evening, Aaron’s ceremony is still happening, where could Robert possibly have to go at this time?

“I have to be somewhere,” Robert continues, placing his hands gently on Aaron’s shoulders and pushing Aaron away gently.

Aaron frowns, taking a step backward, “Hang on. You’re serious? _Now?_ ”

“Don’t hate me.” Robert starts slowly and it makes Aaron huff out a little laugh.

“How can I hate ya?” Aaron asks, still feeling a little dizzy from their kiss.

Robert smiles, swaying softly in Aaron’s space. Aaron wants him to be in his space forever. But just as quickly as the smile appeared, it’s replaced with a frown and he takes a step away from Aaron. “I’m going to see my mum. I have a weekly catch up with her. We usually have dinner together.”

The confession makes something rip in Aaron’s chest. The elation and giddiness Aaron had been feeling since their kiss is gone in an instant. He’s upset and he starts to vibrate with anger. The ground starts to shake, but Aaron’s finally gotten _some_ control of his emotional magic, so it doesn’t get worse than that. Before the emotions could overtake him, Aaron walks away from Robert without a word.

“Aaron, Aaron! Please hang on!” Robert hollers, the crunch of the snow follows Aaron.

Before Robert can reach Aaron, he spins around and shoves Robert. “How dare you do something like that. What is _wrong_ with ya?!” 

“I’m sorry. But you of all people know how difficult it is to be separated from your family,” Robert feebly tries to explain himself.

"No!" Aaron throws his hand towards the ground in rage. "I was _eleven_ when I was taken away. Fifteen years you got to be with your mum and now these past five years you've continued to see and talk to her? Don't you see how unfair that is?!" 

"It's different and you know it. You’ve never seen your mum since you left," Robert tries to defend himself, voice rising to match Aaron's. 

"You what? So you think out of sight, out of mind?" 

"Don't twist my words, I never suggested that!" Robert yells. 

"Do you have any idea how alone I felt when I came here? I didn't have anyone to talk to except for Paddy, who doesn't even like magic. You've had everything handed to you and still you continue to chase after more! How arrogant and selfish can you get?" 

"I don't get the throne." Robert counters quietly, but the rage is still there in the quietness. 

"What the hell are you on about?" 

"Aaron, you're right. I get it. I've had an easier life than you. But I was born to one day to become the king, and that will never happen. My birthright was taken from me all because Jack didn’t like the fact that I like men. At least grant me the courtesy of sustaining a relationship with my mum." Robert does his intimate voice. The voice that has convinced Aaron of so much and it would’ve worked now, but Aaron is just so angry to see past some of the reasoning.

"No. Can't you hear how arrogant that sounds? How could I have ever been friends with someone like you! You're mad to think you've had a harder life than me!" Aaron pushes Robert again with some force. He won’t let Robert think he can just turn his soft voice on Aaron and be forgiven for this major betrayal he’s feeling.

"I thought you said you wouldn't hate me,” Robert says miserably, his gaze on the ground, frame smaller than Aaron has ever seen. It’s a dirty trick and Robert knows it. But it doesn’t change the fact that Aaron’s anger starts to dissipate at Robert’s timid words.

He sags a little, walking over to a lonesome tree and leans against it. Robert follows quietly and they stare at each other. Daylight is rapidly dissolving into night, shadows obscure some of Robert’s face. Despite how Aaron is feeling, he still can’t help but marvel at how beautiful Robert is to him.

“Of course I don’t hate ya. This doesn’t change how I feel. I…” Aaron scrubs at his face in frustration. Robert takes another step into Aaron’s space and he’s gone for Robert, truly _gone_ for him. “I’m in love with you.”

Robert widens his eyes and Aaron knows this is it. He’s fucked them up. Aaron tries to turn away, humiliation and bile rising in his throat. 

Aaron shakes his head and turns to leave, too humiliated to hear the rejection from Robert. Just as he’s turning, Robert grabs Aaron’s shoulder, turns him around, and kisses him.

“Aaron, you have no idea what you do to me,” Robert breathes when he pulls apart from Aaron. “I love you, too.”

Robert is holding Aaron, but he jerks and fails a little at Robert’s admission. It’s too much, he doesn’t think he can believe everything that’s happening right now. Robert is shushing him, murmuring little nothings as Aaron tries to compose himself and get over the unbelievable _shock_ he feels. 

“You really mean it,” Aaron whispers, feeling wrung out about all this.

“Yeah, I do. I've been mad about you for ages,” Robert kisses Aaron for good measure.

The confession draws a huge grin on Aaron's face and he wants to kiss Robert senseless. So he does, because he can. And Robert lets him. 

“I'm still mad at ya. But…I suppose I can understand it,” Aaron concedes when he pulls away from Robert. They’re still holding each other and Aaron thinks he can get used to this feeling of being in Robert’s arms.

“I haven't been doing this since the beginning. Contrary to what you might think. Only the past year. Shortly after my ceremony,” Robert confesses. Suddenly all the disappearing acts that Robert has done in the past year make sense. It fills Aaron with a sense of relief, the questions that had swirled in the past year suddenly are meaningless. 

“Can’t you just give it a miss today?” Aaron tries to put on a flirtatious voice. He thinks it sounds stupid and goofy, but it seems to do something for Robert. His eyes soften as he gazes down to Aaron and gives a smile.

“I’ll tell her I can’t stay long, then we can meet up here again. How does that sound?” Robert compromises.

“Why not just go back to the wing?”

Robert gives this little secretive smile and bumps his nose against Aaron’s, “‘Cause this is where it all begins, innit?”

Something warm spreads through Aaron at those words. He covers up the feeling by rolling his eyes and giving a playful scoff, “Soft lad.”

“Let’s meet here in an hour,” Robert says, to which Aaron agrees. They split up at the entrance of the castle, giving each other a quick kiss. Robert leaves towards the living area of the castle, while Aaron slips back into the ceremony celebrations.

Paddy sees Aaron come back and raises one of his eyebrows in a questioning manner. Aaron ignores it and joins in on some conversation. He is keenly aware of the time and by the time an hour is rolling out, Aaron is leaving the party as quickly as he had come back into it.

The sun has completely set by the time Aaron gets outside again. The winter air wisping at his face is chilling and without the comfort of Robert, Aaron has to bundle tight to stay warm. He makes the trek back to the tree where they kissed the first time, thinking this is where Robert probably was thinking of. 

He sets himself on the ground, conjuring a thick wool blanket so he can sit on the snow without getting wet or cold while he waits for Robert to come back. 

And waits.

And waits some more, until it’s been more than an hour of Aaron waiting for Robert by the tree. He sees the light pollution from the celebrations still going on strong, but no sign of Robert anywhere. Aaron does a spell where he can keep warm while he continues to wait...and worry.

The worry turns to dread as the minutes continue to tick by and still _nothing_. Aaron shifts a little to look over to the castle and some of the light pollution has faded. In its place, there seems to be some kind of plume of darkness starting to cover one of the spires of the castle. Aaron sits up and squints to see what that plume could possibly be. 

As he’s trying to discern it, he sees orange flames erupt at the top of the spire. Panicked, Aaron jumps up and tries to get closer to see what’s happening. Something churns in the pit of his stomach - that it could be Robert in the spire and why he’s not here. 

Aaron abandons the tree and blanket and runs down to the castle as quickly as he can get there. When he arrives, it’s chaos everywhere. People are shouting and screaming. Aaron can’t understand what people are shouting, but he hears the word ‘mages’ thrown around a lot.

“Here’s one now!” someone shouts, pointing at Aaron. He knows he probably sticks out like a sore thumb, wearing his royal guard dress blues. They’re different than non-magical royal guard’s dress blues, making it obvious of Aaron’s magical abilities.

A crowd of people starts crowding around Aaron. He doesn’t recognize any of the people surrounding him, but he does see some of them as common royal guards. The pit in his stomach drops even further as he tries to piece together everything that’s happening.

“What’s going on?” Aaron cries, thrashing about, trying to get the guards away from him. They predictably don’t answer him and more people start surrounding him, some shouting and yelling in his face, others trying to throw things.

His anger and confusion are starting to get to him, and he can feel his magic stir inside of him. As people continue to shout at him, Aaron can’t control his outburst and some of them freeze in place. 

“He’s trying to kill us, too!” one of the people who hadn’t gotten frozen cries. A few members of the royal guard come thundering towards him and before Aaron can react to them, shackles are thrown onto his wrists. He immediately can tell that these cuffs are laced with sediment - the rock that drains mages of their magic. Aaron drops to his knees, feeling suddenly weakened by the exposure. 

“Take him away with the others!” A royal guard sneers, pushing Aaron into the crowd. The people who had been surrounding him start kicking him and Aaron just curls into himself, feeling too weary from everything to even try to fight back. 

One of the guards drags Aaron across the ground like he’s some sort of dead animal. He feels disorientated and dazed as he gets pulled. He sees some of the other mages who just graduated with him on the floor and cuffed as well. Even through his exhaustion and grogginess, Aaron still can’t help but wonder where Robert is. If the fire or whatever it was that he saw had something to do with his arrest and Robert.

Unfortunately, he gets his answer in the worst possible way when Jack standing atop some stairs, looking down at Aaron and the other mages.

“Tonight is the last night you _mages_ will ever be free. Because tonight, my beloved wife, Queen Sarah has died. And it was a mage who killed her…my former son, Robert.”

Before Aaron can even process the words that Jack says, someone whacks him on the head and he promptly passes out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Aaron’s ceremony. Jack gives Aaron a proposition. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for self-harming, gaslighting, and non-graphic violence. 
> 
> *If any of these are triggering and you would like a quick summary before reading, please check the end notes!*

In the wake of Sarah’s death, everything is confusing and chaotic. Most mages are rounded up after the night of Aaron’s graduation and put on trial. Aaron learns that in most mage trials, they are judged by their peers and mages are the ones to make the final call on their punishment. That luxury is revoked due to the false narrative emerging that all mages have become a danger to society.

Jack becomes judge, jury, and, in most cases, executioner. The days that pass after that tragic night start to be called the Magical Purge. Hundreds of mages that have functioned and lived harmoniously with common folks are rounded up and killed. 

Aaron sits in a dingy cell that is completely built of sediment, there’s a high window that lets daylight stream into the cell, letting him track the days it’s been since he’s been arrested. A small bench is shoved near a pitiful toilet making up the extent of his new home. It’s where he’s wasted away since that fateful night and where he’ll most likely stay forever. Guards come routinely into his cell to feed him and update on the news that’s happening.

The news is heart wrenching and still so confusing to ingest. He learns of the story they’re spinning about Robert: how he snuck into the spire where all the royals live and found Sarah and killed her. And to cover his tracks, he set the whole spire ablaze, trying to take even more royals out. The current narrative is that Robert was acting on behalf of some rogue mages who wanted to take the monarchy out and since Robert was once part of that society, he knew his way around the castle.

It is so unbelievably mind boggling that Aaron wants to laugh if he weren’t so heartbroken about it all.

The guards tell him that the only reason Aaron is still alive is because they want him to help them locate Robert. But he doesn’t know and refuses to believe in Robert’s guilt. It just doesn’t add up, based on all their conversations, Robert would  _ never _ have hurt anyone, never mind the mother he adored. 

As the days begin to pass, Aaron slowly gets acclimated to the constant exposure of sediment. He can feel his magic being muted like Paddy had told him, but he’s not so hazy and disoriented about being exposed to it anymore. He can still do a little magic, like conjuring small items and making the room warmer, but he rarely does it out of fear the guards may retaliate. 

Jack comes down to see Aaron one day, looking high and mighty and not of a grieving husband. Aaron notes his appearance silently and files it away for yet another reason to despise this man.

“I know you and Robert were close,” Jack says, clasping his hands behind his back as he stands in front of the bars.

Aaron doesn’t answer, just shrugs and shuffles a little into his bed. He has no interest in speaking to Jack, especially  _ now _ .

“You mages are all the same. Thinking you’re better than everyone. It’s a wonder we have kept you around as long as we have. If it weren’t for Robert, I would’ve sent you lot away a long time ago,” Jack sneers.

Aaron bristles at those words, hearing the verbalization of Jack’s disregard of mages. He knows what Jack is trying to do - goad Aaron into doing something that will villainize mages ever further.

“If you help me find Robert, you can leave. I will let you out of this cell and there won’t be any further blood on yours and Robert’s hands,” Jack crouches, looking at Aaron as if he’s a caged animal.

“You’re only saying that to betray my friend. I don’t know where he is. And Robert is not a killer,” Aaron finally says, jumping up and looming over Jack. His words have finally gotten Aaron to say something, feeling disgusted and upset on Robert’s behalf.

Jack doesn’t immediately respond to Aaron’s outburst. Instead, he stands back up and wipes his hands on his trousers. He cool;y looks at Aaron for a few silent moments, the both of them engaging in some kind of staring contest. Finally, he shakes his head and tells Aaron, “You have a lot of loyalty for someone who has left you to rot in a prison cell.”

It’s all he says before he’s sweeping out of the corridor and out of Aaron’s sight. There’s a loud clunk of a door opening and closing, and shortly after that, the lights go out, leaving Aaron in the dark save for the moonlight that spills into his cell.

*

Despite Jack’s taunting words, Aaron continues to believe in Robert’s innocence. He knows that the full -  _ true _ \- story is not being told, and whatever the circumstances that made Robert flee, Aaron knows it’s because he had no choice. Robert...loves Aaron. He told him that. They had every intention of finally putting words to their relationship that night of Aaron’s ceremony. That’s the truth Aaron holds onto as the more days start to creep by.

The guards continue to intermittently spit lies and taunting words to Aaron whenever they drop off their food. No new updates on what’s going on outside these prison walls and Aaron has to wonder how much he truly believes their words.

It’s been a good six months since Aaron has been locked up and he still hasn’t figured out the motivation in keeping him locked up. He thinks they would be better off killing him at this point, because Aaron is steadfast in his belief of Robert’s innocence and nothing they can say will make him waver.

But their true intentions come on an auspicious day. It starts the same way it always does, with a guard dropping off his food and a snide remark about Aaron. He ignores it and settles on his bench to eat.

Just as he was about to dig into his food like some half-starved animal, the guards are in his cell and pulling him out. The plate clatters and it's a noise for some reason that stays with Aaron. They drag him down the hall and out of the area he had become so used to seeing. Eventually, they lead him into some brightly lit room. It's blindingly white, from its lights, to the white tiles that line the walls. But it's not tiles made out of sediment, Aaron notes quietly. He can feel his magic thrum under his skin stronger than he has felt it in months.

The guards leave Aaron alone in this bright room for a few moments, until an older man wearing some sort of lab coat, walks into the room and sits down across from Aaron. He wordlessly places a clipboard on the table and leans in towards Aaron to speak to him.

“Hello Aaron,” The man - or scientist? - begins cordially, making Aaron distrust him immediately. He lifts his chin up and doesn’t respond to the man. “I’m trying to help you. But I need you to help me. Can you do that?”

It’s incredibly patronizing and makes Aaron want to wring the stupid man’s face. But he thinks about how if he could get this man onside with him, maybe he could actually help Aaron out. So he sits up and gives a slight nod, making the man smile. The smile looks wrong on him, as if it’s not often used.

The man places a nondescript ball on the table. It gives Aaron some sort of deja vu of when Paddy had placed the sediment all that time ago. And sure enough, the man echoes Paddy by saying, “I want you to move this ball.”

Aaron eyes the ball suspiciously and the man laughs, “I promise, this isn't a trick. I want to see how badly the sediment has broken down your magic.”

He offers Aaron another smile, an encouraging one. The man’s reasoning doesn’t necessarily sound underhanded, in fact, Aaron can see the logic behind it. It has been months since he’s been imprisoned and he doesn’t remember if Paddy had told Aaron what the ramifications of long term exposure to sediment were. 

With a small wave of his hand, Aaron gets the ball moving across slowly to the edge of the table and turn back to roll the other direction. But just as soon as Aaron gets the ball moving, a small army of guards grab Aaron’s arms and drag him out of the little examination room. The scientist stands up, holding the clipboard he had been jotting on when Aaron was moving the ball, and watches Aaron get pulled away without any shock on his face and Aaron feels so fucking  _ foolish _ to believe anyone who pledges their allegiance to the kingdom.

“We’ll make this very easy for you,  _ mage _ . Tell us where Robert is, and we’ll not hurt you,” One of the guards tells Aaron once they toss him into another sediment padded room. He doesn’t know the goal of this - it’s been months since that night and even if Aaron had known where Robert was, it’s not like he knows where he’d be now. 

The guards are gathering around him, trying to intimidate Aaron, but it’s useless, he’s not scared of any of them. He feels a little of his magic thrumming under his skin despite the exposure of sediment and decides to use it to his advantage.

“Fuck you,” Aaron spits, conjuring a small dagger and swinging it to cut the guard’s cheek. But as he’s swinging, another guard steps in and grabs Aaron’s wrist. Before Aaron could counter with his magic, the first guard bludgeons Aaron with a baton and grabs Aaron’s head to push him to the ground roughly. Before Aaron has a chance to retaliate, a large weight is placed on his back - sediment. Any magic that he felt is gone and the guards start kicking and whipping Aaron. He grunts out in pain but says nothing to give them the satisfaction of their torture. 

“Tell us where he is!”

_ Whip! _

“You’ll die in here if you continue to protect him.”

_ Whip! _

“It’s because of your kind that we no longer have a queen.”

_ Whip! _

“Mages are a blight and you’re the worst of them!”

_ Whip! _

They shackle him with sediment and it mutes his power to fight back, and all he wants is to explode with rage and hurt them the same way they are hurting him. He tries to endure the pain, gritting his teeth and trying to not show any weakness. Until the guards start to become even more relentless in their whipping and taunting. 

On one particularly brutal whip, someone yells out, “If he really cared about you, he’d have come to rescue you!”

Aaron blacks out momentarily after that whip, and when he regains consciousness, he’s back in his cell, his back throbbing in the most unimaginable pain. He drags himself across the cell onto his bunk and curls in on himself. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that they would beat him, it’s not like he had been staying in some comfortable room while he awaited judgement, but the pain that they put him through was exceptional.

Still feeling weak, all Aaron can do is look up to the high window and watch the moon pass. He wonders if Robert is still alive and can see the moon. He wishes Robert could be here to heal him - he always had the softest touch when it came to healing. The kingdom of Emmerdale is vast and unknown to Aaron, but he likes to feel comforted that he’s not so far from Robert if he’s looking at the moon. 

It’s the last pathetic thought he has before he passes out from exhaustion.

*

The beatings continue to happen every so often. Aaron can’t be too certain, but he thinks they do it every six months. While at the beginning of his imprisonment, Aaron would count the days, he starts to lose interest and becomes hard to discern the amount of days that pass. But he holds true to his convictions, through the beatings and the poisonous words they hurl at Aaron.

One particularly bad beating, the guards toss Aaron into his cell and place a knife on his bench. “A courtesy for a mage,” one of the guards sneer when he places the knife down. Aaron, feeling weak and shaken, stares at the knife. As dusk fades into night and the moonlight fills his cell, the knife glints in the darkness.

For a fleeting moment, Aaron considers the knife and all the pain that bubbles under skin after the beatings. To shoulder all the blame that the kingdom holds for mages - to be their scapegoat - sometimes it’s just too much to bear. For the first time ever, he wonders if it would be possible to carve out the magic that lives inside him.

The thought, as quickly as it came, starts to seep into Aaron’s mind a little more in every passing day. Aaron doesn’t have much to think about while he’s locked up, so he replays that last night with Robert a thousand times. The seeds of doubt the guards poisoned in his ear begin to shake his conviction that Robert is innocent. Maybe he had lied about meeting Sarah every week and used that excuse to sneak away and kill her? Why did he tell Aaron they could meet up afterwards at the tree instead of the mage wing?

The question he asks himself almost daily is, ‘ _ Did he really love you?’ _ Aaron’s not sure. They had been devoted to each other as friends since Aaron first arrived to the castle. That wasn’t fake. It  _ couldn’t _ have been fake. 

But love? What did Aaron know of love?

Maybe the guards and Jack were right: if Robert truly loved Aaron, he wouldn’t be rotting away in this dingy cell, never to see the kingdom again.

*

Aaron doesn’t try doing magic as often as he did when he was first thrown in the cell. He doesn’t necessarily begin to resent his magic, but, rather, becomes uneasy with the idea of using it. The sediment continues to chip at his essence and to be frank, Aaron is afraid he doesn’t have magic anymore. 

The only time he tries using his magic is during his ‘check ups’. Every time he gets the ball moving like some sort of mouse in an experiment, the guards drag him into the room to whip him. Aaron loses track of the times he’s gone through that ordeal. Thinks it’s been at least a couple of years since he’s been locked up, but can’t be certain of time anymore.

When they drag him out of the cell, Aaron is like a ragdoll in the guards’ grip. It’s a testament of how much they have stamped out his spirit and the will to fight back like he did the first time he went through it. The loss of motivation has been a steady decline and the apathy has lodged inside Aaron around the third -  _ or was it the fourth time? _ \- he was beat.

As always, they throw him in front of the table with the small ball sitting atop it. It feels the same as all the other times, but when Aaron raises a dejected hand to move the ball and get on with his torture, the ball doesn’t move. 

Feeling alarmed, Aaron sits up straighter and tries to move the ball again. It reminds him of when he first spoke to Doug and couldn’t get the flower to bloom. It’s there that Aaron doesn’t feel magic flowing his body and panic starts to set in.

“Move it, mage,” a guard urges, hitting Aaron on the back of his head with some kind of blunt object.

“I-...can’t!” Aaron finally exclaims after a few more moments of him trying to move, though all he wanted to do was strangle that guard who hit him.

There’s a moment of stillness after Aaron’s admission. He thinks the guards don’t believe him, so he lifts his hands and tries again to move the ball. But still, nothing happens.

Aaron sags in defeat as he stares at the ball that he cannot move. One of the easiest things he had ever learned to do with his magic, and now he can’t do it. There’s a bit of movement going on around him, but Aaron feels too defeated to try and listen in. 

Eventually, a door opens and a new voice comes into the room, “So it takes five years to...hmmm.” 

There’s soft murmuring and papers shuffling but all Aaron can do is stare at the ball with total dejection. He knows what they’re talking about: how long it took for the sediment to completely destroy any of the magic that resides in him. He always knew in some abstract way that he was a guinea pig for their sick experiments. What Aaron had not realized was that it’s been five years since he was thrown into this hell.

The murmurings continue for a bit before a guard takes Aaron’s arms and hoists him to his feet. They surprisingly don’t take him to the room where the torture usually happens, but instead, back to his cell. Nothing is said to him, leaving him confused about what is going on.

Aaron closes his eyes when he sits on his bunk, trying to feel the magic that had slowly started to lay dormant in his blood since he’s been here. But it’s true - there is nothing in him. He feels  _ nothing _ and the panic begins to bubble in his chest again. He can’t breathe, hearing his heart pounding in his ears. The psychological torture he has endured for the past  _ five _ years starts to weigh on him as he realizes that they have completely taken everything away from him.

Tears spring to his eyes and he can’t stop them from falling when a sob seizes in his chest. The one thing he’s held onto during this time was that he had some magic in him - that he was a mage and there was nothing the kingdom could do to take that from him. But they did. They truly stripped Aaron of everything and at this point who even is he? He’s not Aaron Dingle, he hasn’t been that since the kingdom took him away from his mum. He’s not a mage anymore, the kingdom took that away as well. 

He cries for who knows how many hours after that, feeling drained and empty. When he finally gains some energy, the moonlight has crept into his cell and the knife that had been his only company glints enticingly to Aaron. Nothing remains. Nothing matters anymore. He will die in here as some nameless person. And the one terrible thought that comes to Aaron is that it’s all Robert’s fault. If he hadn’t been so selfish. If he hadn’t duped Aaron.

Seven years isn't enough to know a person, but five years is a long time to miss them and forget who they truly were.

Aaron gets up from his bunk and walks over to the bench where the knife lies. Carefully, he picks it up - it’s heavier than he thought it would be - and spins it in his hands for a few moments, contemplating. The guards didn’t beat him this time around, likely because they had succeeded in their mission of dismantling Aaron’s identity.

He lifts his shirt off and stares at the pale skin of his stomach and chest. Its smoothness no doubt juxtaposes the scars that riddle his back. How unfair is it to have such a smooth front when the back tells a different story. Aaron doesn’t deserve to be free of scars. He doesn’t deserve anything now that he has allowed his magic to disappear into nothing.

Aaron takes the knife and drags it hard across his stomach. The first cut is shallow as he tries to get familiar with the blade. But for the first time in years, he’s feeling an emotion that he’s responsible for. And even though it’s pain - the same kind of emotion that’s been his only company - it’s something that Aaron is doing himself.

He grimaces through the pain and cuts himself again and again, crying and feeling like his world has ended. But his life and his world has been gone for years, he’s just been in denial. He’s been on borrowed time the moment the kingdom decided not to execute him along with all the other mages. He hates himself for being alive, for losing his magic, for trusting Robert. 

Nothing matters anymore.

*

Aaron is awoken to the sound of his cell door opening. A couple of guards come in and unbelievably, so does Jack. It’s the first time he’s seen him in five years. He looks a bit older with wrinkles marring his face. Aaron’s lack of empathy is apparent when he doesn’t even react too much to Jack’s presence. Almost as if it was inevitable that Jack would show up after Aaron has lost everything.

“I hear you don’t have magic anymore. Such a shame,” Jack starts with a sympathetic sigh. He actually goes and sits down next to Aaron on the bench.

“What do you want?” Aaron asks, cutting to the chase.

“Robert,” Jack replies back just as quickly.

“I don’t know where he is,” Aaron responds dully. 

“But you can help us look for him. How is it fair that you’ve lost your magic and Robert is probably out living his best life? He’s always been so selfish.”

Jack’s words aren’t that different from the thoughts that have clouded Aaron’s mind lately, but he doesn’t say anything to let Jack know he’s touched a nerve with Aaron.

“I think I know something that might help change your mind,” Jack wipes his hands on his thighs and gets up. He nods to a couple of guards that push Aaron into the hallway. Aaron gets sandwiched between the two men and they start walking out of the hell that has been Aaron’s world for the past five years.

For the first time in years, Aaron walks out of the prison and gets to see the world. The prison sat not very far from the castle and they make a silent trek there. Part of him wants to make a run for it, another part of him knows it would be fruitless, but the largest part of him doesn’t even have the interest to even try it. 

Once they get into the castle, Aaron starts to recognize where they’re heading towards after passing a few corridors: the mage wing. 

Trepidation fills Aaron, he’s not sure what he’ll be facing when they go through the doors of the mage wing. But he braces himself when the guards open the doors and lead him into the space that was once Aaron’s home.

The once airy common room has overturn tables and broken furniture scattered everywhere. Dust has caked the high windows that let in the sunlight into the room, leaving a dim lit room. There are books on the floor, and if Aaron closes his eyes, he can almost imagine the scene play out: guards coming into the common room and seizing all the apprentice mages to be slaughtered. He stands in the common room for a few moments, trying to feel  _ something _ about the devastation of the room. But nothing.

After a few more seconds, Aaron decides it was time to visit the courtyard, the place he spent the most amount of time. Upon stepping into the courtyard, he finally feels some sort of emotion when he sees invasive vegetation and overgrown grass throughout the area. Heartbreak. Doug would have been heartbroken to see the destruction of his finely tended garden. It’s another loss that Aaron has to deal with, knowing that Doug is probably gone along with so many other mages. He sags a little to the ground, looking at the area where he and Robert first sat next to each other when Robert first came to the mage wing.

Aaron feels like a broken shell of the person who used to spend so much time in this area. He closes his eyes, trying to remember a time long past. The wind blows onto his face and for a brief moment, he pretends he’s living a different life. The feeling doesn’t last long - he can hear the guards behind him talking to themselves.

Eventually, Aaron decides it’s time to venture into  _ their _ treehouse. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to even go in - the enhancements that he and Robert had placed on it were to only recognize each other’s magic signature. Hesitatingly, he creeps up to the tree and stands there for a few moments, praying that the ladder will come down despite his lack of magic.

Nothing happens for a few moments, but just as Aaron is about to give up, the ladder comes falling out from the branches and settles in front of Aaron, wobbling slightly. For the first time in years, hope simmers in Aaron, thinking perhaps he still has a little bit of magic left in him.

When Aaron climbs into the treehouse, that hope is dashed away when he sees the treehouse looking exactly like they had left it five years ago. It feels almost like it was only yesterday Aaron was in here, waiting for Robert to come back from town so they could laugh and gossip. If the overgrown garden had hurt Aaron, it is dwarfed in comparison to the utter heartbreak he feels standing in the treehouse.

It’s here, where the manifestation of all of Robert’s lies and deceit come to a head. The times that Robert started lying to Aaron about where he was going, the insecurities he had felt when Robert began to ditch him. Robert had said it was because he was meeting Sarah, but had he been meeting up with that rogue organization the entire time? Why did he have to keep all his secrets to himself and not tell Aaron? 

He drops to his knees and screams with the heartache and pain he's been through for the last five years and all the uncertainty he’s felt. If he still had a lick of magic in him, the tree house probably would've gotten destroyed by his screaming. It serves as a reminder of everything he's lost and everything he never had. 

Aaron gets up from the floor and stands at the center of the treehouse. There’s a small frame that hangs on the east wall. Aaron takes a step towards the frame, and spies a photograph of him and Robert. It was taken right before Robert had his priest ceremony. Robert has one of his arms slung over Aaron’s shoulder, Aaron is leaning into Robert’s embrace, and they are both grinning wildly at the camera. 

The carefreeness that’s on Aaron’s face is a feeling he doesn’t recognize in himself anymore. But the thing that Aaron stares at the longest is Robert’s face. He had forgotten what Robert looked like. That’s not entirely true. He had a vague impression and memory of his face, but seeing the picture, it reminds Aaron of Robert’s unmatched beauty. It hurts more looking at this photograph than all the pain he had gone through with the beatings. This person, this  _ stranger _ , is the reason Aaron no longer has magic. The reason that more than half the population of mages are dead. The reason Sarah is dead. He takes the photo out of the frame and tears the photo into shreds, never to be looked upon again.

He climbs down the treehouse and strides out of the courtyard, not looking back once. He continues walking out of the mage wing, and down the corridors he once would walk without a care. The guards are no doubt following him, and what is truly the worry? It’s not like Aaron has any magic in him to hurt anyone.

Aaron walks with purpose to the royal chamber, knowing Jack is most likely waiting for him there. His intuition serves him right when he throws the doors open and sees Jack sitting on his throne with Andy sitting next to him. Before Jack has a chance to say anything, Aaron kneels before him and says with the most conviction he’s had in years:

“Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll kill Robert.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throughout the chapter, Aaron is beaten by the royal guard. The first beating is the most descriptive, but it's kept to a light non-graphic scene. Questions of self-harm are discussed early on the chapter. Light gaslighting is present throughout the chapter to shake Aaron's conviction of Robert, until he finally acts on his self-harming thoughts towards the end of the chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron begins his hunt for Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short as I split it in half, but that just means half of the next chapter is already written, so I should be posting that soonish! 

All these people smile and congratulate Aaron after his impulsive declaration. Andy gets up and shakes Aaron’s hand. Even Jack cracks a smile. It’s the most happiness Aaron has witnessed since his lock up, even more it’s the most happiness Aaron has been  _ a part of _ since his lock up. He knows, deep down, that it should strike Aaron as absurd that it’s given to him because he had said he’s willing to kill the once heir to the throne. But because Aaron has been starved for kindness, he accepts all the nice words they bestow upon him.

“Right. I think we should talk logistics,” Jack says after a while. He gets up and shows Aaron to a separate room off the royal chamber. “My head of the Royal Guard will tell you everything you need to know.”

Jack leaves Aaron alone afterwards and he sags a little. He walks around the room, examining it. It’s a sparsely decorated room. There’s a massive oak desk that sits in the far back wall and a smaller conference table in the center. The conference table holds no interest to Aaron, instead deciding to wander around the desk and look at the trinkets that Jack keeps.

There’s an old framed photograph of Andy, Victoria, Jack, and Sarah. They all look happy, smiling and being a happy family. It must have been taken after Robert’s mage discovery. He stares at it for a while, just thinking. He can’t imagine the jealousy Robert must have felt, knowing they continued being one happy family. He never was very sympathetic to Robert about his problems, instead focusing on his own hurt and devastation.

Aaron puts the frame down and picks up another and it’s just a photograph of Sarah. It’s strange looking at her. It’s always been this abstract fact that Sarah was gone - the moment she had been announced to be dead, Aaron had been arrested. There was never time to fully digest the information that Emmerdale’s beloved queen was gone. 

He’s thought about his only interaction with Sarah when he was in prison. How much she still cared for Robert and wanted to make sure he was happy. Always,  _ always _ about Robert, Aaron thinks bitterly. All this focus and attention and love on Robert, and he couldn’t be bothered to reciprocate it.

As Aaron is snooping around, the door opens and reveals a man who looks to be close in age to Aaron. He has a neatly trimmed beard and gelled back hair. He’s rather similar in stock as Aaron, and he finds it hard to believe that this man is the head of the royal guard. Aaron doesn’t recognize him from his days when he trained.

“Ross,” the man says abruptly, nodding at Aaron. Aaron nods in return and hastily puts the framed picture of Sarah back on the desk. Ross goes to sit at the smaller conference table and Aaron follows suit. When he sits down, Ross places a tablet on the table and slides it towards Aaron so he can look at its contents. It shows a map with a red blinking dot.

“Obviously we’ve not sat on our asses waiting for your precious magic to deplete. We’ve tracked information and pretty boy Robert, after killing the queen, fled with the rogue organization. They’ve set up… a haven of sorts for any surviving mages. During the Great Purge, summat like thirty percent of mages fled with them. We don't know where the haven is actually located, but we’re quite certain it’s in this general area,” Ross taps at the tablet.

Aaron instantly doesn’t care for Ross. The way he speaks to Aaron, the holier than thou attitude, it all rubs Aaron the wrong way, but he tries not to say or do anything to show it. He thinks Ross is trying to goad him into a reaction. Instead, he picks the tablet up and zooms out to try and see if he knows the location, if something Robert had told him could give a clue. But looking at the map, all Aaron realizes is that he woefully knows nothing of the kingdom he had been sworn to protect. All he could gather is that the location is a few hundred kilometers from the castle.

“Four of my best men will accompany you,” Ross says, breaking Aaron out of his thoughts.

“Hang on, who says I need company?” Aaron asks, offended.

“In case you’ve forgotten,  _ sweetheart _ , you’ve been in a cell for five years. Also, when you trained to be a Royal Guard, you had your magic to rely on your strength. I don’t think you’d even be able to go toe to toe with one of my weaker guards,” Ross laughs dismissively. Aaron clenches his hand and what he wouldn’t give to rearrange Ross’s smug face.

Aaron is dismissed shortly afterwards, after a few more comments on what they need to do to prepare for Aaron’s journey. Ross says it will take at least a week to finish getting everything prepped. It’s not ideal, knowing Aaron will have to stick about for another week, but he reasons to himself what is another week in the scheme of five years?

*

Cruelly, or rather, ironically, Aaron stays in the mage wing after telling Jack he’s ready to kill Robert. It’s for a few days, as people start to prepare for Aaron’s departure. The official word to the kingdom is that Aaron will be bringing Robert back for justice, but behind closed doors, Jack handed Aaron a shiv and a block of sediment and told Aaron he would be free after killing Robert.

Freedom. Aaron wonders what it’s like to have absolute freedom. He hasn’t had freedom in twelve years - long before he was ever put in a cell. Now, here he is, turning the shiv Jack gave him in his hand, catching his own reflection on it. The urge to cut isn’t as strong as when he was in jail, but he’ll sometimes idly scratch at his stomach, opening the wounds again.

The reflection of the knife shows a different Aaron than what he had seen before. He looks older and he has a beard now - something that he had grown while he was in jail but decided to keep and neatly trim. There are bags under his eyes that weren’t there before his imprisonment.

He spends his day at the training grounds, trying to remember all the techniques he learned. It was paralyzing stepping afoot the grounds the first time. The building that housed all the royal guard mages was dismantled and gone.

Other royal guards are hesitant to spar with Aaron, so he spends most of his days training on his own. It seems to be a theme these days - always alone, always an outsider. 

Some nights, when the softness of the bed is too unbearable and he doesn’t want to focus on his suffering, Aaron will get up and wander through the mage wing. Guards are posted outside so he doesn’t do a runner, but it’s not like Aaron has any desire to run away. He walks down the empty corridors, running his fingers along the walls. He feels like a ghost haunting the halls, or perhaps a tortured soul would be more applicable.

He’s told that all the mages that were executed got a proper burial. Aaron’s not sure if he believes that statement, but he’s also not strong enough to go and visit the graves. He knows Paddy is gone as well as Doug. But to see the full list of mages who had suffered because of Robert? It’s not something Aaron could bear to see.

So instead, Aaron goes and sits at the edge of the courtyard and gazes out at the pale moonlight. He’s thought about tending to the garden - to make Doug proud. But it feels fruitless. The mage wing is a mausoleum and will be abandoned the day Aaron leaves. He knows it’s only been preserved for Aaron’s sake - for Jack to drive the knife even deeper. But the hatred he has for Jack is only eclipsed by the twisted memory of Robert, and all the scars that now litter both his back.

Aaron’s not cut himself since the night he lost his magic. Well...he’s not cut anything  _ new.  _ He picks at the scabs and lets them bleed. Reopening old wounds, just like it’s reopening old wounds by being in the mage wing.

*

The morning Aaron is set to leave the castle and begin his hunt, three men come into Aaron’s room to examine him. They tell him they just want to make sure he’s fit for the journey ahead of him. And they add, rather sheepishly, that they just want to make sure since it’s been almost a week since he’s not been exposed to sediment, if any of his magic has started to rebuild.

He allows these men to ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’, as they run some tests on Aaron’s non-existent magic. Just as they are finishing up the test, one of the men, a bespectacled man that vaguely reminds him of Paddy, pulls out a small bracelet. It’s silver and embedded with sediment.

“Just a precaution,” he says, putting the bracelet on Aaron’s wrist, “Wouldn’t want your magic to suddenly flare up.”

Aaron’s not sure what to say to that, so he doesn’t. There’s almost no reaction in Aaron when the bracelet is securely fashioned. Another reminder there’s absolutely no magic left. The scientists leave Aaron alone after that and he goes on to finish packing his bag.

His solitude is short-lived when there’s a quiet knock at the door, and Princess Victoria is walking through the door before Aaron has a chance to answer. She looks older and wiser than the last time he saw her - standing next to Sarah at the training grounds, a lifetime ago. He reckons she’s a couple years younger than him, but can’t remember for certain.

“Hello,” she starts with a soft smile.

“Hello,” Aaron parrots back, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“Are you almost ready?” Vic asks, nodding at the half-packed rucksack.

“‘Suppose.” Aaron's not sure why Vic is here and more so, why she's speaking to him like they're mates or something. He watches her look around the room for a bit before making herself comfortable on the edge of the bed. 

“I didn’t this day would ever happen. It’s been hard these past five years, you know? The things my dad and brother have said,” Vic says with a sigh.

There’s an ugly retort at the tip of Aaron’s tongue, feeling indignation at Vic saying it’s been hard for her. As if she’s suffered half as much as Aaron has. But he tries to remember it's not only her mum that Vic lost, but also her brother. It's a different kind of breed of pain. 

“Robert...he was my brother, even after he came here," Vic waves a hand around the room, "But she-she was my mother and I loved her. Sometimes I can hardly believe it...” Vic says, her voice trailing off in quiet contemplation. It’s the most she’s ever spoken to him despite the many times she had gone down to the training grounds. 

With all these conversations with the royal family, Aaron faintly wonders if he should expect to have a visit from Andy next?

It’s not that he wants to be rude, but Aaron could not give a toss about Vic. He’s not grateful nor honored that she’s speaking to him now. But he supposes she’s trying to commiserate and connect with Aaron about the strange circumstances.

“Yeah, me neither,” Aaron finally settles on saying. The sediment bracelet shines when it catches some light, making Aaron frown at it.

“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. It’s all such a mess. He meant something to you, too. I remember,” Vic says as Aaron decides to get a piece of cloth and wrap it around his wrist to cover the sediment bracelet. He’ll wear whatever the fuck they want him to, but that doesn’t mean he’ll like it.

“No offense, your highness, but I’m not really in the past,” Aaron cuts the cloth with his shiv and cinches it close, “I’ll bring your brother back, and you can ask him all the questions you want.”

Vic frowns briefly before coming over to Aaron, her eyes flitting all across his face, “Don’t  _ you _ have questions?”

Aaron gives her a tight smile and walks out of Vic’s space to drop the rest of his things into his rucksack, “Nothing that’s suitable for a princess’s ears.”

“Promise me,” Vic grabs Aaron’s shoulder and spins him around, “promise me you won’t hurt him.” She says it in such urgency and Aaron is astonished to hear the love that she still holds for her murdering brother.

It’s enough to get him to ask, rather desperately, “Why do you still care for him?”

Vic bites her lip and averts her gaze, acting like she’s been caught out on something she didn’t want to reveal. She takes a step closer to Aaron and whispers, “Because I think he’s innocent.”

Aaron feels as if he’s looking at his past self. The one who also believed in Robert’s innocence. Something inside Aaron breaks a little. He wonders where this support for Robert was when Aaron still held a candle for Robert, what his five years would have been like if she had come to visit him. If her faith and his own past convictions would have not shaken Aaron. The thought is quickly stamped out when Aaron remembers all that he’s lost because of Robert. Unlike Vic, Aaron has lost all sorts of idyllic fantasies and theories on Robert’s innocence.

“I used to think that way, too,” Aaron still can’t help but admit in a similar whisper. Vic’s eyes grow, as if she’s seeing Aaron for the first time.

Somehow, she manages to take another step closer to Aaron. She studies his face, almost as if she’s trying to find some kind of answer on it, “What made you change your mind?”

“I grew up. And I suggest you do the same. If there’s anything I’ve learned these past five years, it’s not to trust Robert,” Aaron says, effectively shutting any opening that Vic had started to see. It works - Vic deflates a little and takes a few steps back from Aaron. Her disappointment doesn’t have any effect on Aaron, he goes to his bed to pick up his rucksack and throw it over his shoulder.

Vic just watches him with these sad eyes and Aaron is more of a bleeding heart than he’d like to give himself credit for. He sighs and walks back to Vic, “Look...I promise you I won’t hurt him. He’ll get his fair trial.”

Aaron’s lie doesn’t feel as heavy on his tongue like he thought it would be. But the way Vic gives a small, true smile, and hugs him,  _ that  _ is what sits heavy on his heart.

They leave his room together and Aaron tries not to think about how he’s leaving the mage wing with another Sugden, most likely never to return. There’s probably some kind of poetry in that. 

Ross is waiting for Aaron outside the wing with four men, just like he had promised. Ross introduces each of the men: Luke and Lee are brothers, then there’s Richard and Will. Ross continues speaking, but none of it registers to Aaron, he just nods at all the appropriate locations. When the introductions are over, Aaron takes a step forward to say something that’s stuck with him since Ross mocked him.

“Right. I may have been in a cell for a few years, but I know my way around a weapon just as well as you do. I  _ was _ initiated into the royal guard, even if it was short-lived. You might be coming with me, but  _ I _ will be the one who kills Robert,” Aaron says. He tries to make his voice sound all intimidating like. He still doesn’t like the idea of people accompanying them, but he knows it’s out of his control.

Ross seems well pleased with the statement, giving a slightly approving smirk. He slaps Aaron on the back and shows them the vehicle they’ll be taking. It’s a massive thing, similar to a Jeep - with large tires for any kind of terrain they might have to go through. 

“Fucking mage,” Lee mutters under his breath when Aaron walks pass them to place his rucksack in the vehicle. Something unpleasant snaps in Aaron when he hears the comment. He unsheaths his shiv he keeps fastened to his hip, grabs Lee’s neck holding the shiv against the trachea for a few seconds before slamming him onto the ground.

“If anyone of yas  _ ever  _ call me a mage, I’ll kill you. I don’t care if we’re on the same side,” Aaron snarls, stepping on Lee’s chest with one foot and applying pressure. The man wheezes a little and Aaron won’t lie - it feels good to be the one who inflicts pain now.

All the other men look on in mild discomfort but make no effort to help their hurt comrade, not even Luke, his brother. Tentatively, they all nod in agreement, and Aaron steps off Lee.

“I ain’t a fucking mage anymore,” Aaron says, sheathing his shiv and walking away before Lee even got up. Ross just laughs at them.

“Well have  _ fun _ , boys. Try not to kill each other before you find Robert,” Ross laughs and Aaron can’t help but glower at him.

A truly great way to begin this journey, Aaron thinks sarcastically to himself.

*

The sat-nav says it will take four days to get to the approximation, as Aaron has begun to call it. Because it’s not where Robert’s located, no matter how much Ross tried to say they found him. 

The first day is bumpy and awkward. The men all kind of ignore Aaron, either because of their first impression of him or maybe because he’s a mage. Either way, Aaron feels like an outsider stuffed in the far back while they all laugh and fuck around.

When the sun starts to set, Luke, today’s driver, pulls off the road and goes further away from the paved road and into the wilderness. Aaron, not having much to do while he was waiting to leave, studied the map to get to the approximation. He knows going forward, they’ll be off-roading it until they reach the destination. 

What throws Aaron for a loop is when, after a few minutes off-roading, Luke parks the vehicle and everyone gets out.

“What are we doing?” Aaron asks, jumping out of the vehicle himself.

“Stopping for the night,” Will says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Well, why?” Aaron crosses his arms, annoyed. 

Everyone stops taking things out of the vehicle and exchanges glances, all looking uncomfortable at having to answer Aaron.

“You never know, Robert might be lurking around. It’s good to be out of the vehicle for at least a small stretch of time,” Luke tries to reason. 

“‘Suppose so,” Aaron mutters to himself, but he’s not entirely convinced. Still, he doesn’t argue with them and lets them set up tents. 

Luke suggests they take the night in shifts, that way one person can be alert for anything that might happen at night. Aaron takes the first shift and lets everyone be chummy with each other as Aaron just gazes out into the dark, knowing he’ll not see anything.

Not being able to see far-sighted things during Aaron’s five year stretch fucked his eyes up, another thing that had been taken from him.

Nothing happens during the night, and they all pack up in record time and get back to driving. Aaron gazes out the window as Richard drives. He had never seen much of the kingdom. Even when he got taken from Chas, he had been too busy crying and not looking at the general environment. Rolling dales and lush green pastures are mostly the sights and it’s weirdly calming to Aaron.

After the first day, they develop a routine rather quickly, with the men taking turns trading off driving and when the sun starts to set, they camp out. Aaron has come around to stopping at night, but he does secretly feel like it’s a waste of time.

They take the night in shifts, too, and it all goes pretty smoothly for the most part. The men are still stilted and rather uncomfortable around Aaron, but at least it’s better than outright hostility. Aaron doesn’t care about them, if he’s being honest. The moment Robert is dead, Aaron has no desire in sticking around.

On the final night before they reach the approximation, Aaron’s shift is at the turn of dusk to evening. He hears his companions murmuring to each other but Aaron pays them no mind. He sits outside his tent and gazes out the vastness that is the kingdom.

Aaron mindlessly plays with the sediment bracelet as he squints towards the horizon. Being out here, hunting for Robert, is the most he’s ever seen of the kingdom. As they drove further and further away from the kingdom, they passed a new landscape Aaron had never seen before. Where the castle is rich with vegetation, here it feels a bit like a wasteland. There are rattles and howling as Aaron keeps watch but otherwise, the evening dissolves into night without a hitch.

Moonlight illuminates the ground, and makes Aaron’s heart ache. He remembers when the moon had been his constant companion. He looks up and sees thin clouds covering most of the crescent moon and he can’t help but smile forlornly at it. 

Of course, he thinks of Robert. Of the night they kissed, there was moonlight then too. Aaron hopes after he kills Robert, his mind won’t always revolve around Robert.

His maudlin thoughts are interrupted when Luke comes over and parks himself next to Aaron. They don’t say anything at first, but Aaron side-eyes him uneasily.

“You know, Ross, his brother was a mage,” Luke finally says after an awkward amount of silence. 

“Okay?”

“After Robert fled, people needed someone to blame. And you...you were tangible and easy to hate,” Luke explains. The news doesn’t surprise Aaron in the least, but it does explain a lot of the hostility. He always knew in some capacity he took the brunt of the blame, but the verbalization gets under Aaron’s skin.

“Why do you think I want to kill him?” Aaron bluntly asks, scratching at his stomach. 

“Lee thinks you’re leading us to our deaths. That as soon as you see Robert, you’ll kill us and join him,” Luke quietly says, almost as if he was scared to confess that to Aaron.

“What are you? Some kind of peacekeeper or summat? You think I have  _ any _ loyalty for a man who left me to be at the mercy of people who hate me?” Aaron spits, standing up. The audacity of them thinking Aaron would suddenly defect to Robert’s side is ludicrous at best. Aaron’s sense of loyalty to Robert died the same day Aaron’s magic withered away. 

Aaron starts to walk away from Lee but can’t help but toss back, “I hate Robert, and as soon as I see him again, he’s a dead man.”

*

The next morning bears nothing new, but Aaron knows they are getting close to the approximation of the mage haven. He stays on high alert and tells the men to do the same. They have become Aaron’s far-sightedness when they’re in the vehicle. The sat-nav eventually dings, telling them that they have reached their destination by late noon.

Aaron looks around, trying to find  _ any _ indication of which direction they should head. But instead of picking a direction, he jumps out of the vehicle and unsheaths his shiv.

“Fan out,” Aaron orders, knocking at the glass of the driver's window. They all start walking in different cardinal directions, but Aaron stays behind, watching and trying to see anything amiss. He’s trying to find a sense of where they can drive next. The haven could literally be  _ anywhere _ , but Aaron hopes in vain that he can feel where magic is coming from. 

But of course, Aaron doesn’t feel anything. Disappointment floods him, and he scratches at his stomach, enough to feel his shirt feel a little damp. 

The men walk for a few meters before heading back to the vehicle. As they’re making their way back, there’s a cracking noise that Aaron hears before anyone else. He holds a fist up to silence his men and get them to stop moving. Aaron’s eyes flit around, trying to find the source of the noise.

Another crack sounds - like the sound of the whip that Aaron felt for years - and suddenly, Robert is standing before Aaron for the first time in  _ five years _ . It’s almost as if time stands still in that moment when their eyes meet. Emotion simmers in Aaron, a tidal wave of hate and want and heartbreak. But as quick as time stilled, the spell is broken when Robert lunges for Aaron, his own dagger in hand.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron meet face to face for the first time in five years.

Robert lunges towards Aaron and he barely has enough time to dive to the side to dodge Robert. Aaron can hear the others running back towards Robert and Aaron, ready to flank him. Robert is about to bend over Aaron when the others surround Robert, weapons drawn and ready to kill.

Robert looks around at them and then at Aaron, the cruelest of smirks erupting on his face. It’s evil and nothing like Aaron had ever seen on  _ his _ Robert before. Right before one of Aaron’s men makes an attack towards Robert, they all suddenly put their weapons down. Aaron is about to bark at them to kill Robert, when they burst into fighting  _ each other _ \- their faces are blank and devoid of emotion.

Aaron looks at Robert and he’s still smirking. He doesn’t understand it, but Robert is  _ controlling _ his men. Robert pulls out his dagger again and makes an attempt on Aaron, amongst the fighting men. 

He’s more agile than Aaron remembers him being and Aaron keeps having to make quick parries against Robert. They had sparred many times while growing up, at the training grounds. They know each other’s weaknesses and strengths very intimately, making this a long drawn out fight. Aaron’s extra training the week before has come in handy, but he feels sluggish compared to Robert’s quick nature. It's becoming more and more apparent that they’re fighting on uneven grounds, with Robert having the upper hand.

As they continue to wrangle against each other, Aaron remembers the sediment in his pocket. He knows he has to get an upper hand to be able to point it to Robert’s chest. But while Aaron is thinking about it, Robert swipes Aaron’s side with the blade, and he immediately feels that the blade has been laced with poison. Aaron falls to the ground and Robert looms over Aaron victoriously. He can still hear the infighting between his men, and the poison is seeping quickly into his blood.

Robert is about to kneel down over Aaron when Aaron kicks Robert’s legs from under him. As Robert is falling, Aaron tackles him and pulls out the sediment onto Robert’s chest. Suddenly, the infighting stops and there’s murmurs of confusion.

“I must admit,” Robert wheezes, and his voice - god his  _ voice _ \- the years had blurred the way Robert’s voice sounded, “this is one hell of a reunion.”

The longer Robert spoke, the more it sounds ragged and like he’s on the verge of death, no doubt because of the exposure of the sediment. Aaron presses the sediment harder onto Robert’s chest and the groan that comes out of Robert is more satisfying than Aaron will ever admit.

Aaron knows precisely how he’s feeling and he hopes Robert is suffering from it. “Are you going to kill me, Aaron?”

Aaron tries not to react to the way Robert says his name. Knows that nothing Robert can say or do will ease the past five years. He pushes past the pain of the poison so he can say vindictively, “By order of the king, yes.”

At the mention of Jack, Robert bares his teeth. Aaron hopes it hurts that the first time Robert hears Aaron speak in five years, it’s in service to Jack. Up close like this, Aaron can see the lost years between them reflected in Robert’s face. He looks more mature, not old, but more filled out. They were still kids when they were torn apart, but now, Aaron notes with his heart in his throat, Robert is a man.

“Well go on, then. ‘Serve your kingdom well’,” Robert says mockingly, interrupting Aaron’s thoughts. He closes his eyes, as if ready to die. Aaron wonders if Robert has felt as tortured as he has these past couple of years. There’s nothing regretful about the way Robert is acting though, unlike Aaron, who feels like a marionette strung up by survivor’s guilt and shame.

Aaron pulls out his dagger and is about to slit Robert’s throat when Robert picks up his hand and stabs Aaron. He howls in pain, clutching at his abdomen. Robert pushes Aaron off of him and when he stands up, he snaps his fingers. All of Aaron’s men drop to the ground around them, dead. In his poison hazed mind, Aaron realizes Robert had been toying with Aaron this entire time. He could have killed them all from the beginning, but decided to show off instead.

Robert bends down and pulls Aaron up from the ground, “You really thought you could kill me? Look at you, you’re pathetic,” Robert declares, and Aaron thinks he’s about to die. He thinks to himself that he’s glad, it’s finally over and he can just rest forever. It seems poignant that Robert would be the one who’d kill him and end his suffering for good. It’s the last thing he thinks about before he passes out.

*

Aaron drifts in and out of consciousness after the poison consumes him. He hears fragments of a conversation, Robert and someone else.

“What’s that on his wrist?”

“Some kind of sediment, I think. We’ll have it examined.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, I healed him. But let’s take him to the old house.”

“He tried to kill you!”

“And I tried to kill him.”

There’s low grumbling but they don’t say anything to challenge Robert. Aaron feels someone hoist him up by his armpits and then Aaron is floating. It’s magic, the first time Aaron has felt magic around him in five years. Aaron can’t help the noise that escapes him, it’s a broken-hearted moan.

“Rest, Aaron,” It’s Robert who says it, Aaron thinks. But he’s too close to unconsciousness to really register anything that’s happening. He feels a hand cover his eyes and he passes out again.

*

When Aaron regains consciousness, he wakes up on a creaky bed in a decrepit room. It’s brightly lit from a window on one of the walls and it gives Aaron time to look around and assess where he is. The room has peeling wallpaper above a wooden wainscot that is in a similar state of falling apart. The room feels like it has been abandoned for years - it has a dusty feel to it similar to the mage wing did. There’s a wooden chair that looks newer than the rest of the room placed next to Aaron’s bed.

As Aaron is looking around the room, he notices he doesn’t feel any pain from his fight with Robert earlier. Sure enough, when Aaron lifts his shirt to look, his side is wound-free. More astonishingly, the self-inflicted wounds that Aaron had been picking at are healed - tiny scars are all that’s left. Dread fills Aaron’s body as he pulls his shirt back down and closes his eyes. The sediment bracelet is gone from Aaron’s wrist, and he vaguely remembers the conversation he heard earlier. He wonders idly if they’re examining it, or just destroyed it.

It’s just another prison cell for Aaron to rot in, he thinks to himself.

Aaron lays on the bed listlessly and feeling sorry for himself for a while when there’s a knock at the door and a young bloke with glasses comes into the room. Aaron sits up on the bed, resting his back on the wall as the bloke comes into the room carrying a tray. When he sees that Aaron is awake, he visibly perks up.

“Ah, you’re awake!” The bespectacled bloke says with a smile, he sits down on the chair next to Aaron and places the tray on his lap. “I’m Finn.”

“Aaron,” Aaron says hoarsely. He clears his throat but doesn’t offer anything else to this man. Aaron eyes Finn suspiciously but sees that the tray he’s holding has a plate of food and a glass of water.

“Good to see you’re finally conscious, Aaron,” Finn says, thrusting the tray to Aaron, “I’ve been dropping food off for you every day for the past two days.”

“What happened?” Aaron asks, tentatively taking the tray. He’s not very hungry, but the food looks more appealing than anything he’s been offered in years. 

“You were in a bad way when you came in. But Robert healed you. He has the magic touch,” Finn laughs sheepishly and adjusts his glasses, “No pun intended, of course. Robert is the best healer here.”

There’s something unpleasant bubbling under Aaron’s skin as Finn talks about Robert. As if Aaron doesn’t know Robert is a talented healer. As if Robert and Aaron’s life hasn’t been intrinsically connected for almost his entire life.

“You had septicemia, too. But Robert got that healed too,” Finn continues as if Aaron isn’t having some kind of existential crisis. But the words do catch Aaron’s attention. If Robert had healed him and had known about the septic from his self-inflicted wounds, then that means he saw all the scars that mar his back as well. The vulnerability Aaron feels, knowing Robert has seen his scarred body, is worse than anything he’s felt in recent memory. 

“Don’t know why you bothered,” Aaron murmurs sadly, playing with the food. He couldn’t even do the  _ one _ thing that he had been trained to do his entire life - fight.

“That’s what Nicola was thinking, too. But Robert was adamant you were brought here and healed,” Finn says off-handedly.

“Who’s Nicola?” Aaron asks, feeling somewhat grateful that at least one person wants him gone.

Finn’s eyebrows shoot up over his thick-rimmed glasses in surprise, “Oh sorry! Here I am yammering away. Nicola is our village’s second in command. This village, it’s where us mages fled to after the purge.”

Aaron closes his eyes, shame weighing heavy on his heart. The place he was looking for so he could kill Robert. And now its people are helping and healing him. Will Aaron ever not be a complete failure?

“And Robert is the leader of the village,” Finn carries on talking, apparently having no qualms about telling Aaron everything despite the fact Aaron tried to kill Robert.

Aaron can’t help but laugh humorlessly, though. So Robert finally gets to be the king he always wanted to be. Seems like Robert’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted. It’s a wonder why he bothered sparing Aaron’s life. He’s just a nuisance at this point.

Apparently Finn hadn’t noticed Aaron’s laugh and had continued speaking. He’s talking about Robert again, and Aaron finally can’t help but snap, “I-I  _ know _ who Robert is.”

“Oh no wonder he wanted to help you,” Finn muses to himself. “He wanted to know when you were awake. Thought it was just so he could interrogate you.”

“I don’t want to see him,” Aaron sharply says. The last thing he wants is to see Robert - he’s not entirely sure how he would react if he were to see him.

“I mean…” Finn hesitates

“Just give me some time,” Aaron tries to plead, but doesn’t know if he sounds convincing. He’s not sure he’s really capable of much emotion, but he hopes it’s enough to make Finn feel some sort of compassion.

“I-...could tell them you’re still asleep for another day. Dunno how much they’ll believe it. Everyone knows how good Robert is at healing people,” Finn offers dubiously. It’s a crumb and it’s something Aaron doesn’t deserve but he’s thankful. He gives Finn a tentative smile and even takes a bite of his food in a sign of goodwill.

While Aaron continues to eat, Finn speaks a little more. He tells Aaron that he was trained as a priest prior to the purge and after coming here, healed a lot of displaced mages who had to flee the kingdom. It’s interesting to hear about the purge on the opposite side, and makes Aaron want to know more about the fallout. Everything he’s ever known about the purge was what the guards fed Aaron and it was always biased.

When Aaron’s done eating, Finn stands up and takes the empty tray from Aaron.

“Robert wants to make it clear that you’re not a prisoner, but a patient. Once you’re completely healed, you’ll get to actually roam around the village,” Finn frowns and then adds as an afterthought, “Though I guess that’s after you speak to Robert.”

“Okay,” Aaron says distantly.

Finn gives an awkward wave and repeats he can only give Aaron one more day. Aaron nods, feeling somewhat relieved. Finn goes out the door and he hears the door of the room clicking - effectively imprisoning Aaron in this falling apart room. Despite what Finn said earlier, he certainly feels like a prisoner, just in a different sense than before.

Aaron strains his ears to try to hear what is happening on the other side of the door. There’s footsteps, it sounds almost like they are going down - or up? - stairs. Aaron spies a window that’s on one of the walls of his room and goes to look out. It’s probably noon, given the shortness of the shadows, and there are little cottages that line the street. It really is like a small village, maybe not all that different than the one that Aaron grew up in.

Some people are puttering along the street, but quite extraordinarily, they use magic in any way possible. There’s an older woman who has a brown bag floating behind her as she ambles away. Some kids are playing on a lawn and using magic to wrestle with one another. It’s all so very... _ magical _ , in a way Aaron has not seen in so long.

But it doesn’t make him happy to see, it ruins him. He presses a hand to his eyes and chokes on a sob. He cries for so long he ends up feeling wrung out and exhausted. He passes out shortly afterward and dreams of Robert, and Paddy, and Doug, and living in the mage wing again. It’s the first time he’s dreamt in years.

*

The next morning, Finn drops the tray off but doesn’t stick around to chat this time. He raises a finger to his lips and gives a conspiratorial smile before dashing away. Aaron feels a little less despondent than the previous day, but dread settles in his stomach knowing his time is running short before Robert comes swanning in and acting all high and mighty.

Robert is a lot like Jack, Aaron thinks to himself. He wonders if Robert realizes that, or if it’s an unconscious personality trait. 

Aaron spends the days comparing Jack and Robert and the pain that all the Sugdens have inflicted on Aaron - either psychologically or physically. He’s consumed with so much hatred and self-pity that he doesn’t realize that a couple of hours have already passed and Finn is back with lunch.

He stays with Aaron for some time, again chatting as much as the day before. But there’s a nervousness about him and he sighs a couple of times before telling Aaron, “I have to tell Robert and the others. They barely believed me this morning.”

“I know,” Aaron replies, handing the tray to Finn. Finn takes it but stays quiet for a while, hesitating on whatever he wants to say to Aaron next.

“Whatever you think you know about Robert, it’s probably not true. He’s...really helped through all of this. Give him a chance,” Finn offers encouragingly. Any gratefulness that Aaron had felt earlier about Finn dies on the spot. He will not align himself who is sympathetic towards Robert.

“You don’t know what he’s done to me,” Aaron growls. 

Finn raises his hands in a surrender motion, “I’m sorry.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything back but rolls over on the bed to give his back to Finn. His emotions have been up and down since he awoke the day before. Almost as if they’re coming back to him after years of being devoid of anything. 

Eventually, Aaron hears the door closing, indicating Finn’s exit. There’s the clicking of the lock and soon Aaron is met with silence. Finn is probably running to Robert right now and Aaron is going to have to talk to him. Actually  _ speak _ to Robert. Aaron never thought he would speak to Robert ever again, hadn’t even considered the possibility of that. 

What would Robert say? What will Aaron say? Will they speak of the night they last saw each other? Or about the fact that they just tried to kill each other?

The day ticks by but Robert doesn’t come to see Aaron like he thought he would. He’s alone with his demons and dark thoughts and he craves that knife. It’s only when night falls and Aaron doesn’t think Robert will actually come that there’s a knock on the door, and Robert is stepping inside the room. 

“Hello Aaron,” Robert says softly and Aaron’s heart starts hammering in his cold dead chest. Anticipation, or anxiety well up in his throat as he sees the man Aaron once loved.

“Took you long enough,” Aaron dispassionately says, sitting up on the bed.

“Waiting for me, were you?” Robert asks with a smirk. 

“You wish.”

“I’m glad you’re up and awake,” Robert comes around the chair and sits down. Aaron feels like he’s in some sort of delusion, the way they’re just speaking to each other as if the past years were just a pause.

“You should have left it well enough alone. One healing doesn’t erase everything else that’s on me body,” Aaron says, rather uncomfortably. He will  _ not _ feel grateful that Robert healed him.

“If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have hurt you in the first place,” Robert states, leaning forward in his seat, closer towards Aaron. His comment causes Aaron to laugh derisively.

“Funny that, considering it was  _ you _ who made the first attack,” Aaron scoffs.

“Oh get off your high horse, Aaron. You were looking for me so you could kill me. Not my fault I found you before you could find me.”

“Are ya joking me?” Aaron jumps up from his bed, face flush with anger, “ _ All _ of this is your fault. It’s because of you, I’m like this!”

Robert staggers back, almost fearful of Aaron’s reaction. It’s just as well, since Aaron yells in Robert’s face, “You should have killed me out there. Because given the chance, I  _ will _ try to kill you again!”

Robert recoils as if he had been struck. He pushes Aaron gently away from him and says quietly, “You’re not well. Let me help you, Aaron.”

“Help?” Aaron repeats hysterically, “ _ Help _ ?! You are the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I wish I had never met ya!” Aaron’s voice cracks as tears begin to fill his eyes.

Robert looks ready to start crying as well: he blinks rapidly and gulps hard. Aaron looks away, not wanting to feel any sympathy for Robert. He can feel Robert reach out and tentatively touch Aaron’s shoulder. But Robert touching Aaron is like activating a switch, he fists his hands in Robert’s shirt and pulls him close to him.

“Five years you abandoned me!” Aaron yells, fisting his hands in Robert’s shirt. “I was rotting away while you made this...this  _ haven _ ? You abandoned me!” Aaron can’t help the sob that seizes in his chest. 

Robert’s face softens and he reaches to hold onto Aaron’s wrists softly, but Aaron jerks away. “Get off of me.”

“Aaron…” His voice is quiet and sympathetic, the first time Aaron’s heard Robert use that tone of voice since they were separated.

“I waited for you, Robert. That night.” Aaron turns away from Robert to hide his tear splotched face. “I waited and by the time I spotted the fire, they were ready to arrest me”

“Aaron...I thought you were dead.” Robert’s voice cracks. He tries in vain to touch Aaron’s shoulder but he shrugs him off and moves away.

“I may well ‘ave been. I have no magic anymore.” Aaron wipes angrily at his face. He tries not to show his vulnerability to Robert. 

“No...I can still feel it, Aaron. I know it’s there.” Robert encourages softly.

“You’re a liar,” Aaron presses the heel of his hand to his eye, squeezing them shut. “You’re just saying that to make yourself feel better.”

"Can't you see what he's done to us?" Robert asks brokenly. He doesn’t even have to say his name, but he knows Robert is talking about Jack.

Once upon a time, Aaron hated Jack. He hated Jack and he defended Robert to the end of the world. Now, Aaron sits in this room, a shell of the person he used to be. He knows it’s Jack’s fault - he’s the root of all his suffering. But somewhere along the way, that truth got twisted and deformed into the truth that Aaron believes: that it’s all Robert’s fault. Seeds of self-doubt have grown into something that cannot be tamed.

“I don’t know who you are anymore,” Aaron states quietly, “And you don’t know me. It wasn’t Jack who caused this, it was  _ you _ .”

Robert doesn’t say anything in response, and a silence falls over them. A tense, uncomfortable silence and Aaron wishes that Robert would just leave the room. But no, Robert sits on that stupid chair, breathing softly. 

“You said you loved me, remember?” Robert finally says apropos of nothing, he curls his fingers tightly around the chair edge and leans forward, “Do you remember? That night, you told me the best thing I had ever heard in my life.”

There’s urgency in his voice and Aaron’s heart clenches, tears welling up in his eyes. “‘Course I remember…” Aaron whispers it. How could Aaron ever forget that night? It was a memory he held onto for many nights during his time in jail. Aaron closes his eyes, overcome with pain and devastation, and a singular tear falls down his cheek.

“If you ever loved me, you wouldn’t put me in this position. Don’t you want to know the truth about what happened? Don’t you deserve to be happy?” 

“And if you ever loved me, you’d end my suffering and kill me already,” Aaron lays on the bed, turns his back to Robert and curls in on himself. 

Robert doesn’t say anything for a long while until he sighs softly. Aaron, too curious for his own good, peeks an eye over his shoulder to watch Robert get up from the chair.

“I know why Jack sent you here. And even if you don’t want to hear it, I hope to show you everything that’s happened since we’ve been separated, and you can make your decision if you still want to kill me,” Robert resolutely says, dusting his trousers.

Aaron turns over and watches as Robert leaves the room. The usual clicking of the door locking comes moments later, and Aaron closes his eyes, listening to Robert leave. 

He counts his breaths, in and out, for a few moments, knowing how long it usually takes Finn before he leaves the house. After a while, Aaron closes his eyes before getting up and looking outside to watch Robert walk away.

The rows of houses are illuminated by lights and Aaron spots a woman standing on the sidewalk. Aaron’s eyes are too fucked to tell what this woman looks like, but he knows for certain that she is facing the house - it makes Aaron feel uneasy looking at her.

Eventually, he sees Robert step onto the street, and he goes straight for the standing woman. Aaron can see the silhouette of both their shadows as Robert approaches her. She reaches out to Robert when he reaches her, takes her hand, and moves it to his chest. When he lets go of her, she wraps her arms around Robert’s left arm and leans her head on his shoulder as they walk away from the house. 

Robert doesn’t look back once, and the uneasiness settles into the pit of Aaron’s stomach.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron gets to see the mage village and learns the truth of what happened five years ago.

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, he feels more tired than he’s felt in years. Between the events of the past couple of days and being emotionally wrung out from his conversation with Robert, there’s not an ounce of energy in him. He lays on his ratty bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. He feels like he cannot even muster the energy to close his eyes and go back to sleep.

He doesn’t know how long he just lies there, almost catatonic. But regardless of the amount of time that passes, there’s a quiet knock that brings Aaron out of whatever funk he woke up with. He moves his eyes over to the door and Finn sticks his head into the room.

“Oh! Good morning! Still sleeping?” Finn asks to which Aaron just stares blankly at him. Finn doesn’t wait for an answer and lets the rest of his body into the room, carrying the same tray he does every morning.

“Heard you got a visit from Robert yesterday,” Finn starts tentatively, placing the food on the bed. Aaron pulls himself into a sitting position and takes the tray and grunts to Finn’s words, still not finding the energy to speak.

“He told me that you should come take a tour of the village, if you’re up for it,” Finn suggests, sitting himself on the chair. The chair where Robert sat last night and cried and reached out to Aaron. He blinks a couple of times, trying to get the memory out of his head.

“Okay.”

“You can come meet the other patients,” Finn suggests with a smile and Aaron just shrugs. He’s not very interested in meeting other people right now, but he hadn’t realized there were other patients.

Finn seems to cotton on to Aaron's silent confusion because he’s soon explaining, “There’s probably still a hundred or so mages still living in the kingdom. We’ve been trying to find them and bring them here. Some of them are like you, but instead of the castle holding them prisoners, it was in their own towns and villages.”

The news comes as a sort of shock to Aaron considering the way everyone at the castle made it seem like Aaron was an anomaly in being alive rather than get killed. It’s a small comfort to Aaron - he’s felt the weight of many dead mages on his shoulders for years, the fact that some of them have survived comes as a relief. 

Finn lets Aaron be alone to freshen up before going downstairs with the others and Aaron slowly ambles about to the bathroom connected to the room. Aaron splashes some water onto his face and he properly looks at himself in the mirror. He had avoided the mirror since coming here, but he wanted to look at himself and see the person that Robert had seen last night.

And what Aaron sees when he looks at the mirror is someone he’s not sure he recognizes. There are bags under his eyes and a dullness in his eyes. It’s not all that different from when Aaron looked at himself when he was staying at the castle, but there is something different about looking at himself now. He had apathy in his appearance before, but now people that actually matter are perceiving him and making judgments of his appearance. His beard is a little unkempt, but nothing that a quick trim wouldn’t fix. He just feels old and worn out and the person who is staring at him reflects that feeling soundly. 

*

By the time Aaron makes it downstairs, there are a few people already done eating but they all gaze at Aaron with hopeful smiles. The stairs lead straight into the dining room and it’s just as brightly lit as Aaron’s bedroom. The people sitting at the table vary in age, some looking younger than Aaron and others looking older. 

Finn introduces everyone to Aaron and they all smile and Aaron tries to smile back, but it feels forced and strained. He hopes it’s not obvious to them.

“Heard you were a prisoner, too,” a young boy, Noah, asks Aaron when he sits down.

“I was,” Aaron confirms, feeling sad that this young boy was jailed just like Aaron. How cruel that someone so young has just  _ now _ been freed. “How long have you been here?”

He looks up and bops her head left and right, as if trying to recall, “Maybe about a month. They broke my arms and I couldn’t heal myself.”

Aaron looks at his arms and he sees a slight irregularity in both of his forearms. Aaron nods and his heart bleeds for the boy. He had been so wrapped up in his own grief he had no idea other people suffered as well.

“Can you do magic still?” Noah whispers, “Because I can’t. Though Finn reckons I’ll get it back.”

Aaron’s chest aches painfully as he looks at this kid, “Yeah, that’s what they tell me, too.”

Noah seems satisfied by that answer and munches at some toast. Another kid is looking on at them with mild curiosity, but when Aaron meets her eyes, she averts her gaze and leaves the table without a word. 

Finn tells Aaron that all the people convalescing here have lost some part of their magic. But others who have lost have slowly regained it. It’s the most hopeful that Aaron has ever felt since losing his magic. But then Finn has to ruin it when he asks, “Do you know what your magic was tied to?”

“My,” Aaron clears his throat uncomfortably, “my emotions.”

Finn’s eyebrows shoot up over his glasses and it’s not the reaction Aaron was hoping he’d get, “Oh.”

“Right, so is that all you have to say?” 

“No, no, sorry. I just...have never met anyone whose magic was tied to emotions. That’s ah...interesting. But not impossible, I don’t think? I’ll have to talk to someone about it,” Finn adjusts his glasses a little and frowns. 

“Well cheers for that,” Aaron says sarcastically and pushes his chair out from the table and walks out of the dining room with a huff.

He’s only alone for a few moments before Finn predictably sidles over to Aaron, “I know that wasn’t the answer you were expecting. But everyone who has come through here, we’ve gotten them their magic back. I don’t think you’ll be the exception.”

Despite himself, Aaron smiles a little. 

“I know what will cheer you up, how about that tour now?” Finn says brightly, pulling Aaron through the front door and out of the house for the first time since he’s been in the village.

*

The tour is pretty uneventful. Finn points out a few buildings that might be useful for Aaron’s knowledge, but mainly it’s just white noise. His thoughts are elsewhere but he makes the appropriate noises as if he’s listening to Finn’s yammering.

“Are there any non magical people living here?” Aaron asks curiously at some point during the tour.

“Yes,” Finn confirms with a smile. “Some are spouses of mages, others are family members.”

Aaron nods and thinks about Chas. He’s not entertained the thought of reuniting with her for many years, but he can’t help but wonder if it’s even possible that she might be here. He follows Finn with a little spring in his step afterwards.

When they get to the fringes of the village, there’s a small clearing and forest beyond it that catches Aaron’s eye. He’s not sure what it is that captivates him, but he suddenly wants to be here and be near nature. 

Aaron stops in his tracks as he stares at the clearing and it catches Finn’s attention after a few moments. He turns around and looks at Aaron with a questioning look on his face.

“Can I stay here? On me own?” Aaron adds when it looks like Finn is going to say no, “I promise I’m not going to go anywhere else.”

“Think you can find your way back to the old house?” Finn asks tentatively, taking a step closer to Aaron and wringing his hands together in a nervous manner. 

“Yeah,” Aaron lies, staring at the forest and not really paying attention to Finn. 

“Oh-kay, I’ll just be...yeah,”Finn distantly says to Aaron’s side. There’s a few steps from Finn as he walks away and Aaron is thankfully alone. He heaves a shaky sigh and walks over to the clearing. He can’t explain it, but there’s something enticing about being nature and away from the bustling of this very magical and alive village.

Aaron sits on a stump and gazes out into the thick forest. He clenches and unclenches his palm a few times, feeling nothing. He closes his eyes, thinking of the fundamentals of his teachings - about allowing the magic to flow through him and not force it. He tries to think of happier times, hoping a happier emotion will draw his magic out as opposed to all the grief he’s felt in recent years.

All his memories at the castle are tinged in deceit and mistrust, so he tries to think of Chas. Aaron doesn’t really remember what she looks like, but he remembers her warm smile and gobby mouth. How she protected Aaron and made him feel safe. It makes him smile softly - a small, devastated smile.

There’s a light breeze that caresses Aaron’s face and he takes a deep breath in. And then out.

Something twinges underneath Aaron’s fingertips and he opens his eyes and sits up straighter, trying not to get too excited. He tries waving his hand over some grass, pretending like he could do magic. It’s futile, though. He feels like he’s eleven again and Doug is asking him to bloom a flower.

Aaron is so caught up with the fantasy he could really have magic again that he doesn’t hear the footsteps behind him.

“What are you doing out here, Dingle lad?” 

The voice and the old nickname startles Aaron, causing him to stand, turn, and swing his fist, connecting right into Robert’s jaw.

“Ow! Fuck!” Robert groans, cradling at his jaw.

“Don’t call me that!” Aaron snaps, feeling all sorts of emotions well up inside of him. How dare Robert call him that like it was only yesterday he had been calling Aaron that? As if their conversation from last night suddenly absolves all the conflicting emotions he feels about being here. 

Robert just groans, still clutching his jaw, but Aaron doesn’t feel an ounce of sympathy for him, “What are you doing sneaking up on me?”

“Well I didn’t know you were going to punch me, did I!” Robert whines back. Robert holds his jaw for a few more seconds before he lets go and it looks just as perfect as any other day, no trace of Aaron’s fist.

“Had Finn spying on me, then?” Aaron asks, crossing his arms around his chest in a defensive manner. He should have known Finn would’ve blabbed on Aaron.

“No, I just spotted you. What were you doing? Channeling your inner Doug?” Robert teases and his words make Aaron’s blood boil.

“Is this all some sort of  _ joke _ to ya?” Aaron shoves at Robert’s chest. He should probably watch how he’s acting considering Robert is the leader of this village and as far as anyone knows, Aaron is the mage traitor who tried to kill Robert. But Robert’s blase way of speaking about Doug enraged him. “Doug is dead and you make fun of him?”

Robert rolls his eyes and lightly pushes Aaron out of his space. “Oh spare me, Aaron. I’ve known about Doug since the beginning. I mourned him, just like we mourned everyone who was unjustly killed. Like I mourned  _ you _ . But it doesn’t do Doug or anyone else any favors if all we do is cry about them.”

Aaron shakes his head and sits back down on the stump. He knows it’s useless to try to argue with Robert about this. He thinks it’s useless to do anything concerning Robert.

“Why are you here? Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?” Aaron pathetically asks, kicking at the grass he tried to perform magic on.

“Since when did I ever listen to you?” that teasing lilt in Robert’s voice is back.

“This isn’t a game to me.”

“Who said it was?” Robert asks, stepping over to Aaron, sitting on the ground next to the stump. “I’m trying to make an effort here, I really am.”

Aaron shifts on the stump a little but doesn’t say anything to Robert. There’s a million questions he wants to ask. Does Robert know more than Finn about Aaron’s magic coming back? Who was the woman he left with last night? Did Robert really mourn Aaron?

“Guess I should congratulate you,” Aaron says instead of delving into his emotions. When Robert makes a quiet questioning noise to the right of him, Aaron continues, “About you getting to be the king you always wanted to be.”

“I’m not a King, Aaron,” Robert immediately responds. Aaron just smiles humorlessly and rolls his eyes. “I’m not. I just stepped up to lead when we needed someone to lead.”

“Sure it was no skin off your nose to do that,” Aaron just shakes his head. The fight they had that night of Aaron’s graduation - before their declarations of love and before everything went to hell - Aaron remembers vividly how Robert bemoaned the fact his birthright had been taken away from him. There’s bitterness in Aaron because it truly does feel as though Robert has had it easy since that night, getting everything he’s wanted.

“I’ve got nothing to explain to you, Aaron. You don’t know what happened all those years ago,” Robert says bitterly. Robert has constantly tried speaking to Aaron with kid gloves on, it’s good to finally hear Robert speak to Aaron like a bloody adult for once.

“So why don’t you actually explain it to me, huh? Instead of joking around with me like nothing has happened?” Aaron shoots up from the stump and crosses his arms over his chest. 

“What, out here?” Robert exclaims, also standing up and looking around. There’s no one near them, just a few other villagers milling around but not within earshot of them. Robert has this guilty look on his face and 

“Oi! Mage killer!” Another voice comes brashly behind the pair of them, breaking whatever tension that was brewing between them. The hairs on Aaron’s neck stand, knowing whoever it is speaking to them is calling Aaron the ‘mage killer’. He turns around and sees a woman standing with her hands on hips scowling at Aaron. “Up and about are you? Gonna try to kill our Robert again?”

Before Aaron can retort, Robert stands up and takes a step as a shield between Aaron and the woman. He puts an arm out in front of Aaron, “Nicola, it’s fine. Aaron and I were just talking.”

So this was Nicola, Aaron thinks to himself as he gazes at this village’s second in command. There’s nothing very remarkable about her, but Aaron supposes her smaller frame is more than made up by her fiery personality. 

“Oh that’s what you said when you went to get him, remember? ‘Oh Nicola, I’ll go and talk sense in him’. Never mind that you were almost killed by this one!” Nicola gestures wildly at Aaron, “Now he’s just walking about the village like nothing happened!”

Aaron won’t apologize for the way he reacted when he saw Robert, he had a duty he was entrusted with. Still, her words manage to get under Aaron’s skin and he bristles with indignation, “Are you his keeper or summat?”

Nicola’s eyes almost bulge out of her head with Aaron’s question and she splutters a bit. Robert looks back at Aaron with an amused smile and his eyes are dancing with delight. Finally, Nicola snaps out of her shock and decisively says, “No! As if!”

“Then why don’t you stick your beak out what doesn’t concern you!” Aaron snipes back.

“You’ve got some cheek! You’re lucky Robert likes you, else I woulda chucked you out of here a long time ago!” Nicola hollers and stomps off without another word.

“Is she your person or whatever?” Aaron asks with as much disinterest in his voice but he can’t help but wonder. She doesn’t exactly have the same build as the woman from last night but it was dark so it’s not like Aaron could accurately describe what she looked like.

“You what?” Robert says with a laugh in his voice. “God, no!”

Aaron flushes in embarrassment, “Well sorry! I don’t know how it is with you bisexuals or whatever.”

“Why would you think that?” Robert asks without any judgement or accusation in his voice, which Aaron supposes is a bit of a relief. Despite it all, he does feel embarrassed about his assumption.

“I saw you last night. Leaving with some bird,” Aaron mumbles, frowning slightly.

Robert doesn’t say anything at first. He’s silent and guilty and Aaron wants to just say to forget about it all, but then Robert takes a step closer to Aaron and looks at him intently. It’s soul searing and not the reaction Aaron thought Robert would act.

“I think it’s time you find out about the night you got arrested, don’t you?” Robert asks instead and it’s an odd way of changing the subject back to what they were talking about earlier. Especially since it seemed like Robert was about to make an excuse before Nicola interrupted.

Before Aaron can respond, Robert turns on his heel and stalks away. Aaron runs to catch up and they silently make their way back to the old house that Aaron has been staying at. Idly, Aaron is thankful that Robert is taking them back because he doesn’t think he would have been able to get back on his own. 

A couple of the patients greet Aaron and Robert when they get back to the house, but Robert just breezes past them and darts up the stairs with Aaron trying to keep up. 

When they get back into Aaron’s bedroom, Robert goes and sits on the chair by the bed and motions Aaron to follow. Cautiously, Aaron walks over to the bed and sits down, eyeing Robert suspiciously. But then...Robert doesn't say anything. He just stares at Aaron until he’s uncomfortable and looking away from Robert’s intense gaze. 

“I want you to be calm,” Robert says softly, putting his hand on Aaron’s shoulder, “And know that whatever you’ve known these past fives years has always been through an outsider’s perspective.”

“Right, get on with it!” Aaron says impatiently, irritated of the way that Robert is waffling about trying to be considerate or something.

Robert nods tightly and opens his mouth several times, but every time closing it again. He looks visibly distressed, trying to find the words to defend himself. He paces in the room for a few moments, agitating Aaron.

“Why don’t you tell me what  _ you _ know about that night,” Robert decides on, going to sit next to Aaron. He looks so earnestly at Aaron, his beautiful green eyes are just as striking as the night they last saw each other, five years ago.

“About you being part of a rogue organization who wanted to end the monarchy and kill Sarah?” Aaron says, and saying out loud does leave a little doubt in Aaron’s resolve. 

“It’s true,” Robert says softly. There’s a faraway look on his face, guilt borne. 

“How could you kill her?” Aaron whispers, his heart hammering in his chest. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, this is the same person who tried to kill Aaron after claiming he mourned Aaron’s ‘death’. But Robert  _ loved _ his mother, it was the piece of the puzzle Aaron hadn’t believed. 

Robert turns to look at Aaron, and that distant look on his face is still there. “No...no. I didn’t kill her. But about the organization, that’s true.”

“What?” Of all the things Aaron had been fed in his years imprisoned, the fact that Robert was part of the rogue organization was the one he had the hardest time believing.

“All those times I went into town for a few days…” Robert starts. “I did go for healing and taking care of what I needed to do. But in the evenings...well that’s when I met Nicola and she invited me to a few meetings. We met at pubs and just talked about the monarchy and how it wasn’t right that Jack got to dictate what we got to do with our lives.”

“You never told me,” Aaron murmurs, heart breaking. He hadn’t recognized this man before him for a while, but to also hear that even when they confided in each other, Robert had still kept secrets from him. It’s just another way for Aaron to lose trust in Robert.

“No,” Robert agrees quietly. “I didn’t know how you would take it. I thought you would accuse me of being bitter about not having the crown. But it wasn’t like that. I just didn’t believe we had to dedicate our lives to the kingdom.”

“No!” Aaron shouts, unable to stay quiet and listen to this garbage. He stands up over Robert in anger, “I had never believed in serving our kingdom, and you knew that! I had always hated being torn from me mum! It’s why I attacked you the first time we ever met, and you know that!”

Robert doesn’t say anything, just sits there looking at Aaron. It should annoy him, the way Robert has this guilty look on his face and not saying anything to defend himself. 

“You’re right, and it’s something I’ve regretted for years,” Robert confesses. “I don’t think I have a good reason why I kept it from you.”

A small tear falls out of Aaron’s left eye, “Everything I thought I knew about you feels like a lie.”

Robert reaches out and touches Aaron wrist softly, “It was only a lie of omission. Everything else, that was all true. I loved you, I  _ still _ love you.”

Aaron jerks his hand out of Robert’s hold and walks away from Robert, going to stand in front of the window. He wants to throttle Robert, how dare he say something like that.

“Don’t-” Aaron presses a hand to his eye, squeezing them shut. “Don’t  _ ever _ say that to me again.”

“Aaron,” Robert whispers, getting up to stand behind Aaron. He can feel the heat from Robert’s body behind him and it’s too much. Just too much. He turns around and pushes past Robert to go back to his bed.

“Just tell me about that night,” Aaron demands, his face flushed from the tears that threaten to spill out of his eyes. “Tell me why you have been accused of killing your own mother.”

Robert reluctantly makes his way back to the bed with a heaviness in his steps. He scrubs his face with his hands in frustration while he continues to flounder for words to say. 

“That night… it was a lie that I left you to have dinner with my mum. But I wasn’t going up there to kill my mum that night,” Robert states softly. “I was going up to kill Jack.”

The room stills into stunned silence after Robert’s confession. A hundred thoughts are whirring through Aaron’s mind as he tries to reconcile this new knowledge. They had kissed that night and minutes later, Robert was going to go kill his own father. 

“He had held us under his iron fist for years,” Robert says, voice rising defensively despite the fact that Aaron has not said a word. “And...and he doesn’t deserve to be king if he doesn’t treat everyone with respect. And I’m not just talking about mages. The way,” Robert abruptly stops and blinks a few times trying to blink back tears from spilling. Aaron’s heart lurches in his chest when he realizes it and he actually wants to  _ comfort _ Robert. But just as Robert abruptly stopped, he continues, tears gone, “The way he chucked me out of my family because I like both men and women...it not having anything to do with being a mage.”

“Robert…” Aaron says softly, actually feeling sorry for him. It’s a weird feeling because he still resents part of Robert, but seeing him cry and be emotional...well Aaron doesn’t have a heart of stone. 

“I wasn’t meant to be there long. Just unlock the door for others to go in, and then, I was going to go back and meet you at the tree,” Robert explains tentatively. The caution in his voice seemed to predict that Aaron would react negatively to that explanation.

“So you were using me for an alibi,” Aaron nods with a bitter smile. He feels used in a way he didn’t think was even possible.

“What? No!” Robert stands up and tries to get closer to Aaron but still tries to respect Aaron’s comfort zone. 

“I had every intention of telling you everything, I mean it!” Robert insists, and actually has the audacity to outstretch his hand towards Aaron, as if he would take it or something. It just hangs awkwardly as Robert continues, “But...I don’t know, Jack knew, or he had been expecting something. When I got there, there was already smoke and I could hear my mum screaming.”

Robert has a brokenness in his voice as he tries to recount the events of the night and Aaron unconsciously takes Robert’s outstretched hand. 

“I saw Andy, and he told me,” Robert breaks off and wipes away a small tear. Aaron squeezes the hand in comfort and the smallest of smiles quirks on Robert’s face. “He told me it was my fault that mum was going to die. I don’t remember what happened next, I think I pushed him aside and kept running, looking for her.”

Aaron closes his eyes and frowns, bracing himself for the next part of the story. He did tell Robert he wanted to know everything, but he knows it can’t be easy to have to retell the death of a parent.

“I did find her, behind a wooden beam that had fallen onto the stairs. She was trapped behind a wall of fire. I was able to extinguish the fire with my magic but it took a lot out of me. I was half dead myself but we held each other close and started running.”

“What?” Aaron whispers, the story taking a different turn than he could ever imagine. Is Robert implying that Sarah…?

“I found Nicola and she told me it was all a setup, someone sold us out and we had to leave before the guards could find us. So...we ran, and we ran.”

Aaron feels dizzy, as if the room is spinning. Because everything he’s hearing, it just doesn’t make any sense. He feels sick to his stomach. 

“So you ran, and you left me?” Aaron asks, tears in his eyes. 

“Aaron…” Robert’s voice cracks and squeezes Aaron’s hand when he tries to pry it out of Robert’s grasp. “Everything was happening so fast, we didn’t know what was going on. But...we ran to the tree. I went looking for you. But you weren’t there and they were telling me that the guards had started capturing mages and were executing them.”

“You went looking for me?” Now it’s Aaron’s turn for his voice to crack. Because this? This story is nothing like Aaron could have fathomed.

“It was always going to be me and you,” Robert murmurs, and it’s that statement that is Aaron’s breaking point. He collapses in Robert’s arms and begins crying. He has thought about a million different ways that night could have gone during his time in jail. But the idea of Robert coming to rescue him with Sarah by his side? Well it’s almost too much to even handle. He cries at all the lost time they have wasted, all the hurt that Jack has inflicted on him because of Robert. Life has never been fair to Aaron and he cries because if he hadn’t been so bloody curious, he might have been gifted with some respite.

“It’s okay, Aaron, it’s okay,” Robert says softly, running his hands up and down Aaron’s back as he cries his eyes out. His heart twists and he feels he’s going to be ill, feeling all this confusion and deception and manipulation burning through his body.

But despite it all, despite all this inner turmoil, Aaron can’t help but think it feels nice to be comforted by Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m happy to finally reveal what happened that night. It’s been fun to try to peel it away slowly and I hope it was worth the wait :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron meets someone from his past, and life in the little village starts to show its cracks.

Aaron wakes feeling as though he's floating.

After Robert’s confession, it took a while for Aaron to calm down. By the time he was done, the toll of crying had exhausted him and despite the fact it was barely midday, Aaron fell asleep. Now, he’s waking out of his slumber and he honestly feels like he’s  _ floating _ .

The feeling doesn’t last long - when he opens his eyes, he feels the firm surface of his bed. It didn’t feel like a dream, Aaron could swear he was floating, and not in a metaphorical way. The feeling was like a fluttering in his chest, a feeling he's not felt since…

Aaron’s thoughts are interrupted by a groaning coming from below his bed. Aaron shifts over and sees Robert on the floor, sprawled out. Robert groans again, stretching his limbs in all sorts of directions.

“What are you doing down there?” Aaron asks, sitting up from his bed. He swings his legs onto the edge of the bed, his feet edging near Robert’s arm.

“Sleeping,” Robert simply says, using his elbow to push himself up. He winces when he moves and bemoans, “Ugh. I don’t feel old, but sleeping on the floor has done a number on my body.”

“Why are you  _ here _ ?” Aaron ignores Robert’s grouching.

Robert blinks up at Aaron and pushes himself to his feet, still looking at Aaron. He silently gestures for permission to sit next to Aaron and he agrees somewhat wearily. Robert gingerly sits next to Aaron and there’s something very familiar to this scene. Aaron’s chest clenches in heartache - another lost memory tainted with uncertainty. 

Aaron and Robert sit in silence for a stretch of time, and it’s not heavy nor awkward. He doesn’t remember the last time they could just sit in silence without the encumbrance of loaded questions and anger. Aaron’s earlier question was almost forgotten before finally Robert shifts and looks at Aaron again, “I wasn’t going to leave you on your own after everything I just told you. You weren’t in a state to be left alone.”

It’s a little embarrassing remembering how Aaron collapsed into tears just a few hours ago. Despite the awkwardness, it was a good cry. For the first time in years, there’s this weight that’s been lifted from Aaron’s pit. He feels like a different and renewed person.

But still, there are conflicting thoughts that cloud his mind and it leaves him feeling like the person sitting next to Aaron is a stranger. There’s this truth he believed in for years and was ready to die on that belief, and then there’s the  _ actual _ truth that leaves the entire world turned on its side. It’s confusing and disconcerting.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Aaron quietly confesses. The confession feels more embarrassing than the cry he had earlier. This is laying his soul bare to Robert, and admitting there’s something wrong with his head.

“I’ll help you find yourself again,” Robert says softly. He hesitates for a few seconds, but then takes Aaron’s hand and holds it in a loose grip. It’s such a simple gesture, such a simple feeling, but it causes a wave of tension and emotions to flurry inside his chest.

“My magic…” Aaron brokenly says, finally allowing himself to talk to Robert about it. He wonders if he should mention how he felt as if he was floating earlier. But the more he thinks about it, the more he’s sure it was just his sleep-addled mind playing tricks on him.

“It’s there,” Robert lets go of Aaron’s hand and before he can mourn the loss of feeling, Robert gently touches Aaron’s chest. “I know your magic as well as I know my own. And I can feel it, Aaron. It’s there. Waiting.”

“All those memories, they don’t just go away, you know,” Aaron says softly, shaking Robert’s hand off his chest. The memories of the whip cracking on his back, the hateful words the guards told him repeatedly, those can’t just be erased after a good cry and learning the truth. There are things you just can’t forget.

“You’ll find a way to let them go. Being here, with people who are like you, you’ll understand you’re not a burden, Aaron. You never were,” Robert reassures gently, loosely taking Aaron's hand again.

Aaron sighs and shifts on the bed, side to side, careful not to move his hand and lose the feeling of Robert’s touch. It’s oddly grounding.

“Will you come stay with me?” Robert asks after a brief silence.

“What do you mean?”

Robert slightly tightens his hold on Aaron’s hand, “I mean...leave this house and come live at my place. I have a spare room.”

Aaron stares blankly at Robert, unable to find the words to answer. He thinks to the night he and Robert met again for the first time, about how Robert had told him he’s not a prisoner. Sure, Aaron got to meet some of the villagers and even wandered a bit before seeing Robert. But is that freedom? Now that he knows the truth about everything, does Robert expect everything to be okay? Aaron tried to kill Robert not too long ago, and here Robert is, inviting Aaron to come live with him.

“You don’t have to make a decision right now,” Robert hastily says, picking his hands up in an innocent manner. The loss of Robert’s hand on Aaron’s causes him to stare at his hand with a slight frown.

“Maybe...in a few days? Give me time to just wrap me head around everything,” Aaron suggests with uncertainty in his voice.

“Yeah, ‘course. Whatever you want!” Robert eagerly agrees, causing Aaron to quirk a smile. There’s familiarity in Robert’s animations and it’s annoyingly charming to see.

Robert sticks around for a bit longer, and they even have lunch with the others in the medic house. Finn looks chuffed seeing Robert and Aaron interacting with each other. Even the other kids that Aaron met earlier are excited to see Robert at the table, like he’s some sort of celebrity. 

Aaron doesn’t want to admit it, but he falls asleep with a smile on his face that evening.

*

It takes only four days before Aaron decides that he does want to live with Robert. The answer comes quickly enough given that every evening Robert has turned up at the medic house to ask Aaron if he wants to go for a walk. They walk around the outskirts of the village. Sometimes, it’s silent and heavy with contemplation. Other times, Robert will run into villagers and they want to have a chat with him before they move on. 

Robert doesn’t extend his invitation for Aaron to live with him again, but the heavy sighs and sad eyes Robert gives at the end of each walk speaks for itself. Still, Aaron lets him suffer for a bit before finally relenting and agreeing to come live with Robert.

The night after Aaron agrees he’s ready to come and live with Robert, Aaron tosses and turns the entire night. Between fighting with his sheets and trying to silence all his running thoughts, the night feels twice as long as normal. When the sun peeks its way from the horizon, Aaron gives up trying to fall back to sleep and gets up for the day.

It’s just Finn at the table when Aaron comes down for breakfast. It’s not that much of a surprise - Aaron doesn’t think anyone else is even up right now.

“Mornin’,” Finn pleasantly greets Aaron with a bright smile, and Aaron tries not to glower at Finn’s perky personality despite the early hour. “You’re down here early!”

Aaron just grunts and takes a seat at the table near Finn. Finn is buttering some toast, and offers a piece to Aaron. He takes it, even if the thought of food so early makes him feel ill.

They sit mostly in silence. Finn is munching on his toast and humming softly to himself while Aaron picks at his piece of toast and plays with the crumbs. Aaron watches Finn curiously - there has always been something vaguely familiar about him but Aaron has never been able to put a finger on why.

“Do you have any family?” Aaron asks, thinking maybe he just knows 

“We all have family at some point, don’t we?” Finn says, evading the question. 

“Yeah...suppose we do,” Aaron agrees somewhat ambivalently. 

“I don’t like thinking about my family. Don’t want to be called soft chops, or something,” Finn continues with a wry laugh. The use of the word ‘soft’ chops’ instantly clues Aaron in on why Finn looks so familiar.

“Are you related to Ross?” 

Finn starts, as if physically struck. He straightens in the chair and looks at Aaron all bug-eyed. “You know Ross?”

‘Know’ is rather subjective, but Aaron gives a vague nod. Finn lets out a shaky breath and pushes his glasses up his nose, “He’s my brother.”

“He thinks you’re dead,” Aaron says, thinking about that one night on his way to the mage village. That one guard telling him that Ross had become hardened because of the death of the mages and subsequently his brother.

“Suppose that’s what everyone thinks,” Finn mumbles softly, staring at his plate, in another world.

“When did you last see him?”

“Guess I was eight, when my magic manifested,” Finn pushes himself out from the table to stand. “But that’s the past, innit? This is our lives now.”

He doesn’t wait for Aaron to respond before he excuses himself from the dining room. Something about the definitive way Finn said that this is their lives now deeply unsettles Aaron. But he doesn’t get to dwell on it too much longer before other patients make their way down the stairs to start the morning.

Aaron spends some time with them for a bit before going back upstairs to pack up the little things he owns. Robert will be over at any moment and Aaron is ready to move on from the medic house.

It’s only a couple hours later that Robert saunters in with this greedy smile. As if he can’t help the smile to overtake his face. It’s contagious and Aaron is smiling back as Robert approaches.

“Ready?” Robert asks, nodding at the bag. There’s some clothes that Finn had given him during his stay stuffed in the bag, and that’s really it. It’s not like he had carried much on his way from the castle to here, even if he had, that bag had been lost among everything.

“Yeah,” Aaron hauls the small bag over his shoulder. He gives a smile and wave to Finn and some of the other patients and he walks out of the medic house, the place that had been his home for the past couple of days.

Aaron follows Robert out of the medic house to his home. He’s nervous, leaving the medic house. It was there that Aaron’s life completely changed, and it had become a sort of refuge for his conflicting thoughts and emotions. By living with Robert, he's inviting a constant reminder of his past to be with him all the time.

Robert ushers Aaron into a small little cottage - smaller than the medic house. It’s not what he had been expecting. Maybe the bitter part of him expected this large, imposing, castle-like home. But it’s very much the opposite. They stand rather close to each other in the living space, not entirely because it’s a cramped space but almost to make room in the home.

“Would you like a tour?” Robert finally asks, sounding slightly nervous. Maybe he feels the same nervousness as Aaron does, and it gives him the confidence to give a nonchalant shrug.

The living space feeds into the dining and kitchen area. There’s a small table with mismatched chairs shoved underneath and a bowl of fruit on top in a breakfast nook that has double doors into a garden space. The kitchen has its own little charm, too. With its hanging pots and pans on the wall to a space rack sitting on one of the counters. The rack is the only thing on the otherwise immaculate counters.

“I can make ya dinner after the tour, if you fancy it,” Robert suggests with a shy smile. It’s odd thinking of Robert cooking, a sight Aaron has never seen before. He’s never seen Robert in a kitchen before, come to think of it. They lived an entirely different life when they lived in the castle.

“Sure,” Aaron says if only to watch Robert cook. He wonders if Robert is a decent cook or if Aaron will end up regretting his decision.

They leave the kitchen area and it’s so funny watching Robert flit about his home like a worried mother. Like he’s worried about Aaron’s opinion of the house or something. The rest of the first floor is modest and tidy, rounding it into a very humble home. The stairs that lead to the second floor are narrow, allowing only one person to go up or down. The second floor has two bedrooms along a dimly lit hallway with a bathroom squeezed between them.

All in all, it’s relatively bare bones, but Aaron supposed that’s what happens when you’re forced to flee your home and not bring anything with you.

The lack of personality reminds Aaron of the photograph he found of him and Robert in the treehouse and it’s a painful thought - like picking at a scab. Aaron had felt justified in his anger and devastation upon seeing the photo of the two of them, but at the same time, everything Aaron has known has been warped and twisted. If Aaron hadn’t seen and torn the picture, he might not even be here. It was the catalyst that brought Aaron here to kill Robert. Now, he stands in Robert’s home charmed by Robert’s nervousness.

It’s a hard thing to reconcile. 

*

“How did you find this place?” Aaron asks later, after Robert serves their dinner. It’s a question that has bugged Aaron for a while. The buildings look old and even sitting in Robert’s breakfast nook, he feels the years of this home. 

“Ah,” Robert sits across from Aaron and rubs his chin absentmindedly. “Well, when we fled the castle, it was my mum, Nicola, Nicola’s husband, Jimmy, and myself. All the other mages who were in on the plan didn’t make it.” Robert pauses, as if mourning their loss, but after a beat of silence he shakes his head and continues, “There were a few other operatives who didn’t come to the castle and they were waiting for us at the pub we regularly met. But we didn’t stay long. News of my mum’s supposed death started circulating and the rounding up of mages started happening that night. So we fled the town and travelled as far as we could.

“One of the mages who was travelling with us, Alicia, remembered the village she and her family had once lived in. She couldn’t remember why, but it had been abandoned for years. So we came here. Then enchanted it so no one could find it.”

Hearing about the lost years is fascinating to Aaron. Every day had virtually been the same to him, that just hearing this story is overwhelming. And it was only a span of a couple of days that all of this happened. It makes Aaron want to cry. But not out of frustration, or anger, or even sadness. Just mourning the loss time of his life. He doesn’t cry though - Robert is still rambling about the early days at the village and if he sees Aaron cry, he’ll most likely stop talking. Aaron doesn’t want him to stop talking.

That’s how they spend their first night at Robert’s home. He talks wildly and gesticulates as he recounts how he got this little cottage and when they first started rescuing imprisoned mages.

“There were ten of us when we first got here, and a year later, there were fifty of us,” Robert proudly says with a contented sigh. Pleased with himself and the things he’s done in the last five years. “There’s probably about three hundred of us here, safe and protected.”

Safe and protected. It’s still a foreign concept to Aaron, so he just nods and eats quietly. 

They don’t really speak much for the rest of the evening. Aaron stands next to Robert in the kitchen as he washes up in the sink - occasionally using his magic to clean off some of the dishes. What he does by hand, Aaron dries up. It’s very domestic. 

Aaron had tossed his little bag into the spare bedroom when Robert was giving the tour of the house and he makes his way to that room once they finish cleaning up. Robert silently follows, his body heat emanating behind Aaron as they climb the stairs.

He doesn’t think much of Robert’s presence as he starts to unpack his bag and starts to put things away, until Aaron hears Robert speak up.

“Aaron?” Robert props his body against the frame of the door.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Robert quietly says. There’s an unreadable expression on Robert’s face as he looks at Aaron. He’s not sure whether Robert means here at his house, or here at the village.

Either way, Aaron says, “Me too.”

Robert smiles, the expression brightening his previously unreadable face.

*

When Aaron wakes the next morning, he hears quiet talking coming from downstairs. He recognizes Robert’s, but the other is a woman’s that Aaron doesn’t immediately place. Curious, he pads down the hallways and onto the first floor. They’re not in the living - most likely in the kitchen - but Aaron can hear their conversation better than when he was upstairs.

“If it makes you happy, then I’m happy,” the woman says.

“Happier than I’ve been in years,” Robert confesses softly. Aaron feels as if he’s eavesdropping on something too personal. But the woman doesn’t say anything back, so Aaron takes that as a cue to make his presence known. He walks into the kitchen and sees Robert leaning on one of the counters facing the woman. His face  _ lights up _ when he sees Aaron walk into the room, and the woman turns around to see what Robert is smiling at.

The woman, when she turns, is none other than Sarah Sugden. The former queen of Emmerdale. A ghost that haunted and tormented Aaron for five years.

They all just stare at each other in silence. Sarah looks older than before: her hair has grayed and there are lines on her face that weren’t there before. She’s smiling pleasantly at Aaron, and Robert is behind her also with a nervous smile. But none of the happiness resonates in Aaron. He takes one last look at her and walks out of the kitchen.

Aaron is shaking when he goes into the living room. He’s not really sure  _ why _ he’s shaking, but he’s afraid to lose it if he stays another second with mother and son.

“Aaron?” Robert asks softly and Aaron squeezes his eyes shut and balls his fist when he hears Robert. He doesn’t want to turn around, he doesn’t want to see Sarah again.

“I can’t-” Aaron’s voice catches, words sticking to his throat. But when Robert touches Aaron’s shoulder, he turns around and shoves Robert. “I can’t be here when  _ she’s  _ here!”

Before Aaron can see if Sarah is watching their interaction, he storms back to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. A sob seizes in his chest and he falls to the ground, crying for what seems like the millionth time in his life.

By the time he’s done crying, he angrily rubs at his face and falls onto his bed, frustrated with himself. He hadn’t meant to blow up. But there’s still all these things inside his head, everything he's still trying to right itself in his mind. Seeing Sarah alive in person is much more tangible than Robert telling him she’s alive. His pain and devastation of the past five years came to a head seeing her again.

It’s not long after Aaron’s little cry before Robert softly knocks on the door frame and sticks his head in, “Hiya, can I come in?”

Aaron gives a vague nod and Robert comes in slowly, as if fast or sudden movements might set Aaron off. It wouldn’t have, but it’s just another sign that they really don’t know each other that well anymore. Robert takes a seat next to Aaron and it feels like all they do these days is sit next to each other on a bed. It’s starting to annoy Aaron - not moving forward, just rehashing the same things over and over again. 

It’s silent for a few tense moments, neither one of them making attempts at saying anything. Aaron closes his eyes, upset with himself and his reactive behavior. Sometimes, he wishes he can just turn off all his emotions and forget the past. Allow himself to let go of the past and be  _ happy _ .

“I’m sorry,” they end up saying at the same time. Aaron smiles a little as Robert ruefully laughs. Aaron makes a ‘go ahead’ gesture, letting Robert go first.

“I should’ve told you she was here. I should have known you wouldn’t react well to seeing her so soon,” Robert apologizes.

“Because I’m a basket case.”

Robert immediately straightens on the bed, “What? No. No, Aaron. It’s obvious this is all still new to you. Trying to get your head in order. Sometimes I can hardly believe you’re  _ here _ with me.” He looks intently at Aaron, making his neck prickle with embarrassment. 

“When did you find out I was still alive?” It’s been a question that’s sat with Aaron since their conversation by the woods. 

“About the time you set off from the kingdom to here,” Robert shuffles closer into Aaron’s space, as if they were sharing some intimate moment. 

“So it took four days to get over your shock and decide it would be a good idea to kill me?”

Any hope that Robert may have been feeling is deflated with Aaron’s question. He sags on the bed, looking smaller than he has ever looked since Aaron has been here.

“I knew the person who was coming here wasn’t the Aaron I used to know. I knew Jack had to have poisoned your ear and clouded your judgment. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but you have to understand I didn’t have any intention of killing you that day,” Robert speaks lowly, his voice dropping and doing that intimate thing Aaron’s not heard in years.

“And now?” There’s about a million things running through Aaron’s mind, but the buzz of his thoughts is muted by truly looking at Robert. No burdens, no history. Just looking at him.

“Now what?” Robert asks softly, brows knitted together.

“Who do you see?”

Robert smiles, places a delicate hand on Aaron’s thigh, and confidently says, “I see  _ you _ , Aaron.”

“I see you, too,” Aaron whispers back. Robert’s smile grows and he gently rubs a finger up and down Aaron’s thigh. Emboldened, Aaron places his own hand atop Robert’s and squeezes it softly. 

Robert looks at their joined hands with a soft and gentle smile on his face. Aaron wants to trace that smile with his fingers, press that smile against his own lips, and the thought jostles Aaron. He’s not felt that way in years.

Something fizzles in Aaron’s chest. Like  _ magic _ . But it very well might just be his heart hammering in his chest. Either way, Aaron basks in the moment, letting go of the vestiges of his painful past and looking outwards.

*

Aaron comes down the stairs one morning a few days later, and frowns when he notices Robert isn’t in the kitchen. It’s been a little over a week since he moved in with Robert and they have had breakfast every morning, before splitting up and doing their own thing during the day. He wanders further into the kitchen and notices a note with Robert’s writing on it. Before even reading what the note says, his heart aches when he looks at the familiar loopy letters. The handwriting hasn’t changed since they sat in the common room at the mage wing and wrote notes.

_ I had council business i had to do this morning. Let’s meet for lunch x _

Aaron’s eyes zero in on the end of the note, heart racing. It’s so dumb. It’s just a stupid letter, and here he is just pining. He’s thought a lot about Robert and his own feelings toward him and it’s still hard to reconcile everything in his mind. Aaron has thought about that night they sat side by side on Aaron’s bed. He’s often wondered what would have happened if Robert had kissed him that night, but it’s not even a real question. He knows he probably would’ve kissed back. It seems inevitable, him and Robert.

He sighs and butters some toast, still thinking. Despite everything they’ve talked about and rehashed over and over again, Aaron still doesn’t feel like he’s in the right headspace to even entertain such thoughts. And despite some of the things Robert says, he probably doesn’t even see Aaron like that anymore. Aaron’s body is marred with a physical reminder of all the hurt Jack has put them through and Aaron’s own pain. And his head is filled with all sorts of conflicting information. No...Robert probably has no interest in Aaron anymore, and an ‘x’ doesn’t mean anything.

Breakfast is a quiet affair and he’s never missed Robert more than at this moment. It’s not like their meals are anything important, it’s mostly spent talking about innocuous things. Like things they did while apart that day or weird dreams they had the previous nights. Sometimes, Robert will tell stories of things from the past five years. They avoid heavier topics, like Aaron’s history or anything pertaining to Emmerdale. Sometimes, there are loaded silences and heated glances.

Aaron has gone every morning after breakfast to the clearing by the forest. It has become the place where he feels most connected to his magic, how little bit is there. It feels like every day, he feels more fragments piecing themselves together. It still feels a little nonexistent, but it’s promising enough that maybe,  _ maybe _ , Robert was right and that he’d get his magic back. He’s not told Robert, about the fizzling in his chest that feels like magic. He wants to see if it’s truly coming back on his own without the pressure of people encouraging him, no matter how well-intentioned it might be.

As he’s making his way to the clearing for the day, he notices Sarah sitting on a bench a few blocks away, reading. She doesn’t see Aaron, totally engrossed in the book, as he carefully approaches. The crunch of gravel gives him away, however. She looks up and smiles when she sees him.

“May I join you?” Aaron asks tentatively, and she nods and scoots to make room for him. When he settles on the bench, he wrings his hands and says sincerely, “I’m sorry about how I reacted when I saw you a few days ago.”

“There’s no need to apologize,” Sarah says warmly, “I know everything has been so strange for you these past days.”

“Still...”

Aaron stops when Sarah puts her hand up and laughs a little, “You pushed Robert with your magic across the grounds when you first met him. I should be lucky all you did was yell at me.”

Aaron’s ears heat in embarrassment about the long forgotten memory. He’s not sure why it’s surprising she knows about it, but he bows his head ruefully as Sarah chuckles.

“You’re you. Despite how you feel,” Sarah says softly, echoing what Robert had said. “You looked after Robert when I couldn’t, and I’ll always be grateful for that.”

Aaron smiles, heart fluttering. It was never a chore to look after Robert during their time together. His life revolved around Robert and vice versa during that time. It feels nice to think back to that time without pain.

“You took care of him then, and I’ve taken care of him here when  _ you _ couldn’t,” Sarah continues, and they share a look. Something Aaron cannot explain, but understands to his bones.

Sarah’s smile fades to a small frown and a faraway look passes onto her face. “I think about Victoria every day. Andy, too. Not a day goes by that they’re not on my mind. I miss them both very much.”

Aaron clears his throat uncomfortably. He doesn’t really understand how she could still have love for Andy, but he’s not a parent so the relationship is foreign to him.

“You must feel the same about your mum,” Sarah offers gently.

“Yeah…” Aaron’s voice is watery and he wills the tears that sting his eyes to go away. He’s never really spoken about Chas, even if she’s on his mind a lot. “She probably thinks I’m dead.”

Sarah places a hand on Aaron’s and squeezes it. He’s never admitted that aloud, but it’s the truth. Chas couldn’t possibly think Aaron is alive given the great purge. She had tried so hard to keep Aaron, but he was taken away without a care. The worry during the time he was at the castle and the heartbreak of finding out about what happened to all the mages...Aaron wished he could have spared Chas all that grief. It’s a cruel world.

“It’s not fair that she thinks that when I’m here, living in this bubble everyone seems to be living in. Vic...she thinks  _ you’re _ dead, too. How is that fair to them?” Aaron asks angrily, wiping a tear off his cheek with his free hand. He’s not mad at Sarah, but at the injustices of this whole situation.

“It’s not,” Sarah agrees and it throws Aaron off. He had expected her to try to make excuses, not agree with him. Aaron chews at his lip thoughtfully, Sarah’s hand still on his.

Aaron knows something has to give. They can’t just spend the rest of their years living in this  _ fantasy _ . He won’t lie, spending the last few days here has been the best feeling he’s had in years. But there’s been this film of plastic and fakeness that’s he’s not been able to shake. He has walked down the halls of the abandoned mage wing and has felt the weight of hundreds of mages’ deaths on his shoulders. 

There has to be some sort of justice to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for the delay on this update, I’ve started studying for my architect’s exam along with work being extra busy. I hope I can get another update soon, but it’s hard to promise anything with how hectic my life is right now. Thank you for your patience and I hope this chapter was worth the wait! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A minor disagreement between Aaron and Robert leads to a plan being hatched.

“It's a scorpion!” Robert insists, grabbing Aaron's hand and pointing up to the sky for him to see. 

Aaron squints up, staring at the cluster of stars that Robert keeps pointing at and huffs out, "You're mental."

“And  _ you're  _ blind!” Robert shoots back with a laugh in his voice that Aaron can't help but join in. It's been a month since Aaron moved in with Robert and they're celebrating by having their tea out in the garden.

It's a clear night so they've been stargazing for the last hour. Or rather,  _ Robert  _ has been stargazing and Aaron is getting annoyed at these random stars that apparently are supposed to look like something. But it’s been a good laugh and the most normal thing they’ve done together.

In the month that they’ve lived together, they’ve continually gotten closer and closer with one another. It’s starting to feel a little like where they used to go into the treehouse and it was just  _ AaronandRobert _ . Sometimes, Aaron feels like he can close his eyes and he’s back in that treehouse when they were young and loved each other. Thoughts like that are dangerous, however. 

Aaron’s conversation with Sarah has sat with him for days. She’s told him more recently of others in the village who feel unrest just like Aaron. Not by name, but that are certain people who are not alone in their discomfort in living in the village. It’s been a help for Aaron, but the thoughts start to weigh on him more often. When he’s with Robert though, it seems to bleed away. He never gets the sense that Robert feels like they need to go back to Emmerdale.

“Oh never mind, you’re a hopeless astronomer,” Robert says distantly to Aaron’s right, shaking him out of his thoughts. Aaron turns and sees Robert looking at Aaron with a soft smile on his face. A shiver runs down his spine as he returns the smile. If Aaron was prone to say naff things, he’d say something like he’d rather look at Robert’s face than the stupid stars. But he holds his tongue and just takes his fill of Robert.

They only spend a little bit longer out, the biting wind of the night makes them retreat back inside where it’s warmer. Robert insists on cleaning up since it was his idea to have dinner outside, and Aaron just watches with a secretive smile.

After their evening in the garden, Aaron feels buoyed by so many good emotions. Things he’s allowing himself to feel after so many years of grief and pain. Robert, being the old man that he is, retired to his room before Aaron. Now, he’s sitting on the couch in the living room looking at the random smattering of candles that vary in size and colors. It’s a strange thing for Robert to have in the house, but looking at them, Aaron gets an idea now that he’s alone and in a good mood.

His magic has always been tied to his emotions. Since losing his magic, he keeps thinking if good moods or happy memories will help regain his magic. It used to be that any emotion - anger, happiness, sadness - would be enough for a spark of his magic to go out of control. But his happy mood and prolonged time with Robert has allowed the fizzle under his skin to sing more often.

Holding his breath, Aaron steals a candle from the collection and takes it with him to his room. The light in Robert’s room is out, making him the only one awake in the house. He closes the door to his own room and sits in the middle of the space, kneeling in front of the candle.

Taking a deep breath, Aaron thinks about his time with Robert and how happy he’s been and touches the candle. Nothing happens, but he remains determined. He closes his eyes and tries to direct any of the fizzle to the tip of his fingers.

Then...something happens. The wick of the candle starts to make a cracking noise and it spurs Aaron on to continue to concentrate on directing everything to his fingers. Sure enough, the candle suddenly sparks and it is lit. Aaron stares at the flickering flame and dissolves into tears. It’s the first time he’s ever been able to do magic since he lost it.

*

Elation.

That’s how Aaron feels staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. If the mood he was feeling last night was disbelief and heartache, then this morning he feels utterly happy. He feels inexplicable joy. It wasn’t a fluke, the amount of times he was able to light it up. Now he needs someone to bear witness to his magic. Magic! The thought has Aaron grinning, greedily taking up his entire face. Something so little shouldn’t be making him so giddy, but it is, and he doesn’t care.

He dresses quickly and goes down the stairs, taking two at a time. He’s lucky that in his haste he doesn’t trip down the stairs. But he does make a ruckus, causing Robert to walk into the living with a quizzical look on his face.

“What’s the rush?” he asks with a smile on his face. Aaron feels his stupid grin grow wider and he rushes to Robert. 

“I have to show you something,” Aaron announces, clutching at Robert’s forearms. Before Robert can say or do anything, Aaron turns around and sees the collection of candles he plucked from last night and takes another one. He holds it in between Robert and himself. Robert’s looking at it and Aaron with mild curiosity and that’s exactly how Aaron wants him to feel - it will only make the surprise all that much sweeter.

Aaron grins and centers himself to feel the magic simmering under his fingers and pushes it into the candle. Then, just like last night, the wick sparks for a bit before a flame bursts out. The flame illuminates both Aaron’s and Robert’s face.

Robert’s eyes widen and his mouth drops, astonishment erupts onto his face. “Aaron…” he barely manages to whisper, wonderment in his eyes.

Aaron feels his own eyes water. It’s so dumb; he used to be able to do so much more than light a stupid candle, yet…here they are, both giddy with excitement over a lit candle.

They stare at the candle for a bit, the flame flickering but strong. Robert takes the candle from Aaron’s hands, and sets it where it was sitting before and picks up another one.

“Try it again,” Robert urges and who is Aaron to deny Robert a single thing? He leans into Robert’s space, and this time, he’s able to light it without even touching the candle. It takes a bit longer than when he was holding it, but sure enough, the wick sparks for a few seconds and it grows into a flame.

Robert actually starts laughing, and Aaron can’t help but follow suit. They’re both so ecstatic, standing so close and sharing this  _ amazing _ moment together. Robert lets the candle float away from his hands and before Aaron can say he’s just showing off, he grabs Aaron’s shoulders and crushes him into a hug.

“I’m so proud of you,” Robert whispers against Aaron’s ear and he just sags in Robert’s arms. It almost feels like coming home. 

They just stand in the living room, swaying on their feet, embracing each other. Aaron knows what he’s feeling, he knows the last time he felt this way, he was standing in the snow with Robert and their life was so much simpler.

Apparently, Robert is feeling the same thing. He pulls back from their hug and he looks at Aaron with... _ adoration _ on his face. It makes Aaron want to cry. From happiness or sadness, he’s not sure what.

Robert doesn’t move, almost as if he’s waiting for Aaron to make the first move. But his eyes flicker a few times down to Aaron’s lips, and he doesn’t miss Robert’s intention. They have been dancing around this and Aaron finally decides to give in to his desire. He presses his lips against Robert’s and Robert immediately puts his hands on Aaron’s cheeks, deepening the kiss.

They kiss for what seems like hours, even though it’s not nearly that long. But it feels...perfect. Aaron is holding onto Robert’s hips as Robert continues to cling to Aaron’s jaw. Their lips slide against each other, and it’s almost like Aaron’s entire body is sighing as he continues to kiss Robert for what he’s worth. All that doubt...it seems silly now that they have found themselves back here. 

But in the end, Aaron’s own reality and struggles come crashing into his mind. He hates it because he’s forgotten himself. They had been orbiting around each other for days and it was inevitable they would kiss. But Aaron can’t forget everything that has been bugging him, about this village, and this life they’re living. So, rather reluctantly, Aaron breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Robert’s.

“No, Robert, wait,” Aaron mumbles against Robert’s lips. Deciding to go one step further, Aaron even pushes Robert off of him.

There’s confusion and even a bit of heartbreak on Robert’s face when he gets pushed off. As if Aaron had struck him or something. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron pinches his eyes shut, knowing that what he’s going to say is not going to be easy. “I can’t do this.”

Robert is quiet for a bit, and he almost looks as if he’s going to cry. Aaron wants nothing more to forget all the unease he’s felt and make Robert happy again. “Why not?”

“It’s not...real,” Aaron says, going to hold Robert’s hand. At least give some comfort to Robert.

“What isn’t?”

“This!” Aaron gestures around them with his free hand, “All of this! It’s not real, Robert. We can’t just keep this all up as if nothing is wrong.”

“I don’t understand. This  _ is  _ it, Aaron. What more do you want?” Robert asks coldly. 

“Are ya joking me, right now? What about all those mages that have died because of Jack? Or Victoria who believes Sarah is dead and is confused because she doesn’t believe you could do something like that? Or…” Aaron’s voice catches in his throat and he entirely blames Sarah for this, “Or me mum, who I don’t even know is alive or not! How can you ask me what more I want? I want justice! I want people to know the truth. This is  _ not _ it. We owe it to Doug, to Paddy, all of them, to find justice for them.”

Robert takes a step back from Aaron and shakes his hand off of Aaron’s grip. He looks coolly at Aaron, and says with no apology in his voice, “What do you want me to say, huh? You don’t think I’ve struggled with those thoughts myself these past five years?

“I think you’re burying your head in the sand and willing to go on living in this dream world,” Aaron shoots back.

“Why do you think you’re the most righteous person?” Robert rudely asks. The words sting, but they also fuel Aaron’s growing anger.

“I  _ don’t  _ think I’m the most righteous person. But at least I want to do something about all of this!”

“Like what? Storm the castle like this is some fairytale?” Robert scoffs, “Most of the people here aren’t trained for combat. Most of the royal guards all lived in the castle, and we all know what happened. You’re the  _ only _ surviving royal guard member. The mages here were priests or had some other training, not combat. You don’t think I’ve thought about this before? I didn’t just twiddle my thumbs waiting for you to show up, you know!”

“No, but you’re willing to just give up,” Aaron points out. Robert visibly rolls his eyes and looks at Aaron angrily.

“Well, I’m sorry for at least trying to live my life, Aaron. Instead of clinging to my grief,” as soon as the words pass Robert’s lips, Aaron can see the regret flash on his face. But Aaron doesn’t let Robert apologize.

“If that’s how you see me, then I want nothing to do with ya. I ain’t gonna be your pity project, so you can go fuck yourself,” Aaron sneers. 

Any of that elation that Aaron had felt when he woke up quickly evaporates as he stomps out of the house.

*

Days pass and neither one of them has spoken to each other since the disastrous kiss and subsequent fight. Aaron had left the house for a few hours, wandering about the village until his anger had dissolved. He was hurt by what Robert had said and needed time to cool off lest he do something stupid. By the time he got back to the cottage, Robert was nowhere to be seen himself.

The irony is not lost on Aaron that they are fighting again after their kiss. It seems like they always fight after they first kiss but this isn't just some lies that Robert had told Aaron. It's about digging his heels in the ground and refusing to acknowledge the greater problem at hand. Aaron can't forgive Robert for that, for not understanding. It's almost like a betrayal of everything that Aaron has gone through. Never mind the fact that Robert believes Aaron to be clinging to his grief, which is the last thing he's doing. 

So they coexist in this house not speaking to one another. Both thinking that they're right in their beliefs. It's awkward but they're both stubborn and they refuse to speak to one another. 

Instead of the lively morning breakfasts that had become commonplace, they awkwardly walk around each other as they prepare their respective meals. Robert has flat out refused to cook anything for Aaron, so he’s just been buttering toast and angrily munching on it while he shoots Robert evils. It could all be avoided if either one of them came down at a different time, but apparently, they’re both too proud and stubborn to do anything about it.

The fourth day into their fight/silent treatment, Aaron finally decides to go and visit Sarah. He had been debating it for some time, not wanting Robert’s own mother to get in the middle of their fight. But he needed someone to hear about the disagreement. He had been slowly chipping away at Finn, visiting him occasionally at the medic house and speaking about Ross and the fact he’s practically Jack’s right-hand man. He thinks he’s getting through to Finn, because he seemed uncomfortable with that knowledge, saying that Ross should know better. Aaron doesn’t really agree with that, but he does around Finn, if only to convince him. 

But it’s Sarah who hasn’t been shy in her own thoughts that they need to do something. So, he walks up to Sarah’s humble little cottage and he feels a little like a prat when he knocks on the door. The cottage is smaller than Robert’s, but it feels homier with its plants atop bookshelves and some small decorations on it.

“Aaron,” Sarah says warmly when she opens the door.

“Hiya, may I come in?” Aaron asks nervously. She just smiles and widens the door to let Aaron in.

“I’ll put the kettle on, come in,” Sarah says, disappearing to the back of the cottage. Aaron follows her and watches her turn on the stove and fill the kettle with water. He watches her tend to things in the kitchen for a bit, and when she asks Aaron why he’s here, he can’t help himself from launching into the fight that he and Robert got into. He doesn’t mention how it started, but he starts right when Robert had said that this village was all they could look forward to from now on.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron abruptly says halfway through recounting the fight. “I shouldn’t bother you with this.”

Sarah looks at Aaron thoughtfully, taking a sip of her tea, “Robert, as you know, is stubborn. He’s right in one sense, though. He’s not buried his head in the sand the entire time. I’ve seen him struggle about it. But you’re right, too: now that he’s found you again, he doesn’t seem to see leaving this place as urgently as before.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything at first, just contemplates Sarah’s words. Part of Aaron wonders what Robert was like during the five years apart. How different was he then than now? Was it vengeance that once fueled Robert?

“I think if it were up to Robert, he’d never have to see Jack again,” Sarah continues.

“How do  _ you _ feel?” Aaron asks. Something about the way Sarah says that strikes Aaron as odd.

“I think,” Sarah pauses for a bit, that same faraway look she has whenever she speaks about Emmerdale passes onto her face. “I would want to know why Jack hates our son so much that he was willing to use me as collateral.”

There’s something so raw about what Sarah says that he’s momentarily too stunned to say anything. There are still things from that night that Aaron may never know. But it makes him realize that he’s never heard the story from Sarah’s point of view. “So, you know it was because of Robert that he did all this?”

“Questions like that are the reason Robert doesn’t want to go back to Emmerdale,” Sarah says instead, evading the question. “He doesn’t want to know.”

Aaron thinks he could possibly sympathize with that. Sometimes, Aaron forgets that Jack is Robert’s father. It can’t be easy for anyone to know their own parent hates them.

“I just can’t pretend everything is okay,” Aaron mumbles into his own cup of tea. Sarah gives a knowing look and places her hand on Aaron’s arm.

“Robert will understand soon enough. Sometimes, it just takes him a while to get there.”

*

It’s sundown by the time Aaron gets back home. There aren’t any lights on from the windows, so he assumes Robert isn’t in. He’s wrong in that assumption when he’s greeted with Robert sitting on the couch with all the candles lit on the coffee table. He looks up at Aaron when he closes the front door.

“Gossiping with my mum?” Robert asks, leaning back on the couch. The candles’ flickering flames dance on Robert’s body. It’s difficult to read the expression on Robert’s face. But more shocking, is the fact Robert is even  _ speaking _ to Aaron.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” Aaron shrugs, heading for the stairs. He doesn’t want to fight with Robert, and it feels that's exactly what Robert is angling for.

“Regular peas in a pod, you two have become.”

Aaron stops on the first step and leans over the railing to look at Robert again. He’s still sitting back on the couch, but he’s not looking at Aaron. He’s looking at the candles. “She seems to be the only one here who agrees that this life is a lie.”

Robert springs to his feet and prowls towards Aaron. With the extra height of the stair, they’re the same height. The railing separates them, but they stand close, staring at each other. The light from the candles backlight Robert’s face.

“Is that what it will take for you to forgive me? To admit you were right?” Robert’s jaw works through the words, as if it was the most difficult thing to say.

“Not if you don’t believe it,” Aaron scoffs.

“I know,” Robert stops short and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, the green pieces through the darkness. “I know there’s a whole other life out there that we’ve abandoned. But how can you say that this is all a lie?”

“Maybe it’s my grief speaking,” Aaron slings back venomously. Robert has the goodwill to at least look embarrassed by Aaron’s words.

“You know I didn’t mean what I said,” Robert says softly.

“Yeah, well you still said it.”

Robert scrubs at his face and makes a frustrated sound. “I want to make this right again. Tell me what I can do...I miss you, Aaron.”

“I’m not gonna force ya to make this decision,” Aaron replies back. He misses Robert, too. But they’re standing on opposite ends of what they believe. 

Robert places a hand on the railing and moves his pinky a little towards Aaron, “I don’t want to mess up what we have.”

“Robert, we can’t have  _ anything _ in this village. Because I would never be happy,” Aaron whispers. He needs Robert to understand that Robert is not the problem, but the fact they are letting the world pass them by.

“But at the cost of you potentially dying?” Robert’s voice raises slightly. “Aaron, I’ve already thought you were dead before. I can’t do it again, not when it would be for certain.”

Something cracks in Aaron’s chest, and he realizes now some of the reasoning behind Robert’s stance on the matter. He places his own hand on the railing next to Robert’s and rubs his index finger up Robert’s pinky. “Is that what you’re so afraid of?”

“I can’t lose you again. It would kill me,” Robert says, leaning closer to Aaron. 

“I don’t want to lose you again, either,” Aaron replies softly. It’s the first time they’ve been able to find common ground. Still, Aaron can’t leave it well enough alone and has to add, “but we have to do  _ something _ .”

Robert picks his hand from the railing and tugs at Aaron’s hand so that it’s palm up and awkwardly holds it in Robert’s grip. He looks at Aaron intently and the way the backlight illuminates around his head makes him look almost angel-like. It’s annoyingly cliche, but he looks so bloody gorgeous, looking at Aaron like he is doing. 

“I know, Aaron. I know,” Robert turns and walks away from Aaron, effectively ending the conversation. He watches as Robert stands with his back facing Aaron as he extinguishes every candle. When all the candles are blown out, there’s just silence in the dark cottage.

Aaron goes to bed shortly afterward, not knowing what to say or do. He has a fitful night as their conversation replays over and over again.

*

When morning finally comes, Aaron doesn’t want to get out of bed. The things said and unsaid last night have left Aaron feeling uneasy. He doesn’t know where he stands with this stalemate with Robert. And he doesn’t want to face Robert, either.

Maybe it’s cowardly, but Aaron stays in bed longer than any morning he’s lived with Robert. He tries to fall back to sleep a few times, but it doesn’t take. He huffs in frustration, fighting with his duvet. Finally, after an undetermined amount of time passes, he admits defeat and goes down the stairs with bated breath.

Of course, today is a morning Robert decided to have a leisure start. He’s sitting in the breakfast nook, holding a mug, staring out the window into the garden.

“Good morning,” Aaron says hoarsely, startling Robert. His voice is sleep-addled, and he clears it awkwardly as Robert gazes at him.

“Sit down,” Robert softly says, not bothering with any pleasantries. There’s a pit in Aaron’s stomach and it twists in anticipation. He’s suddenly worried that Robert is going to kick him out.

“You look like you slept as well as I did,” Robert comments lightly, pushing another mug that Aaron hadn’t noticed towards him. If Robert  _ is _ going to throw Aaron out, maybe he’s buttering Aaron up before pulling the rug from under him. Aaron grunts in response and takes a sip of the tea. He doesn’t trust his voice right now.

“I’ve had years to wonder why Jack wanted to frame me for all of this,” Robert quietly starts. Aaron’s attention is immediately piqued, completely thrown by the line of conversation. “Was it not enough that I was a mage and not part of the royal bloodline anymore? But I remember, before I was thrown out, the disdain he had for mages. It’s why I was so scared of him finding out I was a mage. But he always knew, and it was only after I used my magic on him that enough was enough.”

Aaron stares at Robert, enraptured. It’s not like this is all news to Aaron, but it’s the first time Robert has brought it up since they were at the castle - living a different life.

“With the kingdom knowing I was a mage, Jack had to pretend to like them more than he ever wanted. Obviously, I wasn’t part of the family anymore due to the law, but there was now a connection to the royal family and mages. So Jack had to play nice with us. But the second thing that also came out of me being a mage is that it cleared the path for Andy to become the heir presumptive. The son Jack always wanted. More than I could ever hope to be,” Robert’s voice is teary and Aaron thins his lips in concern. This is taking a turn Aaron hadn’t been expecting.

Robert blinks a few times before he continues, his eyes trained on the table. “Something Doug once told me was that there was never a precedent of me being kicked out of the royal line. If I truly wanted to, I could challenge the heir presumptive. I was, after all, the heir apparent. That’s a stronger tie to the throne. I think Jack knew that. So what better way to get rid of the two thorns in his side than to stage a coupe and get rid of me and all the mages?”

It’s completely silent after that revelation. Aaron is at a complete loss for words as he tries to wrap his head around everything Robert’s just said. “How long have you thought about this?”

“About a year after coming here,” Robert casually says, as if he’s not blowing Aaron’s mind with all this information. “I don’t want to be king anymore, Aaron. I haven’t for a long time. I don’t want to go back to Emmerdale, back to a place where my own father hates me so much, he was willing to do all this. I  _ know _ there’s so much left unfinished, but for the first time in my life, I’m happy here. I want to grow old with you. Not become a martyr for a kingdom that I don’t care about.”

Aaron gives a sad, tight smile. The idea of growing old with Robert had been all he wanted when he was young and naive and thought all there was to life was Robert. It's still a fantasy, albeit less realistic now. He understands what Robert is saying, but it just shows that they will always stand on opposite ends on this. He still decides to reach out and squeeze Robert’s hand. 

“I love you,” Aaron says softly, surprising himself with the words. The words seem to come as a shock to Robert as well - his eyes widen and he tumbles out of his seat to look at Aaron long and hard.

“I never-...I didn’t think you would ever feel that way again,” Robert murmurs softly, walking around the table to sit next to Aaron. 

Aaron purses his lips sadly and nods, “I never stopped. Not really.” 

“Aaron…” Robert whispers softly, reaching out and touching Aaron’s cheek. Aaron leans into it, despite it all. “I love you, too. I always will.”

A tear falls down Aaron’s cheek, stopped by Robert’s hand. He wipes the tear and leans into Aaron’s space. They just breathe in the same air, but neither one of them makes a move to kiss. 

“We’ve always had bad timing, haven’t we?” Robert asks, still rubbing this thumb up and down Aaron’s cheekbone. 

Aaron smiles forlornly and nods, “The worst.”

Robert closes his eyes and presses his forehead on Aaron’s. It almost feels like they’re breaking up, despite the fact they’ve never really been together. Still, they just stay like this as time around them passes by. Nothing really matters except this moment between them. 

*

Nothing really changes after their moment in the breakfast nook. They still tiptoe between each other, but at least the silences aren’t tense and awkward. Sometimes, they sit down and have breakfast and Aaron makes small comments that Robert eagerly will respond to. There are certain moments when they look at each other and it’s obvious there are a thousand things on the tip of their tongues. But they don’t say it. It just seems better to keep the peace. Even if it feels like the other shoe is about to drop at any given moment.

The thought of leaving the village plagues Aaron every day. He wants to be with Robert and sack off the entire world around him, but there’s a stupid itch under his skin that bugs him every waking moment. He thinks of that empty and desecrated mage wing, of the graves he was too cowardly to visit. He feels like he carries that weight with him at all times and it doesn’t matter how happy he can be here, it’s a perpetual feeling.

He doesn't visit Sarah, either. The last thing he wants is for him to come between them. For now, he's kept his distance from everything and everyone. It feels a little like purgatory, going nowhere and listlessly waiting around. 

One day, when Aaron makes his daily pilgrimage to the clearing, he’s surprised to see Nicola with Jimmy waiting for him.

“Wondered how long it was going to take to get you here,” Nicola says impatiently when Aaron approaches them.

“You what?” Aaron hasn’t talked much to Nicola. He feels a little weary even now, standing before her. 

“Heard that you want to take the castle back,” she says pointedly.

“Who told you that?” Aaron asks, thinking it must have been Sarah.

Nicola and Jimmy share an incredulous look with each other and she says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “Robert.” 

“So you’re here to tell me I’m crazy?” Aaron scoffs. If Robert is telling people, Aaron can only guess that it’s because he’s trying to get Aaron to stop.

“Are you kidding? I’m here to tell you, fucking finally,” Nicola replies excitedly. Even Jimmy behind her looks thrilled at the prospect.

"What?" For the second time in a manner of minutes, Aaron is at a loss for words. Nicola rolls her eyes and speaks slowly as if Aaron is thick:

"We want to help you expose Jack for the fraud that he is.”


End file.
